Covert Narcissism - Q&A with Ross Rosenberg

Ross answers questions in anticipation of the release of his new video, "From Covert Narcissism Victim to Podcast Renown Host - Renee Swanson's Journey," where he is joined by Renee Swanson, Creator and Host of The Covert Narcissism Podcast.

ABOUT ROSS ROSENBERG
Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC is a psychotherapist, educator, expert witness, and celebrated author. He is also a global thought leader and clinical expert in codependency, trauma, pathological narcissism, narcissistic abuse, and addictions.

Ross's pioneering codependency contributions are responsible for the sweeping theoretical and practical updates and developing a treatment program that permanently resolves it.

Ross has been featured on national TV and radio and is a regular radio and podcast guest. In addition, he has traveled the world, giving his one-of-a-kind keynote presentations and educational workshops.

His global impact is best illustrated by his YouTube channel with 23 million views and 260,000 subscribers and the sale of 155,000 Human Magnet Syndrome books published in 12 languages.

[ericb]

I beg to differ on one point. I know more than 1 narcissist who was not raised in a lonely, dangerous, neglectful environment. They were indulged and spoiled and the universe revolved around them. They are totally selfish and malignant. I really appreciate this channel and have read The Human Magnet Syndrome. Fantastic book. Thank you Ross for all you do.

[DrNancyLivingCoCreatively]

As my ex died he suggested ii was wrong. I reminded he all i did. Now he has a new wife doing much I did. Good luck. He was grandiose. I am his legal widow and get his SS. After years if abuse i am adjusting. My rage is great.

[izawaniek]

Thank you do much Ross. It is not the Covert narcisists who are the problem, it is our self love deficit disorder which we must cure and when we start loving and taking care of ourselves, the tables turn😊 have a good day everybody ❤

[virtualmorality]

Didn't see that"don't take mask off" video. Didn't know what narcissist was till last 2 years. Found out wife of 19 years had been lying for years. Turns out she's narcissistic and i was codependent. Have learned so much in last two years. The projection is real!

[fidelmashelton]

Yes, I totally agree with what you are saying Ross regarding the Covert Narcissist. Both traits indeed and very hard to live with it. Their behaviour is so insidous. They try to destabilize you but you will not really see it until many years have past in the relationship. Yes the red flags are there, but you again try to make sense of it in your own mind. It's a game to them from start to finish and one that they will always win. That statement came from a Covert Narcissist that I know, which was really shocking. Thank you Ross for your great insight into knowing what the Covert Narcissist is all about. Brilliant book to read "The Human Magnet Syndrome".

[SnijtraM]

There are multiple ways a narcissist can be covert and the general discussion views the "covert narcissist" usually in one of 2 different ways: 1) the self-absorbed, poor-me individual who is also callous and who ostensibly seems ethical, but in the end it is just all about them; and 2) the cunning, manipulative, conscious type.
Both are covert, because both are actively hiding/denying the known traits of boasting grandiosity, and they will try to make it look like they're not entitled.
One big difference. Type 1 truly believes they're not narcissists. They're vulnerable figures, they believe their own lies, and they weaponize their vulnerability mostly in the realm of things like emotional blackmailing, etc. I see them as a "shy" and insecure type, of people who are generally like "classical" narcissists.
Type 2 will hide their traits, because they know they have these traits and understand that they will be rejected for them. They allow themselves to be what they are because they're much more *radical* . They project a *fabricated* image of kindness, or of a twin-soul like connection, and the objective is to harvest as much praise and admiration as they can get. Again, it's all about them, narcissists being narcissists, but once the unrealistic image gets shattered, it is the level of radicalism that brings out the humongous, silent, backhanded and vindictive rage that they're known for.

[arianasha]

Thank you Ross you are bang on here.. I have one in my life that swings to either or categories of the covert variety and he does know what he is doing in both.. I have known this person for 35 years now and I have watched and was alerted to this very closely of their behaviour over the past 10 years now or so he is about to be ousted from my life! As I cannot live with this fake person any longer as I seek depth, substance and dimension in my relationships.. if I do not find this I am very happy to be on my own and content..

[OrielThomson]

I have a covert narcissist Mom and it is worse now at 40 than at 18. I have finally realized she is a sociopath and covert narcissist where as before I thought she was just a covert narcissist. I came to this conclusion on my own and now am searching for videos on Youtube about this but there is very little. Thank you for bringing light to this.

[commonsenselucy]

I don't see the relationship as an "addiction." I really LOVED this person, and thought it was "mutual." WOW! Was I wrong....

[DaRyteJuan]

This is one of the BEST explanations I’ve heard so far. The spectrum between ASPD’s and covert NPDs.

Very understandable. The ASPD who targeted me by way of a prescription for Prozac wasn’t acting so much out of grandiosity, but just pure manipulation, consumption and discard. I was just a body to feed on.

[vonniemichelle]

My mom is a text book covert narcissist. I didn’t know this had a name for most of my life. I’m 54, and only now feel like I’ve been able to see her for who she really is. I’ve created my own boundaries. I haven’t gone no contact, but I’ve learned over the years how to limit the contact to a level that suits me, and I’m always disengaged emotionally when with her. It’s just the way it has to be to keep the peace all around. Good info, thank you.

[lizmarch]

Ita so amazing how accurate this is. Just so grateful i left that person... still recovering... made q lot of progress.

[Cherry-ktzo]

My husband has more than one type of narcissism and uses them all.

[AA-lqpu]

I just want to thank you for what you are doing, you videos have been extremely helpful to me! Blessings to you!

[sandie]

Thank you so much, Ross. My ex, a very charming musician is younger. He knew I sold my small apt and was so entitled, kept wanting expensive gifts and money. He had an abusive childhood of abandonement and one of his texts was to threaten to destroy all that I have if I did'nt give him. Embarassed me at a food hall with tons of people yelling crazy statements!

[Chercheure_Indépendante]

9:54 I don't give a flip about their childhood traumas because of how badly injured I am since I'm still undergoing a character assassination so I'm going to skip this part. (I have childhood traumas as well)

[IngaCombs]

Wow, I am excited to read your new book @RossRosenberg, your second book "The human magnet syndrome" It transformed my life. I have gotten a few people to buy and read your book. Your message hopefully will reach all those who need it.

[cajuncrackerranch]

Thank you Ross. I appreciate your work and channel.

[WalkerHoundGal]

My covert narcissist spouse went into severe post separation abuse involving dozens of other people in a malignant smear campaign, sending out my private marital texts to many of them, urging them to share with still yet more people. These people were all covertly met with to help him create the most despicably inhumane divorce petition, taking everything and attempting to force me into homelessness and destitution. He was absolutely loving dropping breadcrumbs of hints but it took me over 2.5 years to slowly connect the dots and recognize what was happening. He was extremely proud of his destructive behavior and he even dated my sister during that time. If you hear someone say, “Your family really cares about you and they’re so concerned about you, ” that’s a massive hint that the smear campaign and character assassination are well underway. They are never sorry and they enjoy the damage they do to your relationships. They like to say, “I was trying to get you help.”

[Canadianborn]

i’ve been pondering the connection between being very over indulged in childhood in many aspects but there also being neglect in another and how that can result in becoming a narcissist