Q & A Session About Covert Narcissism

This Q & A followed my YouTube Premiere of "Covert Narcissism Is The Lethal Combination of NPD & ASPD."

After his last YouTube video on covert narcissism reached 3 million views on YouTube, Ross Rosenberg decided to create an updated explanation of covert narcissism. In this video, Ross dives deep into the mind of a covert narcissist and delivers an explanation of the personality disorders associated with covert narcissism.

This is crucial information for anyone, including Self-Love Deficients/Codependents, suffering at the hands of a covert narcissist. This knowledge will help the victim have a deeper understanding of this mental health problem which stems from childhood trauma and abandonment issues, which will help them “prepare for the narcissistic storm” when unmasking their covert narcissist partner.

Stay tuned for Part Two, where Ross explains the tricks that covert narcissists use to manipulate their victims into believing they will change to restore the relationship, which is an empty promise that they never follow through with.

ROSS ROSENBERG BIOGRAPHY
Ross Rosenberg M.Ed., LCPC, CADC is a psychotherapist, educator, expert witness, and celebrated author. He is also a global thought leader and clinical expert in codependency, trauma, pathological narcissism, narcissistic abuse, and addictions.

Ross's pioneering codependency contributions are responsible for the sweeping theoretical and practical updates and developing a treatment program that permanently resolves it.

Ross has been featured on national TV and radio and is a regular radio and podcast guest. In addition, he has traveled the world, giving his one-of-a-kind keynote presentations and educational workshops.

His global impact is best illustrated by his 22 million viewed/240,000 subscribed YouTube channel and the sale of 150,000 Human Magnet Syndrome books published in 12 languages.

In 2013, Ross created The Self-Love Recovery Institute, a hub for his personal development, workshops, professional training, retreats, other programs, and services.

#covertnarcissism #covertnarcissist #narcissisticabuse #codependency #toxicrelationships #selflovedeficitdisorder #codependent #narcissist #rossrosenberg #humanmagnetsyndrome #codependencycure #trauma #childhoodtrauma #innerchild #domesticabuse

[pamhalula]

Life is never too late to be the person you should have been …perfection! 🥰

[gayleneflower]

I love that comment you made “it’s never too late to the be the person you should have been !!” Thank you

[shyamalidasgupta]

Wonderful. My mother was one & so are a few people I have to deal with in my work place. Thanks ❤

[robertataylor]

ASPD is a SERIOUS problem. These people are human wrecking balls. My X received his diagnosis in prison. 6 mons. Still reeling.

[sandie]

Such good learning! Thank U, Dr Ross. My covert narc ex has BDP which I never knew and it's been a painful journey of 4 yrs. From the sweetest & charming, he turned to a monster who cheats, exploits & threatens.

[laylaraven]

Great questions! Great show! Thank you Ross!

[dominics]

I just want to state that in the first 9 minutes you did your job Dr. You could’ve got up & left. Wow. I’m so glad I got a degree in psychology cause I understand what you’re saying. Psychology is my passion! I truly wonder if the Covert Narcissist has a diminished limbic system. 🤔

[thatosegopolo]

Thank you Dr Ross, thanx for your patience with the questions. The book explains very well. Pity I missed the live.

[KatrinaDancer]

I'm a covert narcissist. Once I became self-aware I just kind of started keeping to myself. I really don't want to cause damage. I rescue animals so I am doing good in this world. I try to warn people off about being friends with me or dating me but it's amazing how many people don't listen. I might be one of the only narcissists who tells people upfront what I am but they never want to believe it. If they stick around they find out eventually 🤷‍♀️

[VernaDiscoverKSA]

Dear Dr. Ross. I am so grateful to God for having shown me your short clip of Why Narcissists Sta Close to Their Ex. I have been married to who I thought was the love of my life for 6 years now and been with him for a total of 8 years. I met him at a time when I was 38 and I was approaching my later years, and for Asians to reach that age and not be married is a big deal. His marriage was annulled because he told me that his ex-wife cheated on him multiple times. My heart went out for him, and I thought everybody deserves a second chance. At first our courtship was great, and he made efforts to get me close to his kids and family. But later, fights ensued because he said he was not good at remembering important occassions so he kept on forgetting to call me on important holidays, anniversaries, and birthdays. We have a long-distance relationship and marriage due to financial obligations both from his side and mine. I still married him despite the tumultuous courtship because he was prayerful and is very kind to everyone, but me. I thought it was my fauly because I was too needy. After we got married, the situation got worse. He keeps a very close relationship with is ex because of the children, he told me. He told me to just be patient because when all of his children get married, then he will be focusing on our marriage. Two of his 4 children are married now, and the situation just became worse. They all travel frequently as a family without even telling me or checking on me when my vacation will be so we can meet each other. Their kids, although adults and have spoken with me before I married their father keep on teasing their parents about getting back together without thinking of how hurtful it will be to me. My husband doesn't share his finances with me or makes any plans with me for the future. I accepted this because I want to show him that I love him, and not the money he will give, that I can save for both of our future. But all to no avail. He keeps on telling me that he is just doing God's will and to trust him. He even professes that he wants to be a saint. He helps people and is very kind, but treats me like a spare rag. His schedule with his first family comes first and will only think of spending time with me once his obligation with them is done. I feel guilty because he says he is doing it for God, but he is killing me slowly but surely. Does God want me to sacrifice my life so that he can prove to be a good father? Until when should I wait? The situation is becoming worse and most of what you mentioned about someone who is a covert narcissists sound familiar to me now...I feel most of the time like I am going crazy. Please help me to understand my situation more. Is my husband what you call a covert narcissist?

[pmf]

"Narcissists hate women" my observation is this: They don't hate women, it's more of attention seeking trope... or something they show to appeal to one their friends that may actually "hate" women.. I often see racist comments from narcissists, you can find them in every social network.. they're not necessarily racists, when you speak with them and discuss this issue.. they do this for attention.. the negative attention to be precise, they want you to start arguing with them, telling them how they are wrong, etc.. to drag you into never ending argument, to drag you "into the mud wrestling with a pig".. that's what's up with the narcs, covert narcs do that all the time.. including my reptilian mother, that "racism light".. it's ridiculous

[frau_ic]

Unfortunately, my son and I have scarlet fever and I could not participate in the live session, which is a pity! Whereby I must say that the topic around the covert narcissists triggers me quite strangely: Something in me doesn't want to deal with them, because they annoy me extremely, because boring. They have such a paralyzing effect on the mind, I find. They are also extremely difficult to see through.

[freespirit]

Oh wow, you just described my ex husband. Now I understand....😳

[lorainegardener]

Why do their eyes turn black and the smirk if they know if they know they have decived you

[christylove]

@ GOGO GIDET my comment to you in Chat got timed out.
I understand how you feel ….
Karmically, Any Efforts, or putting your thoughts ( energy ) hoping your sister’s Called out/exposed, is actually impeding the process, just the opposite, feeding her narcissistic supply.

[dominics]

Buy the (HMS) books my friends! Money well spent!!! 📚

[GhettoBank]

I love you, the way you break down the science, for me liking to keep things simple. You have me to fully understand.
Keep doing what you're doing.
I know you want to save, maybe the whole world.
Which is impossible.
But of the few you do Save...
I am One. I like the way you keep saying Ummm, ummm.
I know that's just thoughts in between your next words
Ummm isn't good for a public speaking, but it's acceptable.
I TRUST YOU DOCTOR.
But Ummm ummm in some cases mean a lie is coming next. Like Political speakers.
But you Ummm ummm I Trust.
And who doesn't trust their doctors. Love, again smart guy.

[Katyayanibetha]

I wish I would have known when this was happening & been able to ask what the best ways of identifying a covert narcissist are. Since they are so covert, they can be like a snake in the grass. I was shocked & traumatized to find out my closest best friend of 8 years was a covert narc after she lured me into a situation wherein we had two written agreements & everything, and then broke her agreements, leaving me in a life-threatening situation I've still yet to physically recover from - all just so she could move into her father's house she just inherited with a guy she had just met online. I didn't even refer to her as a narcissist for almost two years after the incident, as I don't throw that term around lightly. It wasn't until I finally attempted to begin small claims court proceedings by completing the first required step in the process, sending her a "demand letter" that I came to the solid conclusion that she is, indeed, a narcissist. She had ZERO remorse or care about the harm that came to my daughter and me at ALL, and even started making up lies about me & my daughter which she told to me and others, to make herself look blameless in the situation. I had NO idea she was that kind of person. She pretended to be a moral person who cared about my daughter and me SO much for so many years - when I was of use to her. Hindsight is 20/20 though. Now that I've studied covert narcissism, if I had only known what to watch out for, I would have never let her in my inner circle. I was used to being spoken down to and mistreated by an overt narc in my marriage many years before that. I just didn't know how important it was to look out for fake people too, and what good actors they are! She never spoke down to me once. She always flattered me though, which I've learned is different from real compliments now. She did her own version of love-bombing too, even though we were just friends - I now see that's what they do when they see someone they want to get something out of. I was her boyfriend's band's booking agent, and as soon as she met me, she latched onto me and wanted to be my best friend and thought I was the greatest, most wonderful person in the world, so she said. She wanted to meet the people I know, to get exposure to the circles I run in, and I think having my advice sometimes was also beneficial to her. Other times, I think she was just entertaining herself to distract herself from grad school or whatever it was she didn't really want to be doing. I eventually realized before she betrayed me that there was no substance to the things we spoke about and the plans we would make, the projects we had planned to work on together, whether musical, charitable work, or whatever the case may be - talking about it was entertainment for her. She had no real intention of following through on her word. I SHOULD have known who she really was after witnessing her use and discard two men, one of which was a friend of mine. I think I used to have a fear of judging people. I felt like I was doing something wrong if I passed judgment on someone, so when I would see things like that, I would tell myself that it was none of my business. NO more though. No way. I do NOT overlook that kind of stuff with people anymore after what happened with her. I was so traumatized because my life was in danger, and I've lost so many years just trying to recover my physical health. Her breach of agreements took so much from me, and my daughter. I did not follow through on the small claims court process though, after realizing she was a narc, because I was still so disabled and not myself within that 2-year statute of limitations, that I didn't feel comfortable going to court up against someone who I realized had NO conscience or remorse for what they had done at ALL and who would outright lie. Her family is wealthy. Mine is not. She has a lot of family support, and connections, her dad was a commissioner. I come from a family of tobacco farmers that live far away. I would have gone into that courtroom alone, trying to explain the truth when I could barely breathe or think, and she would have been there with her affluent family all around her supporting her, while she's willing to lie her way out of the situation rather than accepting any accountability for her actions. I didn't feel I could trust a judge to properly discern what the truth is, as I've not had good experiences in family courts with my ex-husband in the past. The whole court system is pretty corrupt. So, I let it go, I did not receive anything at all for what she did to us. I am working on recovering on my own. I've let go of the anger. It's been replaced by pity, true, genuine pity, as I seriously cannot imagine being the kind of person who would treat someone so close to them the way she did me, breaking agreements, breaking the law, no care, no remorse or accountability whatsoever. That's truly pitiful to be such a person. Anyway, so I went into studying how to recognize covert narcs after that experience, as I was so scared to talk to anyone after that because I felt like if I couldn't tell who she really was, how can I tell who anyone really is? It's only through educating myself through videos such as yours and others that I've been able to feel confident enough to have connections with people and discern who they really are without being scared to do so. I don't think I'll ever be entering any kinds of agreements in relation to rental or business partnerships or anything like that ever again though anyway. Written agreements are only useful if you have the money to pay a lawyer to enforce them for you. I couldn't find a lawyer to take my case, and I didn't have a retainer. She definitely owes me more than the $10k that you can claim in small claims court, that's for sure. I don't know if there's an amount of money that could make up for what she took from me. Before you enter any agreement with anyone, written or not, you have got to make sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that you can trust them. Of all the people in the world, I thought I could trust her. I was so wrong. Learning the traits to watch out for in covert narcissists has helped me to learn to trust myself again in discerning who people are. We not only have to watch out for and stay away from those who talk down to and mistreat us, but also for fake people who are really good actors.

[dominics]

I have a question Dr.Rosenberg. Can a Covert Narcissist be aggressive/ physically abusive?
I’ve had experiences in the past with BPD & they were very aggressive/abusive in many ways.

[GhettoBank]

I'm volunteering to go see a psychiatrist/ phycologist. What to see what makes me tick.
Cause I know there's some damage.
After all I get a physical every year. Pretty good with that.
Yet, I wonder about the/my brain.