Difference Between Love & Limerence

Is Your Affair Fueled by Limerence, Not Love? | Dr. Joe Beam Explains

Feeling madly in love with someone outside your marriage? It might be limerence, not true love. Dr. Joe Beam breaks down limerence - the intense, short-term infatuation that can lead to risky decisions and jeopardize your relationship.

In this video, you'll learn:

What limerence is and how it differs from real love
The addictive nature of limerence and its impact on logic
How to identify if you or your spouse is in a limerence-based affair
Strategies to overcome limerence and save your marriage

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0:00 Introduction
0:02 SO YOU VE HEARD OF THE WORD LIMERENCE
0:12 WHATS THE DIFFERENCE?
0:27 IT WON'T TURN OUT HOW YOU'RE EXPECTING
1:36 THE SENSATION OF FEELING MADLY IN LOVE
1:51 UNIQUE TO THE INDIVIDUAL
3:12 FEELINGS OF ECSTACY
3:44 FEELINGS OF INTENSE JEALOUSY
4:05 FROM ECSTASY TO MISERY
4:23 HALO EFFECT
5:55 DOESN'T EVERYONE EXPERIENCE LIMERENCE?
6:16 LIMERENCE CAN BE GOOD FOR SINGLES
6:40 YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT ANYONE ELSE SAYS
7:00 IF SHE'S BAD HE CAN'T SEE IT
7:18 YOU WON'T SEE THE BAD THINGS
7:52 YOU MAY VILIFY YOUR SPOUSE
8:12 REWRITING HISTORY
9:07 LIMERENCE ALWAYS ENDS
9:25 IT HAS TO END
9:44 IT DESTROYS PRODUCTIVITY
10:17 LIMERENCE TYPICALLY LASTS BETWEEN 3 - 48 MONTHS
10:57 YOU START COUNTING THE COSTS OF YOUR CHOICES
11:33 I DIVORCED MY WIFE WHILE IN LIMERENCE
12:11 THE RELATIONSHIP WILL END
12:57 MY WIFE AND I REMARRIED
13:03 DIVORCE AFFECTS GENERATIONS
13:44 WHAT WILL DIVORCE COST YOU?
15:24 LIMERENT LOVE DOES NOT LAST A LIFETIME

[MarriageHelper]

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[PEACEFULWARRIOR]

I went through Limerance. I can't say there is anything positive about it except if you needed that to start a lengthy, enraging and painful path to self discovery.

[explicitantony]

Anyone who has this and can relate to me knows it can be the worst possible curse inflicted upon you

[sunnysmiles]

The root of this seems insecurity, instability, and fear of abandonment. Also there is a projection onto the other person. It’s almost like a fantasy world that is desperate for coming into reality. It’s just intense infatuation.

[spadesofalife]

Limerance is one of the most agonizing horrible things I think I've ever experienced it literally rips your goals and motivations from your life and replaces them with an obsession with someone you can't be with keep in mind it really is something you have no control over what's even worse is seeing the lo completely fine like nothing is even happening

[mjjay]

I’m in such denial that I really don’t want to believe this video

[shanaheisler]

My husband recently left me for his Limerent affair. I worked for over a year to convince him that our family, our life, our future, our love and friendship were worth fighting for. Everything described in this video is spot on. My husband literally thought he would die if he couldn't be with this woman, he vilified me, he will not listen to any of our family and friends who have told him he is making a huge mistake. He walked away from a beautiful life, our children, his friends and family, a beautiful future, and all that we had built in our marriage. We truly were each other's best friend. When she came along, she convinced him that our 25 year marriage and 35 year relationship was "stagnant" and that there was nothing more beautiful than a "fresh start." They were very clearly limerent for each other. She would stalk him, walking up and down our street just so he would see her when he came home. He lives with her now and our divorce is in progress. Someday, I know he will see the devastation that his has caused. It truly is a very high cost. Sadly, it is a cost that I have to pay along with all our family and friends. He has ruined everything with his decision to walk away and as this video concludes, this phase will not last.

[ReverseCycoIogy]

My wife always love those romantic books like twilight. After 11 years of marriage and 2 toddlers, she cheated and wants to separate. We’re gonna separate but not legally since me and the kids need those military benefits. I have more hope now that I found about this thing called limerence that she’ll snap outta it. I’m not going to chase her, I’m gonna focus on me, be better and be the best for my kids. Thank you.

[rickbell]

Where were you guys 25 years ago when limmerance caused me to make the biggest mistake of my life by leaving my family for someone I was “madly” in love with? This is great work. Thank you for doing these videos.

[thefleet]

I believe I'm in limerence, and it's comforting to hear that it's not permanent.

[patriciahinkin]

Love evolves and changes, I was married for 47 years before he died, I realised as we aged that we were very best friends and that was love. Love is looking after your husband when he's got dementia and basically left me. But that Love is still inside you, I did miss the physical side of love, but that companionship is missed more than you can bear

[dotdot]

i'm so glad there's someone talking about these issues, it feels like limerence is its own epidemic. i believe that when you feel this limerence toward someone they usually represent a part of yourself or your past that you haven't accepted.

[Zihannya]

Our society validates and encourages this kind of intensity in films and media in general. Many people come from dysfunctional families and have no idea what "normative" love even looks like. Isn't being "in love" in itself a kind of madness? If someone who has studied all the kinds of love and knew what limerence is was able to fall under its sway, how do the rest of us avoid that?

[markdowning]

I experienced this in my life and almost lost my marriage of 27 years. Dr Joe is dead on in his description and effects of limerence in your life, I could no longer function and became someone that I did not know. Good news is my wife and I reconciled 8 months ago and with the support of our family & faith have made great strides in our marriage.

[lesegotshegare]

What I get from this video is that limerence is being obsessed and/or infatuated with the other person. Such feelings are unhealthy and I second you for saying that they never last.

[kulaskagascas]

Limerent love starts to decline when you start to see the other person's faults which is inevitable as you live closely with each other. Have you seen her sitting on the toilet bowl, for instance? Or have you seen him cleaning his nose with his pinky? Did you see the name of her ex tattooed on her buttocks? Did you have a sleepless night because his snore could be heard a block away? All of these faults come into view as you develop closeness. Your prince becomes a toad, and your princess becomes a hag.

[RN]

Limerence is absolutely real. I watched my wife go through it. It broke my heart watching her turn into a different person. Dr. Beam is on point! I promise you your spouse will be back one day!! Trust me! I didn't believe it myself. Be patient and work on yourself. Pull them back...if that's what you want - you've got this.

[samt]

This video may save my life. I can't stress how important it is I've found this right at this moment.

[thecheapbastard]

This video exactly describes what my wife is going through right now. She left me for someone she just met two months ago and are planning to get married. She changed so quickly I barely knew her anymore. She threw 24 yrs of marriage for a promise made by this guy to buy her a house, a car and trip to Europe. That's all it took. I let her go. I can't match that offer. I'm closing my door on her and will be focusing on our two daughters. I sure would like to see how their relationship ends up when the initial thrill and excitement has faded.

[nissamelton]

Everything he says is true. I’ve only been in these types of relationships. They aren’t lasting. I’m in the process of healing from the inside to make better choices AFTER I’m healed.