10 Signs Your Parent is a Narcissist

#narcissism #boundaries #certifiedlifecoach

DISCLAIMER: This information is for educational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for clinical care.

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[curlygirl]

No surprise, my father hit all 10. Going no contact was a very healthy choice for me. The abuse took a deep toll on me physically and mentally. I wish I had the understanding to cut him off years before I did.

[m.arnold]

Thank you for this. I get it now. I always thought there was something wrong with me...

[DavidFraser]

I grew up with all that nonsense, i left at 18 to join the army, never looked back, just minimal contact. Both parents are dead now, but i still have bad dreams now and again. My adopted mother wanted to be the matriarch, it was always tears and tantrums if she didn't get her own way.

[island]

Or they say, 'why can't you just let it go'? 😂

[blank_earth]

I was a child of a narcissist parent, I came from a very difficult life with him, and was homeless with him for a very long time in the past and never had a good home life growing up. I managed to escape him, and had to go great lengths to get away from him. I was lucky to have known the people that had helped me and allowed me to stay with them. I went to go be with my extended family that had found me on the internet. They flew me in first class to go be with them. At first there was this honeymoon period, they thought of me as a gift from grandma that passed away. But what seemed like a gift from the universe, only turned into something that had psychologically wounded me. I was only with them for 3 months because of how difficult they seemed to have been to live with, and how strict and conditional their love and regard was towards me. I felt like I couldn’t really be loved or accepted for just the way I am, or that I had to constantly fit in to their idea of how I should live my life and be like to them. I felt like I was some kind of flawed and inadequate kid. I would hear them say things like “but he wasn’t raised that way!” “oh it’s just gonna take time”, “I just think he just wasn’t raised properly” …and it felt like I had to constantly jump through hoops in order to be loved, and if I don’t, then it’s basically ‘bye peace out can’t live with your family’. To this day I feel this deep, inner wound of rejection and unworthiness that I carry each and every day. My aunt would ask this weird question “what are the advantages that you think you have of being here?” but in my mind I’m like ‘I didn’t come here just so I can gain some kind of material advantages, I came to have a life here with my family just like any other kid would with their families, not a quid pro quo’.
But I just told her “I don’t know”, and she replied “then why did you come live with us honey?” and she didn’t even have any idea why I went to go be with them, even though she invited me and said “why not come stay here?”
I had unfortunately received some invalidating comments from others that I’ve tried to speak to about my trauma, they’ve said things like “why should they love you” and “who are you and why should you be loved and cared for” and another person said “you don’t seem to realize that you’re wanting a warped and distorted image of your family” “you are not your brother you’re not their kid” and I’ve basically been labeled as having some kind of “sense of entitlement”.
So for a kid or young person to have an innate desire and need to have a family home or to simply live with his or hers own family they would have a “sense of entitlement”? What kind of cold world do we live in?
Isn’t every kid or young person deserving of what I believe to be the most basic, simplest thing that any young person could have, which is a family home, or to simply live with one’s own blood relational family, in a home? With parents, caregivers, siblings, etc? Shouldn’t it be like the norm and standard for every kid or young person? But for some reason, I’m being considered by some people as like bad, evil or reprehensible for trying to have that with my own family? I tend to think if my friends can live with their families, why can’t I live with mine? I once had a former friend who I thought would always be validating of my trauma, but he one time went against me and invalidated me and said; “Well they raised your brother! They raised him and not you so he’s their kid!” and he laughed at me. So whose kid am I? Where does that leave me then?
and so after some years later I came to figure out, that perhaps the reason why I was treated the way I was treated by my family, was all because they raised my sibling and they never raised me. I can’t believe that, I went through that whole process, of getting away from my father, and finally got to be with my extended family and my brother that I never got to grow up with since we were born, and after going through such a nightmarish life with a narcissist father, only for it to, pretty much, backfire on me? all because ‘they raised him and not me’. So in order for a kid or young person to live with his or hers own family they have to be born and raised into it? And it’s unfair to me how my brother got to have what they called a “privileged life” while my life and upbringing got robbed by a toxic father.
I have had someone that recognized the validity of my feelings though, and that person said ‘how in the world can you not be allowed just the same if not more’.
I remember I stayed with a friend of mine and his family because his mom couldn’t sleep at night knowing that I was sleeping in a car in a parking lot somewhere with my father. They treated me as equally as their two boys, I wanted that with my family and my brother.
It’s incredibly sad and disheartening to me that, I go to my family expecting all the love and care in the world, only to seemingly be met with sort of the opposite, I just don’t understand that if they can love and care for one kid all of his life why can’t they do just the same for the other? I believe every kid and young person deserves a good home life with their families.
But I guess I can’t have that with my own family all because they raised him and not me.
I was told that there was only one baby on the table…
They bought a condo and now my brother is living in it for free…
We never chose our parents.
and I never chose this life…

[racthe]

I'm not even finished listening to the list, & I can relate this list to my mom.She never sees she might be in the wrong, & VERY controlling.And, I'm a adult only-child.

[hermitoutsider]

Great video, I can see you speak with factual knowledge and heart, cause you have relatable experience too

[brandonfiquett]

Wow.. Powerful videos! I recognized more of these traits than I thought I would, going further back in the tree than I had even thought about. 🤯 Never really looked at it as a narcissistic chain before. Even more important that my sister and I break the cycle. So far, their image and illusion of quality is more important than family connection. Kind of sounds like a form of idolatry the more that ya think about it. 🤔 Thx!

[A_British_woman]

AaaaaLL the things I've done for you has been our mums favourite manipulation line since as far back as i can remember😮

[moniqueroper]

I was just recommended your channel by a fellow ex jw on Twitter. The invalidation aspect of this video hit home so hard. I remember always thinking to myself “why am I not allowed to be sad or mad” “why can’t I just talk about how I feel”. My family dynamic as a jw was not the regular jw norm and I think that made it even worse.

[captaint]

Another sign that a parent is a narcissist is when they think you owe them for everything they have done to raise you and take care of you since you were born. When in reality the child doesn’t owe their parents anything. The narcissist parent would literally think they’re entitled to make the child financially support the parent when the child gets older. It’s total abuse. We didn’t choose to be born, and raising a child is not a transactional thing. How are we supposed to take care of ourselves and our children if we have to financially support our parents and keep bailing them out when we become adults? I won’t forget when my dad tried to guilt trip me by saying “I changed your diapers” Lol

[wolfenstein]

My father is a narcissist, he thinks he’s right but really and truly he’s not and likes to please people to show that he’s more superior, he posted his own phone number on Instagram and literally follows my mom’s sister that she isn’t on good terms with anymore

[firesoulrocker]

Wow beth seems like I'm going through this. Thank thank👍🏻👍🏻

[louisdiambrosio]

I love your videos, thank you. They are a big help, with real insight.
Could you please tell us where you get your information, like books or classes you have taken .
Thanks again.

[island]

Or they project, and call you the narcissist. 🤣

[berniereay]

You have just describe my wife if who I am now separated from over the last five years thank you for your description keep up the good work say hi to your husband are you still like listening to him as well I'm from the UK by the way

[samueldrake]

Need Tips on Building Up a House too...