Why Do People Lie? Understanding Pathological Liars - part 2

Pathological lying is a behavior that most people struggle to understand. Many of my clients find it difficult to understand the foundation of pathological lying which is often a "symptom" of a bigger problem.

Most pathological liars have weak egos and poor self-esteems that have arisen from years of unhealthy family dynamics and social relationships.

Pathological liars aren't easy to study or track. They are often manipulative, calculating, and narcissistic. Their ultimate goal is to influence others to do things that will ultimately benefit them. They are bent toward social and emotional power over others. They have no empathy or care for others. They lack the capacity to grow and change. And they harbor feelings of self-hatred.

Understanding pathological lying goes far beyond the contents of this video. However, I strive to provide a basic understanding of the behavior.

You may be wondering what kinds of disorders or conditions include pathological lying as a "symptom." Certain personality traits where pathological lying may occur include:
Narcissism
Selfishness
Abusive behavior
Obsessive, controlling, and compulsive behaviors
Impulsivity
Jealous behavior
Manipulative behaviors
Deceptiveness
Socially awkward, uncomfortable, or isolated
Low self-esteem
Tempermentalness
Anger

[ProliantLife]

Most powerful this is " you don't need to prove to that liar that you know who they are" that's powerful

[SpaceCadete]

Key concept "people who attempt to engage me in lying". So powerful to know we have a choice to engage with them or not. I have worked with bosses who use lying to try to manipulate a favoured outcome. So freeing and easy to just not engage with it. We can set ourselves free. Thank you. Pursuing a path that makes me uncomfortable would be untrue.

[rainbowdreams]

This is much much harder when it's someone you are emotionally involved with though

[ssd]

7:22 cracked me up when you put the text up. Thank you for adding humor. These videos are like therapy on the spot!

[acsilver]

Thank you so much for these videos. My trust and emotions were violated by a narcissistic, pathological liar with histrionic tendencies. The lies were so unbelievable but it was so hard doubt because it would I felt it was extremely rude to doubt someone's personal trauma or accomplishments. And some lies were very small and had no reason. Other were huge and only for sympathy. I felt uncomfortable and I got very quiet and reserved around her and I had no idea why. I realized I had no interest in her other than worrying and wanting her to be okay. She preyed on my anxiety. Invalidated my emotions. Used the phrase "I'm sorry you feel that way" to avoid accountability. Our friend group called her out on some lies we found (fake photos with fake stories) she just made an awful excuse and blocked everyone. We contacted someone from her past we knew she didn't like. She explained why this liar didn't like her. This person told us everything to confirm what we thought and then some. They told us the other lies and delusions they said throughout the years. It was very weird and sad. So the liar blocked us and threatened legal action if we tried to contact her again. Absolutely zero accountability for their actions. Zero remorse for the hurt and pain caused to all of us. I will need to learn to trust again.

[SuperSupremepower]

How to help pathological liar?😢 She is the mother of my children 😢

[ammullen]

I love your intelligence and candidness Tamara! But I just don't know how to handle my ex....he's been dragging me through family court since 2016, and our two babies have suffered so much already. Unfortunately he has lots of enablers, and more disposable income that I've ever had. How do I deal!?

[styrpak]

Interesting, but the music is distracting.

[acsilver]

8:08 "Don't believe anything the pathological liar says until it's confirmed" "overly trust" "I have to figure out in my mind how could I miss that?"

This is what I'm currently stuck on. Even after being blocked by the liar, I am now questioning why I was so overly trusting.

I don't want it to develop into trust issues. I don't want to question the validity of what someone says from now on. Maybe it is naive of me to trust so easily but I don't want to come off as toxic by questioning people or doubting their words until they give me a reason too..
How would I ever know not to trust the person if I don't know they're a liar yet?
I had no idea I was being manipulated and lied too. I was used, I feel so violated. I'm usually good at spotting these people but I had too much trust and was also blinded by having a crush.

A close friend was observant and told me to cut her off. They just said something is off but couldn't pin point it, they had no proof, I had no suspicion. So it was very hard.. especially when the liar is SOOO good at lying and manipulating emotions.

The only way they were caught was because that same friend was scrolling through TikTok and found the exact picture/video the liar had screenshot, cropped and flipped the photo (harder to reverse image search) then sent to our group with a story about some fantastical event in her life. My friend FOUND the original video randomly and called her out for lying which led to me watching these videos. Once 1 card fell, the house of cards(lies) fell with it. We discovered so many lies I don't know what was real and what wasnt. It has been driving me insane thinking about WHY and HOW this happened to me.


How do I move forward without having trust issues. What would a healthy amount of suspicion/doubt look like?