Why Do People Lie? — Analysis by a Former Therapist

[bogdanescu]

I'm studying psychology and no one talks about these topics. All that matters for them is statistics..which to me is lying in an official way. I've watched all your videos and I just want to thank you for being true, Daniel!

[ThatGuysAlright]

I've been an admitted liar about some very big subjects over the course of my short life. I've lied about achievements and aspirations. I've lied about my emotional state and coping mechanisms. I've lied to friends, family, and employers about things because I knew they wouldn't understand. I've lied about alot of little things, but I've also lied about some very big things before. I've even lied about a close friend dying, or a family member being very ill, simply because I felt trapped, and thought that being truthful would only lead to ridicule, assumptions about me or my life, or losing things I cared about.

The simplest way I can explain it is that when you have been taught growing up that honesty and mistakes leads to hurt and heartache, you try to cover up and mask things that you don't want people to see.

My parents are very judgmental, shortsighted, easy to anger people... so growing up, not getting in trouble and starting a screaming match at home was priority #1. But what you realize as an adult, is that it's not only normal for a kid to mess up, it's INSTRUMENTAL that they do. I can't tell you how hard it is for me to mess something up or try new things, just because as a kid, messing up or being straightforward meant being harassed and abused.

I've come a long way in being more open and honest with myself, but when I'm pressed to talk about my personal life I still have to fight the urge to downplay, fabricate, and sidestep.

[strangeland]

people with overlapping delusions tend to get along well. It took me a long time to understand this and stop asking myself 'why' all the time. It's the glue that holds it all together and they don't want anyone around who's poking at their delusional bubble.

[iTzZJaSoNxX]

I love how you depict children having to cope with their abusive upbringing by lying because our society itself punishes it and they can be harmed, even physically, by doing so!

[jcat]

I fell in love with truth from my lying upbringing

[apolo]

It’s hard for me to lie... So I don’t. I really hate myself when I have to lie, and I only do it to protect others. And it comes with a grate cost. People really hate me. When they ask me how are you? And I say I’m sad...they get away from me, when I said my family really hurted me and I realize they did it mostly by choice, people really find it disgusting, but the disgust is not about the abuse or the abusers, it is about me. When I stand against bosses or people with a higher status or whatever, and talk to them as they are the same as me, because I don’t Belive in status, everyone looks at me as I’m crazy. I’ve been rejected so many times, that I decided to isolate. And I remember clearly as I was groing up I realized people expected me to lie, people didn’t like me, I said to myself I have two options, Lie in order to be accepted or don’t lie and be alone. I choose the second option. And it gets harder as an adult, specially when you develop yourself and you know a lot more things about yourself, a lot of terrible and heartbreaking things that make people to feel a lot more discomfort.

Even when I realized my parents had (and have still obviously) a lot narcissistic dark triad traits...and it all made sense...to know, that when I felt that they never loved me they actually didn’t. It’s horrible. I wished many times I was lying to me. But I wasn’t, and I always felt I had to be wrong, That I was a horrible person for believing that my parents didn’t liked me or loved me, I felt a lot of guilt. But I knew. I knew the things no one wanted to realize. How fucked up we really were.

So I belive people lie because it’s easier and it’s a lot more comfortable and convenient. it’s accepted and in a way is the norm.

( English is not my language so sorry for the bad grammar )

[Pneumarose]

The price of becomig truthful with myself and in turn my delusional family unit has cost me everything. I've been called crazy and told I should be put on medication, I've been back stabbed, sabotaged, exiled, been called every name in the book, and have smear campigns going about me to the upteenth degree. It's funny because all these things have been going on my entire life I was just in denail and believed that by continuing to lie in order to be accpted that it was in some way worth it. It's like as soon as I started telling the truth, all the bullshit started violently tumbling out of the closet and it just never fucking stops! The lies on top of lies that I've been fed since my birth is heart breaking to be honest but I'd rather live in my truth, honor my intuition that's been leading me from the very beginning then allow the poison of others to tear me down.

[ProudJewishQueen]

I prefer people who are honest with me, I beg them to be, because even when it hurts the ego it also releases you from the uncertainty and anxiety that's attached.I feel closer to people that are honest, I can feel their humanity and I like it, I respect them more for being brave enough to tell me the truth and for respecting me enough to make that sacrifice.The truth is highly valuable, it teaches you something, a lie confuses, keeps you in the dark, controls.

[VibeWithVida]

It should still be a DSM. People lie because they get to keep their privacy, they don't get judged for the truth. They can be distant while pretending to be present and nobody knows. Sometimes people lie because they don't know how to feel. Answers are on autopilot. But it is painful because the liar is not a real person. They are too many people all at once 🤫

[stevewalker]

I used to be a chronic liar, generally at ages:
12-15, in response to "have you ever kissed a girl?"
15-17, in response to "have you gotten laid?"
25-50, in response to "what does your job entail?"

[amirtogha]

In addition to the reasons you mentioned, some so-called "pathological liars" seem to enjoy the creative aspect of lying! They lie even when it doesn't benefit them (for example the benefit of giving them the pleasure of gaining control over others). All the works of fiction emanate from the urge to create an unreal universe, and some petty liars simply share this drive with great writers. :)

[gracesanity]

I lie allot to stay safe, to not look like a failure, that you wont see my brokeness and deep trruama. I lie cause l beleaved l was deficient. To look togeather and a successful person. Cause it works and has kept me safe most of all. I lie to fit in and for admiration. Slowly seeing it hurts me cause l am not being authentic. Thats coming to matter more that l am real.

[nicholasburch]

I'm horrible at lying to others which is good but I am good at lying to myself to escape emotional pain. I am happy that I have learned this.

[MarcStLouis-pjme]

Joni Mitchell’s lyrics to her song, “Both Sides, Now” come to mind. ...”It’s life’s illusions I recall, I really don’t know life at all.”
Thank you for all your good works Daniel.

[CHANNELQ]

yea i played along too but the abuse never ended, no one else ever told the truth or took responsibility. i don't want to be in a world where this is what happens.

[retromachine]

It is interesting watching someone lie to you, they know their lying, you know their
Lying... Their body language and micro facial expressions tell the full story. It's almost like watching a bad actor.

[Oresamada]

Thank you for making this video. I grew up in gaslighting family and when I had the chance to move out I started realizing how bad the abuse was back there and they constantly told me Im over reacting or that some things didnt even happen and I felt and still feel so shook up and scared that maybe Im completely delusional. This video restored mt clarity. again, Thank you

[huckmart]

A lesson I've learned is that it really doesn't work. It's just a bandaid fix for some issues. You're much better off telling the truth in all situations even if it's an ugly truth. It just leads to a healthier outcome most of the time. Even if it wasn't the one you particularly wanted.

[Emmiee]

i have kind of always been ashamed of how i grew up and the abuse i have received form my parents. so i had to constantly lie to feel “normal.”
i never wanted people to pity me or think less of me…this is primarily what turned me into a “liar.”

[john-hoeu]

I heard this once from a very intelligent person who said consensus reality is bound by culture and bound by time but not by truth. I am on the autistic spectrum so I value truth very much but find it impossible to rely on most others for it. I am capable of lying to myself when there is no other way out and like everyone else I am a incomplete human still learning. Thank you Daniel for speaking about all these topics. Humans have a hard time living with a myth that is not aligned with reality. Our Christian myth degenerated a long time ago so now it does not serve us. It does not reconcile good and evil, it treats matter as dead and lastly it only brings in the pure feminine not the dark feminine. We need a complete myth to live by or we will perish as a species. Our unconscious acceptance of western christian materialistic culture is our if that's they way things are, should be or need to be....oh yeah right.