Ethical dilemma: Would you lie? - Sarah Stroud

Puzzle through the ethical dilemma of lying to a friend, and decide: is lying always wrong or can it be justifiable?

--

Your plan to set up your friend Carey with your acquaintance Emerson is finally coming together. You’ve made them a dinner reservation, but suddenly realize that there's a problem: Carey is always late. You really want this relationship to work— what if you told Carey dinner was at 6 instead of 6:30, so they arrived on time? Is it okay to lie? Sarah Stroud explores this classic ethical dilemma.

Lesson by Sarah Stroud, directed by Avi Ofer.

This video was produced in collaboration with the Parr Center for Ethics, housed within the renowned Philosophy Department at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. The Parr Center is committed to integrating abstract work in ethical theory with the informed discussion of practical ethical issues, and prides itself on the development of innovative and inclusive approaches to moral and civic education.

Support Our Non-Profit Mission
----------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------

Connect With Us
----------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------

Keep Learning
----------------------------------------------

----------------------------------------------

Thank you so much to our patrons for your support! Without you this video would not be possible! ReuniteKorea, Aaron Henson, Rohan Gupta, Begum Tutuncu, Mikhail Shkirev, Brian Richards, Cindy O., Jørgen Østerpart, Tyron Jung, Carolyn Corwin, Carsten Tobehn, Katie Dean, Ezgi Yersu, Gerald Onyango, alessandra tasso, Côme Vincent, Doreen Reynolds-Consolati, Manognya Chakrapani, Ayala Ron, Eunsun Kim, Phyllis Dubrow, Ophelia Gibson Best, Paul Schneider, Joichiro Yamada, Henrique Cassús, Lyn-z Schulte, Karthik Cherala, Clarence E. Harper Jr., Vignan Velivela, Ana Maria, Exal Enrique Cisneros Tuch, Tejas Dc, Khalifa Alhulail, Martin Stephen, Dan Paterniti, Jose Henrique Leopoldo e Silva, Elnathan Joshua Bangayan, Jayant Sahewal, Mandeep Singh, Abhijit Kiran Valluri, Morgan Williams, Kris Siverhus, Devin Harris, Pavel Zalevskiy, Karen Goepen-Wee, Filip Dabrowski, Barbara Smalley, Megan Douglas, Tim Leistikow and Ka-Hei Law.

[deathXbyXlight]

This one is pretty easy imo. Emerson will definitely find out about Carey's chronic lateness eventually, and would be hurt if you lied to them about it. It would also hurt the relationship. Tell Emerson that Carrey is often late, tell Carrey to be on time for once ffs, and then let them do with the information what they will. You didn't lie, everyone was reasonably informed, their happiness is up to them at this point

[marcopohl]

I think there's a bigger problem with the lie than it's inherent ethics: what if she's on time for once? That would screw up their relationship too, wouldn't it?

[teststudent]

But we're missing one important fact: if Emerson considers lateness irresponsible, why should one lie? Emerson should experience Carey's behavior for themselves and then make a decision accordingly.

[AndiKravljaca]

I've been in this exact situation with a band mate who always came late to rehearsals and shows. We collectively decided to tell him the soundcheck was at twelve thirty when it was actually at two. Lo and behold, he was on time. Absolutely no regrets.

[mada]

I would just tell Carey:
"If you came late this time (as you always do) things might not work, it's up to you now"
Sometimes lying isn't bad, but if we can get the same result without that little white lie, all the better.

[MillionaireHoyOriginal]

I wouldn't lie in this case. I'd express to the friend the importance of being on time and it would be up to them to be late or not. The other partner will inevitably discover the lapse in punctuality and it will be up to them to decide if that's a deal breaker or not.

[MoeTavern]

Definitely makes no sense to lie here. What if Carey sees punctuality as important for once because she is more adaptable than we think. Then she comes on time, has to wait and nothing is achieved.

[limerence]

Adults when I was a kid: "Lying is bad, you must never do it!"

Me when I got a present I didn't like and said so verbally: "You must keep it to yourself!"

No wonder people think autistic people are tackless, we just interpret things literally, we're doing what we were taught.

[DnZpcGaming]

Why lie? Just make it clear that the other values punctuality. If she's interested she'll be there in time

[timonix]

In my friend group we do this all the time. When sending out invites just about everyone gets different times in the invitation. There is a constant adjustment as well, because every knows that they get different times and compensates for that. So now you have to compensate for the compensation and so on. Everyone is in a constant struggle into manipulating everyone else to their liking and it just works out anyway somehow.

[autumngalix]

"It's only a lie if they have a right to know"

Growing up, I used lies to protect myself from abusive family members. By hiding the symptoms of my disability, I would avoid arguements. Lieing is a tool that I only ever used to cover up my own mistakes from those who would hurt me for them.

I would never, under any circumstances, use a lie to mess with someone else's life. With close friends and people I trust, I am open and I don't lie about anything. I allow myself to be that vulnerable because for the most part, I don't get to be vulnerable.

[GaryLiseo]

Being in a family where we’ve done similar things for siblings who are almost always late, this is easy for me. I’d lie and say the date is 30 minutes earlier than it really is. I wouldn’t leave it at that though, because life isn’t so simple. I’d tell the other person how their date is normally late to things and that I told him/her an earlier time

[JR]

OR give a heads up….
“My friend Carrie is usually late, please try to be patient with her and dont take it personally.”

That being said. I like where the video ended.

[lucy-rdre]

if carrie is actually interested in the date then she should show up on time. its not your responsibility to make sure she doesnt ruin the date.

[avalonsaga]

This scenario assumes that lying will lead to a good outcome for either of these people... you could also be wasting both their time by trying to set up two incompatible people, and building a relationship that will have lateness as a potential constant tension and conflict. They could be using that time to find people that will be more compatible for themselves.

[MissKittieMo]

i live this scenario daily; my mother, since the dawn of time, has always been late. it is a personality trait for her, she is never on time for anything. we honestly believe that she has it written in her will that we cannot bring her casket into the church until after everyone has arrived and been seated, thus making her late for her own funeral.

and because of it, yes, we ALL lie to her about the time. so much so that she's caught on and manages to STILL be late. We gave her a custom invitation to my sister's wedding in which we put a different time and she STILL managed to sneak her way up the back AS WE WERE STANDING AT THE ALTER.

so we've increased the time difference from 30 to 60 minutes 😂 and will keep going up as she catches on lol

[jakewu]

Eventually, you stayed at home, kept contemplating about the ethics of this issue and trying to find the best solution, so you finished reading Immanuel Kant’s Critique of Pure Reason and John Mill’s Utilitarianism, as a result, you forgot texting both Carey and Emerson - perfectly solved this moral dilemma with procrastination!
Well done🎉🎉🎉!

[somerandomguy___]

I would either say that's its half an hour earlier or tell her the real time and tell Emmerson that she has a tendancy to be late

It's always better to tell the whole story and not just part of it and Emmerson doesn't necessarily have to learn the truth the hard way

[BlenderDefender]

The big question is, whether this is actually lying in the first place / you would actually need to lie to solve the problem. Time planning with huge buffers is a usual pattern for many people suffering from chronic lateness. So you could actually set the goal to be 18.00, taking into consideration that there will eventually be something holding you back, so you'll arrive on time at 18.30. Therefore, I'd answer the question with "Try to arrive at 18.00, so you have a bit of time left before the dinner begins." This reveals the fact that you're planning with a time buffer and the time you sent is earlier than the time the dinner actually takes place.

[damedesuka]

I love the animation and art style very much. Simple, a bit haunting, but also cute? So many feelings.