Why do people lie to me? | Patrons Choice

People lie to me all the time. Social lying is something I've had to come to terms with. It hasn't been easy. In this month's patrons choice video we explore some of the reasons that people lie.

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// WELCOME TO ASPERGERS FROM THE INSIDE!!

My name is Paul and I discovered I have Aspergers at age 30.

Yes, I know, I don't look autistic. That's exactly why I started this blog, because if I didn't show you, you would never know.

As the name suggests, this channel is devoted to giving you insight into the world of Aspergers.
This blog started off being just my story, but I've learned SO MUCH about my own condition
from meeting others on the Autism Spectrum that now I make sure to feature their stories as well.

I've come a long way in my own personal journey.
Now I'm sharing what I've found so you don't have to learn it the hard way too.

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// WHAT TO EXPECT FROM THIS BLOG

I value your time which means there are NO YOUTUBE ADS on my videos.
You can expect me to get to the point with concise useful information.
I focus on what is most important and don't shy away from difficult topics.

The best way to learn about Autism is to see it in real life ( i.e. via the stories of many, many people on the spectrum).

In this channel I endeavour to show you what Autism and Aspergers look like in real people and to also give you some insight as to what's happening on the inside.
I upload a new video every weekend with some bonus content thrown in mid-week too.
There's always new stuff coming through so be sure to check back and see what you've missed. (Is this where I'm supposed to tell you to hit that subscribe button?)

Topics Include:
- What is Aspergers/Autism?
- Aspie Tips, coping strategies, and advice on common issues
- Learning Emotional Intelligence (this is my special interest!)
- Autism in real life: stories from special guests

Everything I do is and endeavour to go deeper and take you 'behind the scenes' to understand what may, at first glance, seem 'odd'.
oh, and I love busting stereotypes and turning preconceptions upsidedown :)

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// ABOUT ME

I discovered I have aspergers at the age of thrity.
It has been my life's mission to understand these funny creatures we call humans.
My special interest is a combination of emotional intelligence, psychology, neuroscience, thinking styles, behaviour, and motivation. (I.e. what makes people tick)
My background is in engineering and I see the world in systems to be analysed.
My passion is for taking the incredibly complex, deciphering the pattern, and explaining it very simply.
My philosophy is that blogging is an adventure best shared.

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// EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE TRAINING

I also run autism friendly online emotional intelligence training. So if you like my direct, systematic style, and would like to improve your own emotional intelligence skills, check it out here:

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// CONTACT

Blogging is an adventure best shared which means I'd love to hear from you!
Feel free to leave me a comment or send me and email at any time and I'll do my best to respond promptly.

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy this channel!
I look forward to hearing from you!

Peace,

~Paul

[DeltaRA]

What frustrates me the most is when people aren't even conscious of a difference between what they said and what they meant. They say something and expect me to interpret their meaning, then a disagreement comes up and I repeat what they said verbatim and they claim "that's not what I said". It is exactly what they said and it's extremely frustrating for someone to deny a fact, but what I've learned is that a lot of people actually remember themselves having said what they meant. They don't remember the exact words they used; their brain did not record the conversation as it was spoken, it recorded the conversation as they interpreted it. They aren't trying to gaslight me by denying what they said; they are recalling what they said to the best of their ability but the best they can do is remember an imprecise version of what was said. Most of the lies people tell me are like this; they aren't maliciously stating untrue information, they're just confidently stating inaccurate or imprecise information that they believe. To put it another way, they aren't trying to lie to me they are just bad at telling the truth. They think close enough is good enough.

[rvrc]

The one I find most difficult is when its something like I ask something and get fobbed off with an excuse which I know not to be true and is a blatant lie, just say no its a simple word and I'd appreciate and respect being told no than just being lied or fobbed off with a really poor excuse. Just say no

[AryehAmitz]

I find it really hard to deal with people who do not portray their emotions, needs, and preferences in an authentic way. It really upsets me because I depend very heavily on analyzing behavior and patterns in order to understand people. When a person is inauthentically portraying themselves I makes me feel like I dont know the person. It really upsets my understanding of how to interact with them.

I think most people probably feel this way to some degree, but I just react very viscerally to it. I find it confusing in a way that often leads to a meltdown. Its like the quickest way for me to experience cognitive overloading.

[yasminalibazoglu]

I am always told that I am too direct in my communication. Seems to be off putting to most people, therefore I switch to my created persona, which is more relatable.... this is beyond exhausting to keep up!!! Much easier to stay home, acting is becoming more difficult with the aging

[JAMQWERT]

I struggle with this too because my success in interpreting what I am expected to do (like in a job) is based on the information given. When people assume you understand the unspoken components of what they are saying, but you only understand exactly what was said in a literal way, it is often very different to what was meant. I always feel like this whole world runs on lies and I have no clue which are which. It also makes people sound like hypocrites and I don't know who to really trust with the true information... "So are you really saying the truth or is this another subjective statement?" Is something that runs through my head in every conversation. Sometimes it feels like I am a foreigner in another country where I can understand the words but not the true context beneath, and everyone else around does. There is a good reason to be tired all the time....as it is exhausting work understanding the NT world!!! I think we aspies are amazing considering how much work it is just to maintain status quo! Good work for sharing your explanations. I have great difficulty explaining to others what I go through and your channel has allowed me to tell them through you. I just send them to your links. Thanks!!

[waynecampbell]

Us aspergers put alot of effort in what we are passionate about. We love to be honest and direct. We dont understand and hate manipulative behavior and we can spot it easily.

[AS-jqlb]

i’m neurotypical and i love your video content, plenty of lessons for everyone to learn in it whether NT or on the spectrum. keep up the good work!

[hisnewlife]

I tend to attract abusive people and men in particular. I am not sure why that is other than I think they find me an easy target because I am lonely and alone without family. These same people lie all the time and it really upsets me. They either withhold information or misrepresent their intentions toward me or even they become what they think I want in a partner, but are absolutely nothing like that person, then I feel lied to. I would love for friends and a partner who is honest and I can feel like I can relax and trust them and get to be my authentic self. Is this even possible?

[toomuchsci-fi]

This was one of the hardest things for me to figure out. Going through middle school and high school was the worst because girls were awful and the bullying was horrendous. I like that you addressed this topic and I really wish someone could have given me this information when I was younger.

[OrionOlamPiksie]

Honestly- most of the time I encounter a lie-the person is generally tryin to manipulate me and use what I have.

[kissit]

Most people want to be lied to so they treat you the way they want to be treated. The thing is, many of them will also get upset if they discover you lied. Strange. I just tell the truth regardless of their feelings and they learn to either not ask me questions they don’t want the answer to or get over trying to make me like them. I tell them to get over themselves when they expect me to play their games.

[Topg]

I think what helps me is to judge myself with the standard I use to judge everyone. I found this humbling. I noticed that I have a hard time being upfront with people because I don’t want to be perceived as mean. I used to get angry with my parents about the time thing. Part of it was that I’m often late. I have ADHD and “ mild” autism.

[lies-hurt_Love-Heals]

I pretend a lot too but I can’t stand lies. I’m not diagnosed but my whole life I’ve been going with everyone else’s flow because I was too afraid to offend. I’ve attracted the worst kinds of people and I just want to be alone forever now. Thank You for speaking about this.

[satiricwriter]

Brutal honesty is hard to be like in a lying society for us aspies. Especially with interview questions. Giving them "formal" answers or professional answers, i just feel that i am bullshitting the interviewer with making up interest in their company or what they do. I just care about the cash i would make.

We need an honest interview and still be accepted in a job for blunt honesty instead of jumping through these ridiculous hoops to seem socially professional.

[CrystalMouse]

This complex behavior exhausts me the most. I figure out one aspect of that person and think it's the whole person so when it changes I think they're lying. When really they might have different sides just like I do. It's not evil but it feels like it when I constantly feel like I'm playing catch up with people I thought I knew. Plus people change every day or every year

[krissyk]

I pretend all the time at work. Pretend I'm happy and confident and "normal." I want to keep my job and if I really showed what I was feeling everyone would think I'm strange.
I wish people could be honest. I cant be honest with my mum for example. She just likes to pretend that everything's fine and we're happy and have a great relationship. If i ever try to express how i really feel or an opinion she gets very defensive and upset and wont listen. So i dont bother now. I think growing up like this is why i'm such a pretender now and have trouble expressing my opinion and feelings.

[Ken-S]

Most cases other than the cases in the video: They are just trying to take advantage on you.

[sandcastles]

“ Being too honest is like being too naked “ Gold

[anascarlet]

My mom: it's 3 pm.
Me: it's not 3, it's 2:30!!!
SUCH inaccuracy! It's audacious.

[VFCforever]

"But you said this and it doesn't mean that." Omg I've had discussions with my husband about this before. I'll tell him that the words he used have a different meaning from what he is trying to say and it throws me off!