How to Negotiate With a Narcissist. 11 Tricks to Help You Win!

Negotiating with a narcissist is a nightmare. Narcissists will gaslight, accuse, deflect, manipulate, and exploit you for their benefit. Fortunately, you can use their personality flaws to beat them at their own game.

Chapters:
00:00 – Intro
00:14 – What is a Narcissist?
01:28 – How does a Narcissist react to losing?
02:15 – How to act during Negotiations with a Narcissist
04:23 – Using a Narcissist’s own flaws to beat them

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How to negotiate with a narcissist.

What is a Narcissist?
Narcissism is a personality disorder characterized by an excessive sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy for others, and a need for admiration. A textbook narcissist:
• Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements, expects to be recognized as superior without actually completing the achievements)
• Is preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, brilliance, beauty, or perfect love.
• Believes that they are “special” and can only be understood by or should only associate with other special people (or institutions).
• Requires excessive admiration.
• Has a sense of entitlement, such as an unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment or compliance with his or her expectations).
• Is exploitative and takes advantage of others to achieve their own ends.
• Lacks empathy and is unwilling to identify with the needs of others.
• Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of them.
• Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors and attitudes
—National Library of Medicine, Narcissistic Personality Disorder
It’s worth noting that no one exhibits all these traits all the time, and that many people display some of these traits at times. Narcissistic Personality Disorder must be diagnosed by professional, a clinical psychologist or psychiatrist.
It probably comes as little surprise that people with these personality traits might not react very well if they feel like they are losing.
How does a Narcissist react to losing?
If a narcissist feels like they are losing, they may become angry, defensive, or even aggressive in response to a perceived slight or loss. You have to take extra effort to avoid making a narcissist feel like they are losing if you hope to reach an agreement.
Narcissists have a hard time accepting a loss and their ego will cause them to have a hard time moving on emotionally. They will blame others for their failure and refuse to take responsibility for it.
Additionally, they may devalue or belittle the person or thing they lost to make themselves feel better. If the narcissist feels like the negotiation is slipping away, they may become obsessed with the idea of winning and may escalate the stakes to a win-or-die scenario.
So, if narcissists can’t emotionally accept a loss in the course of a negotiation, then how can you successfully reach an agreement?
How to act during negotiations with a Narcissist.
Negotiating with a narcissist can be a difficult task as they tend to be highly self-centered and may not be willing to consider other perspectives. Your goal is to keep the negotiation moving without setting them off. If you set them off, then the negotiation is over. Here are some strategies that can help keep a narcissist in the negotiation:
Stay calm and composed: Narcissists may attempt to provoke an emotional reaction, so it’s important to stay calm and composed during the debate. Avoid getting defensive or argumentative, and try to maintain a neutral tone.
Come prepared: Research and prepare your points in advance. Having a clear understanding of the topic and the relevant facts and evidence will give you the confidence to counter their emotional arguments effectively.
Be specific and use evidence: Narcissists tend to rely on generalities and broad claims rather than specific evidence or facts to improve their negotiating position. Use concrete examples and data to support your points, and challenge any claims they make that lack evidence.
Avoid personal attacks: Narcissists may take any personal attacks as a threat to their self-esteem and react strongly. Avoid making any personal attacks or insulting them, instead focus on the topic at hand. Instead of accusing them, use “I” statements to express your needs and concerns.
Avoid playing into their need for attention: Narcissists have a strong need for attention, and may attempt to dominate the conversation. Try to steer the conversation back on track and maintain control of the debate by addressing the key points and evidence.
Expect them to avoid accountability: Narcissists tend to have a distorted sense of reality and may have difficulty...

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How to negotiate with a narcissist in a divorce

[AdamHoffman-lteq]

Narcissists don't always get angry. They can be very smooth liars.

[gingerspeidel-yset]

I won against my narcissists.I flushed them down the toilet.

[FrancescaCadhit]

This is a difficult topic, but important. "Don't expect them to admit they're wrong." Truth!

[batgirlp]

They don't care about your needs.
That hit hard.😢

[gurglejug]

One cannot argue with a Narcissist, only offer them something.

[MeenaHarlow-kxfz]

They usually dig their own graves eventually. Give them the chance to talk as much as possible about themselves infront of officials like judges or evaluators. True narcissism is easily detectable in the end.

[NilfNilf]

Not a friend of the “can only be diagnosed by a licensed professional” disclaimer … I take the verdict of someone who knows the suspect a long time and understands narcissism over a non-super-specialized therapist. Narcs are VERY good at faking a first inpression, even to therapists.

[mikehess]

Thank you Matthew. They play the victim or hero as needed and are never wrong.

[danielaspitz]

I'm a survivor of narcissistic abuse. I didn't really know until I turned 49 and knew I have Cptsd. I'm so gold at seeing through them, after being exposed to them for just a short time. They retraumatise me, get me depressed me and make me feel so bad in their presence. They always do the same things, so it's not that hard seeing through their patterns after a reasonable time span

[kianicole]

Negotiations with a narcissist is a fool’s errand. Do whatever you legitimately think is right and deal with whatever fallout comes from it. Document everything.

[MichellePhillipsNC]

Excellent points. Was married to one for 20 years. Make them think it’s THEIR idea. Fantastic advice!!!

[heather]

It's nice to see an attorney who understands these abusers. However, I think you just described some "Karen's" lol

[suzanneoc]

Right on… Be willing to walk away, help them think that what you need from them is in their best interests, keep reminding yourself of boundaries you set and stick to them, stay calm and don’t engage. That’s how I avoided court with my ex… at discovery his lawyer didn’t know who I was and I had been talking with him when my ex came up and said… so you met my wife. His lawyer grabbed him immediately and said … this is your wife! Everything was settled that day because his lawyer was a bulldog that turned on him. My ex had described me very differently than his lawyer expected and his lawyer said that I’d be a great witness for myself. I told my ex that day that I was going to hold my head up and he could keep being the snake that he is. I took back some of my myself that day. ❤

[CharlieWhiskey]

Life is one big competition for a Narc, and their fragile ego means they have to win. So you have to find a scenario that can be sold to them as “You win!”

[alastair]

Excellent video. Most of those rules must be followed when dealing with a narcissist. But to a lesser extent they are good to follow when negotiating with anyone.

[dsn]

Thankfully we have you to help us with the difficult people in our lives. It’s hard to keep your own identity around someone who is a narcissist. I went to counseling for help also.

[forensicbadassprofiling]

Thanks Mathew.
If I could add one more tip, for you all to hire a coach prior to the divorce to coach you through a lot of what Matthew was talking about. Your own attorney will not prepare you for this. Your own attorney may not even know anything remotely as this man certainly does.
Hire a coach, a court strategic, of victims advocate and we will help get your ass through to expose and settle equitably, including getting your children back child custody, and child support.

[ish]

Great video. This sounds like my manager.

[katrina]

Spot on. I wish I could’ve hired you.

[TerriK]

I have learned so much from you and always appreciate your views and comments on RA channel.
I watch all you videos.
Love this video!
My daughter is going through a horrible divorce and he is such a narcissist. She just wants to end the marriage, be safe, and keep her children safe, both mentally and physically. Every time we turn around he lies, turns things around and takes her to court for EVERYTHING.
We want him to be in the boys life, but he plays head games and favorites with them and now they all in therapy.
All she asked was for him to take some parenting classes, apparently he is perfect and to good for classes.
Thank you, I have shared this video with the whole family. Nice to have someone out there, that is actually looking out for people and not just bucks.