8 Stages of a Toxic Romance With BPD Man

In this video, I talk about the 8 destructive stages of a relationship with a man with untreated BPD. I will also explain 5 distinctions between males and females with BPD.

Please SUBSCRIBE for new videos every Monday and hit the notification bell so you don't miss anything! I would so greatly appreciate it. 💜

If you have an idea of something you want me to talk about, please let me know because I take your requests seriously!

About Lise Leblanc
Lise Leblanc is a Therapist, Life Coach Practitioner, and Author with over 20 years of experience in therapeutic, educational, and leadership roles.

For information about private consultations, please visit my website:

CONTACT LISE LEBLANC Through Other Platforms:

DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION IN THIS VIDEO IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL ADVICE, DIAGNOSIS OR TREATMENT. Lise Leblanc does not provide personalized psychological, health, or legal advice. Any information or responses provided on YouTube are general and hypothetical, not individualized. This content is for informational purposes only and viewers should verify primary sources and/or seek professional services. Narratives about clients are heavily modified to protect their identities, using blurred details to teach and reassure without revealing private information about individuals.

If you have thoughts about harming yourself, get help right away by taking one of these actions:

Call 911 or your local emergency number immediately.
Call a suicide hotline number. In the U.S., call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) In Canada: 1.833.456.4566
Call your mental health provider, doctor or other health care provider.
Reach out to a loved one, trusted friend.
DISCLAIMER: THIS IS FOR INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR MENTAL HEALTH CARE.

Introduction (0:00)
5 Key BPD Gender Differences (1:32)
Stage 1 - Idealization (3:14)
Stage 2 - Fear of Abandonment (5:53)
Stage 3 - Splitting (8:10)
Stage 4 - Paranoia and Dissociation (10:15)
Stage 5 - The Makeup Stage (11:34)
Stage 6 - Push-Pull Cycle (12:05)
Stage 7 - Emotional Discard (12:49)
Stage 8 - Repeat and Recycle (14:41)

#NPD #covertnarcissist #borderline #bpd

[matthewishunting]

I'm a male with BPD and I feel terrible for all of this. I was never violent or threatening to my ex, but I know I was exhausting to her. I'm glad this video exists. I don't want to go back into cycles. I just want to love correctly :(

[boop]

I was involved with a male bpd who also showed traits of NPD. It was an absolute nightmare and left me with severe trauma after the discard. Never again

[Alexandra-oyxu]

Getting divorced from a man with BPD after 5 years of marriage. He told me the day we signed the paperwork that he had known of the diagnosis since 19 but was too ashamed to tell me. Every single phase you described I went through and now I need therapy to heal. Spent 5 years confused and thinking I was the problem. Then he fell in love with my best friend and got her pregnant. I see him idolizing her constantly the same way he did to me in the beginning. The impulsivity, the drug use, the gaslighting it was so bad I was a shell of myself by the time he left. These people are SO exhausting.

[tamiejones]

I spent over 20 yrs with a male BPD. The cycles were exhausting. The splitting was horrific. I called it "from Pedestal to the Gallos" The last 10 years before we separated he was living a double life. He had many girlfriends and hid it well, until the last one who is a BPD female. Our divorce lasted 7 years and was the most abusive time of our relationship because to him, I was abandoning him. He became violent, striking me and at one point trying to run me over with his car. I cannot stress enough, after a relationship with a BPD person, please seek therapy for yourself.

[veri.contrary]

my boyfriend of 6yrs now is diagnosed with BPD and shows a lot of NPD symptoms as well, he’s almost a textbook example of the disorder. it’s heartbreaking to see how tormented he is by it despite working everyday to manage the intense emotional instability. i wouldn’t be with him still if he wasn’t committed to managing his disorder, not just for our relationship but for himself too.
it’s been a long journey and have been hurt along the way but i wouldn’t trade it for anything—both of us have clinically significant mental health issues but we’re both improving daily.

[onelove]

I lived this and it was absolute hell. I’m so glad I got out. I can’t explain the misery I was in during this relationship. I hope anyone going through this can find some relief or get help.

[ArmandoS-wsbr]

Unfortunately you described me and I believe I have BPD. I'm tired of living in this delusional and I truly don't want to hurt anyone anymore. I'm seeking to get diagnosed and get help for the rest of my life because I'm going to need it! 🙏🏽

[alexisjankowski]

I was in a BPD relationship with my ex-finance. He would talk about how far he had come in interpersonal relationships and that I had no idea how well he treated me. He said ours was the most stable relationship while for me, it was my most unstable. I wanted to give him stability, but I realized my love wasn’t enough to heal him. I was in love with a fantasy and was actually ready to leave the reality of how I was being treated.

[iamaliveyoucantstopnow]

If you are healthy this dynamic will make you feel weird as f*ck. It is suffocating and feels insane. If you are lonely and sad it can feel amazing!

[wendydaniel]

Twenty wasted years with an untreated BPD partner. I was unaware of BPD and its very destructive patterns before many You tube videos. An absolute nightmare on every level. Went though many recycles . He threatened self harm several times. Cut him off for good in 2021 went no contact. He's now 60. He's not my concern. Healing is a choice, and I have chosen to heal, learn that lesson and move on. I wish him well but not looking back. I survived a tsunami and I thank God for taking my through that storm. Never again❤

[miovicdina]

Thank you for addressing male BPD.
It's exhausting.

[asalane]

This personality complex is nearly impossible to coexist with. The thing that was most seductive was the vulnerable quality— but then the violence and hostility are just shocking, even life-threatening.

[NormanHinoteII]

I just lost what I believe is the love of my life. This video describes me 90%. Thank you for the video. I was feeling like I was just evil and a horrible person. I’m thankful to be BPD aware as of now. I’m going to seek therapy.

[charlieconnor]

Hey, if you have bpd and are reading the comments, can I please add that the remission rate is incredibly high for people who commit to cbt & commit to a stable, slower life. Bpd is hell and both parties are victims in this relationship. Its traumatising and heartbreaking but life CAN be beautiful, you can learn how to think & feel different, and, healthy love can transform you. Also, substance misuse is the number one indicator for Relapse. Please always remember, Substances do not help, they create.

[angelao]

Wow, this has been my exact experience over the last 3 yrs.
What is worse, I even started to mirror his impulsiveness and have my own explosive episodes of reactive abuse. This gave him more fuel and justification to make me the "bad guy" and the one to blame for everything.
I didn't even recognize myself anymore and felt incredibly ashamed for my reactivity. The shame and guilt only kept me in the toxic cycle longer as I tried to be a better person and make up for my actions.
These relationships are so painful and difficult for both parties. Being undiagnosed, I know his emotions and outbursts are confusing for him as well. Many channels demonize those with NPD or BPD so thank you for simply stating the facts and providing information on how to recognize and heal from this trauma. Your content has been very helpful.

[mfrance]

Everything stated in this video is exactly true. The thing is that when you don’t know who you’re dealing with, you don’t get it. It’s just a confusing, unrewarding and unloving miserable time. You keep hoping and waiting for them to go back to their original behavior of idealization which of course never happens. When you finallly understand that there is nothing you can do to improve the situation bc it’s not about you…then you move on. For your sanity.

[TruthSeekers]

This is why some of us BPDs just avoid relationships all together, the truth is most of us do care about others, I know I do, my emotions are just to intense to see through sometimes, so il most likely be alone my whole life, less pain for you and me. I wish I could say therapy helps but I've done years, still no changes once I'm triggered, even this video triggers me which I hate I can tell Lise is a good person. Most of us are truly sorry for those we have hurt, unfortunately that doesnt change much.

The problem is most of us BPDs grew up with narcissistic parents, either that or many of our relationships are with narcissists, and their empathy is usually non existent from what I've seen, so we often think others are like that, I believe that's why we split so easily.

[jjc]

Wish I could send this to him but it won’t matter. Hope he gets help for his severe alcohol addiction.

[HaloHuntress]

This is it! The answer and closure I was looking for! He's at the discard stage but this is it. Everything so far, substance abuse, sudden leave, so open and emotional at first, needy, numb, everything. He's undiagnosed and doesn't want help. I've been trying to rationalize and speak to emotions he doesn't have right now. I need to get out 😮😢

[amymartin]

THIS! This PERFECTLY describes what I just lived through. I'll share one of the very very last stages not mentioned here. Suicide. Because of the shame and splitting/delusions, low self-esteem, and self-hatred, some BPD men can't see any other way to live without the partner they love despite the hatred of them as well. So they manipulate and threaten suicide at you when they feel threats of abandonment. They send pictures of their attempt to guilt you, begging for help, proclaiming they want to he with you but can't be with people at the same time. Realizing the truth of how they know they can't change their negative/angry behaviors which affect you and realize they don't want to be alone either, they beat you to chase and impulsively end their own lives. Realizing moments before that they made a mistake and beg for help. Telling you they love you more than anything. My last messages between he and I should be in the medical journals for reference. This all came to a horrible crashing end last month for me when I told him I no longer wanted to keep doing the circle cycles of chaos. I am in deep deep grief, yet feel relief sadly as well. I am also in trauma and grief therapy. It dawned on me half way through the relationship he was a covert cluster B person and I didn't know how to undo things as we were going in circles with the love hate process and any self respecting woman would not tolerate such immature behavior. And yes, the partner does fall into a parental role. And the more I would set boundaries on him to do his own things and refuse to be manipulated, the more he would escalate drama. Or try to. I'm devastated by his loss and how it went down. I also saw how much emotional pain he actually lived in and tried to manage on the regular. Behind his BPD, was a beautiful, smart, loving boy/man who just wasn't given the environment or family to thrive as a child. None of it's his fault. It's mental illness. It's trauma. It's alcoholism to self regulate. I saw him. I loved him. And now he's free from the hell of humanity and what it did to him. I see all sides. And now I feel all sides as I grieve. The lesson in this, is once you realize what you're dealing with, get professional help to help you exit the relationship. Also, if the BPD person is showing signs of psychosis with rage, which becomes self harming or harming to you, call 911 for help. Don't be afraid to reach out for help. And don't continue to live on shame either. Tell someone you trust what you're going through. Help is available. For both parties involved. It's a sad mental illness that has elevated risks for suicide. Thank you very much for articulating this illness and video on the subject so very well!