Fear of Commitment Explained Simply

Fear of commitment explained and how to move through it. In this video, I talk about how putting simplistic labels on the fear of commitment serves only to reinforce it. Through understanding it, as well as emotional needs, the fear of commitment drops away naturally.

Dr. David Maloney is a Psychologist and a therapist/counselor. His has trained in a variety of techniques (person-centered, Gestalt, ACIM, psychodynamic) and works with people on a wide variety of issues. His main areas of expertise are in self-esteem, motivation, self-actualization, spirituality, relationships, overcoming procrastination, and living authentically. If you feel like you're are holding yourself back in life, or just need someone to talk things through with, his online coachng service might be perfect for you. From your own home, you can work with a highly trained and experienced therapist.

[drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy]

Knowing both your and your partner's emotional needs (in detail) is a concept I keep coming back to. Hope this video gives you some insight and thanks for taking the time to watch, David

[Evers-]

I always have a very large desire to be with someone, but right when they reciprocate feelings back and start to talk about a future together I freak out and want to pull away. Super frustrating:(

[snigdhapillutla]

I am telling this to each and everyone who searched for this video, " I am proud of you. You are doing good and its a great quality trying to find what is going on inside us and fixing it." You are not the only one, Be strong:))

[Julia-kvpo]

In my case it's because I'm scared of getting hurt or of choosing the wrong person

[thomasodenkirk]

I'm currently with someone who has a long history of commitment issues. He's a great person! And I made the mistake of as I saw him pull away to try and pull him closer. And it made things way worse. But then I decided to give him space and freedom and it totally made him want to be with me even more. My tip is to give them space! Let them realize how time apart makes them feel.

[tobiaswolf]

I love that you point out that people are actually giving up things by committing. In other sources I found those people who don´t want to commit are getting blamed and shunned because "it´s not a big deal, you don´t have to give up anything, the pressure and feelings of loss are only imaginary". I don´t want to feel guilty anymore for enjoying things on my own and for not knowing whether I am able to ever give those things up for a relationship.

[MTVluky]

Thanks for this video!

I myself have recently realised my extreme commitment problems when it comes to relationships. I have tried multiple times with women that I genuinely liked, but I would always end the relationship as soon as it went anywhere serious. It got so bad I thought I was asexual. But I’ve now realised it wasn’t the lack of attraction towards sex, but the fear of what that would lead to afterwards. I’m still learning, but yeah, thank you, this video has helped a lot :))

[justyouraveragegeek]

My problem is more in fear of being in a toxic relationship which I know is rooted with being exposed to many toxic relationships I’m around

[animator]

After going through six different videos, this was the one that actually got things right for me.

[Mirシ-lj]

I’m scared to commit because I’m scared I’ll miss out on so many other opportunities

[walsie]

This is me. I just left the love of my life because I couldn't commit to her and I wanted her to go and find the life she wants.

[tossitupman]

i tried to break up with my gf after a few years, she yelled that i never opened up and gave her a chance. Im always closed, never tell her how i feel, never say what annoys me or not. When she said that, took my words back and realized she was right. the moment things get serious i close up. Im, not sure if she is the right one for me, but for sure, I have never given her the chance after all these years, im terrified of commting any further in fear of hurting her more, but I think i owe her a true honest attempt. the fear is so stong but im pushing through it.I realized that pushed away all my old friends and family... I dont know wat happeneed to me.

[NeedMoreCoffeeOG]

I came out of a 9 year marriage three years ago and I 100% have a fear of commitment. Even though I truly, deeply love someone else now. I want them around for the rest of my life, and I'm willing to make sacrifices, but not ALL of them. I know that because I've done it. I can do monogamy. I can give up my time. But I don't like giving up my space and decision making, I just don't. I don't like who I become when I compromise. I become resentful, my light dulls, I become not present. Yes, stupid little shit like the colour of the bedsheets. It excites me to do things like that myself. It IS the little things in life. And when I compromise out of 'duty' for love, I become resentful. I just do. That's who I am. I'd take a bullet for him. I will not live a long life of compromises for anyone.

[TheRealElaineYu]

My fear of commitment comes from my fear of intimacy. I got scared when the guy tried to kiss or hug me and would sometimes push him away. I found that I kept disappearing during dates with my previous boyfriend because he was reluctant to invite me out so I kept running away so he would phone me to get me. The loss of freedom was a big issue because I'm quite an independent person and the guy I was with was clingy.

I got together with a different man 4 months after I left the previous partner and he respects when I need my space. Doesn't push for intimacy and gives gifts on time. He does the majority of the inviting out and paying for meals. Now, after 9 months of being with him, it's safe to say my fear of commitment just isn't there any more in this current relationship.

[spontaneousbootay]

Hmm.. sort of like the courage to be happy but you dont even know what will make you happy. This provided much needed clarity.. thank you.

[elbj]

The only time I don’t feel a fear is when I feel like they’re “out of reach” which I dislike, because I can like someone, but when they treat me kindly, with respect and are good to me, I panic. I so badly want to give someone everything, but suddenly when I get the chance I hestitate, I constantly feel I have to “win someone over” to actually deserve it, I am trying to work on it, because I do want to get closer to someone and actually start a relationship.

I know I have so much potential to be an amazing partner to someone, I know I am very romantic and that I am very kind, I love giving gifts and making someone smile, I’ve always dreamt of doing that, of giving roses and taking someone out to cute picnics or taking care of someone, but it always feels overshadowed by this side of me which I really dislike, I don’t want to be like this and nobody deserves to get hurt either by this type of behavior. I’ve always felt defected, like if I get close to someone I’ll ‘disappoint’ them, I feel I have to be perfect, I stress and overthink any romantic relationship situation, I stress because I suddenly feel as if I don’t deserve it and I’m not good enough or worthy for someone to commit to me because I feel I’ll ruin it, which has turned out to be a self fulfilling prophecy unfortunately.

I’m the only common denominator in all situationships that’ve gone wrong where someone actually liked me and put in an effort, I am very much aware, I’m trying to work on it and work through it.

[aurinkobay]

Being a woman, i'd say I can attest to regardless of genders, previous romantic relationships were nothing but unmet emotional needs. I still do not know how to address them or how to sound a bit more positive vs extreme negative feelings. When you mention a question "what is that they are giving up." I am running into 3 issues loss of freedom, nonsense jealousy scenes and unbalanced finances. I do not see or felt any emotional happiness, or felt ever being loved. I dont see anything positive being in relationship. The negatives outweigh the positive.

[MaddyHaley]

5 years and a child in, and he still “isn’t ready”. I’m at a place where I’m just ready to walk away. There’s nothing left for me here. I have done my best to be “worthy” and it’s never been good enough.

[smokedbeefandcheese]

Love seeing you all here working on this

[blackcatt]

My best friend and I love each other so much and have wanted to commit to each other on and off for a while, but we’re both afraid to make the next step and we’re honestly in a place where we’re halfway in and out and it hurts us. I know we have a lot of maturing and growing to do and self work but it just feels stuck, if it were a different time maybe it could work but for now it just feels in limbo, I’m just afraid I’d become her ex one day and not be her best friend