Steps to Overcome the Emotional Fatigue Caused by Hijackals

You know it. You're exhausted. Emotionally exhausted. You may have backed down so far that you feel like you're playing dead. Energy depleted and wondering where to find some.

First understand more about the symptoms of emotional exhaustion. Then, how to take steps to slowly find the energy---and motivation--to make some positive changes.

Slowly regain some energy to move towards positive possibilities for yourself and your children. Recognize causes & symptoms of emotional exhaustion.

HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:

- 12 ways Hijackals and other relentlessly difficult people are emotionally exhausting
- Symptoms of emotional exhaustion that are vital to see
- How difficult people slowly wear you down
- Steps to giving up feelings of helplessness and/or powerlessness

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* * Remember, narcissists and other toxic people come in all genders and ages * *
and toxic relationships can be at home, at work, at play... with your parent, boss, spouse, sibling, friend, co-worker.

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I am Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, The Relationship Help Doctor.
Are you in relationship with a Hijackal? That's someone who consistently puts you down, love-bombs and gaslights you, creates confusion and chaos, and causes you to second-guess yourself? I can help you recognize, understand, and make decisions about those kinds of narcissistic behavior…and especially, how to keep yourself (and your children) safe and sane.

No worries about where in the world you live. I work through private, secure video conferencing. So, we can certainly work together to figure a few things out.

CONNECT WITH ME:
Twitter: @RhobertaShaler
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Are you looking for relief from the pain, confusion and drama of toxic relationships? I can help.

You can reclaim your personal power. Keep watching my videos on YouTube to find strategies for changing your relationship dynamics.. When you're ready, let's talk.
You can take advantage of my one-time. new client introductory Consultation here (only $97 for a full hour)

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#boundaries #Hijackals #toxicpeople #narcissists #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #narcissisticabuse #personalitydisorder

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[thomasearl]

I tell myself everyday “ I’m exhausted, I can’t do this anymore”. Everything is my fault, even her own actions. I reached out and found counseling for the both of us and it’s really made me realize there’s no hope with her changing her behavior.

[ArtwSnow_flake]

my mother was like that. I MOVED 2 hours away from her. this is so overwhelmed

[jitterbug]

I didn't even think about the tricks being played around my rest, but this really had me reaching an ah ha moment.

[ItsMeHoneyUSA]

Can you discuss cheating, flirting, being overly friendly and it's upsetting, yet they don't see it or say they dont...

[anewchapter]

Thank you Dr. Shaler, could you address mother enmeshed men and their relationship with their mothers? My husband of 22 years puts his mother over me. I saw him kiss her on her neck from behind her when we were dating and told him that was uncomfortable and now I know he gaslit me and has been for 24 years. Recently he took her side about horrible nasty comments she and her sister have been making to our teen children. He doesn't have my back with her and recently took her side over me and I found texts between the two of them with her calling him "her man" and calling him "handsome" and he called her "handsome mom" and all kinds of odd texts that have kind of romantic type tension. She also told him to bring his two wonderful children to his sister's party, and leave the idiot (me) at home and he does nothing about this. I took a stand against these comments being made to my children nd am now the scapegoat. He recently left me and the kids to go back to his mother. This is all sickening and getting worse. I am half Indian and now I also see his family are closet racists and were only acting like the accepted me for 24 years. I have just been a tool to them.

[melaniedamour]

I think i totally am getting thiis hijacked right now by a narcissist, I've been in this relationship for 2 and a half years with this person.... I moved out 4 month ago I got myself an appartement but I'm still seeing him by guilt i think.... I'm trying to leave him completely but the week after I left he got custody of his 3 children from a previous vary toxic relationship now he's trying to get me to move back in the house . He gave me an ultimatum to leave my appartement and my job... basically my life behind and move with him and his kids out of town.

Witch i replied NO! I remember too well the WHY I left in the first place... it's a trap to hijacked me, myself, my soul... the reason why I left. Thank you for your video God bless!

[Adeno]

You are awesome, doctor! Your topics are very interesting. A "friend" (wink wink) finds them to be very relatable because my friend is living with someone that fits your description of a "hijackal". This "hijackal" uses different tones when talking to people. To those who earn more money than him or those he personally benefits from, he speaks to them with a gentle, friendly tone. To those who earns less than him, he talks to them sternly and without a tone of friendliness. To my friend, the "hijackal" uses a very disrespectful tone. It might sound like this "hijackal" has always been some kind of elite success, but no. My friend actually was the one who helped this "hijackal" when he was just starting his life here in the US almost two decades ago. My friend even let him sign up for a credit card using his name. My friend handled everything and help with all of his needs. Guess what, the "hijackal" did not pay for the credit card debt.

Year after year, the disrespect and maltreatment my friend experienced from this "hijackal" worsened. The "hijackal" would slam doors in the apartment to startle my friend. He did it so much that I think my friend developed a negative reaction towards door slams, like some kind of pavlovian reaction. My friend says that the door never needs to be slammed to close, as it can gently close easily. So what were the door slammings for? Probably an act to establish dominance, I told my friend.

My friend's a very peaceful and friendly person, but you know what? This "hijackal" caused my friend to actually know how to hate. My friend didn't know it was possible for him to "hate" someone, but it happened because of this "hijackal". That's how bad it got. Unfortunately, this "hijackal" married to my friend's family, so now there's even more reason for my friend to not confront this "hijackal" in order to keep family peace. My friend is the type of person who would just absorb the abuse rather than cause sadness and disrupt the family. This made him a very angry person inside. Very very angry. Extremely angry. So angry to the point that whenever the "hijackal" would say bad things to him out of nowhere, he'd just go explode inside because there's nowhere he could scream. There's nowhere he could express his anger.

Constant negative "criticisms" that don't really help, constant snide remarks, constant use of disrespectful tone, what did my friend do to deserve all of these, especially since he was the one who helped this "hijackal" get off his feet in the first place? My friend thought about all the possible reasons the "hijackal" was treating him this way, but he simply couldn't find any justification. He was fully aware of the saying, "If you are constantly being hated on, maybe you're doing something wrong" and that's why he did a very long analysis of himself. Still, he really couldn't find any. He was always polite. He was always helpful. He always showed respect, because my friend comes from a culture where somehow, you should show respect to elders simply because they're older (even if they don't deserve respect because of how horrible they are). Nope, my friend truly is a good person. Even strangers at his job often tell him "I feel safe with you" simply because he's kind and sincere. So what reason does this "hijackal" have to treat him badly?

My friend also said that sometimes, the "hijackal" would accuse him of sounding angry or irritated. Really? My friend would of course say that he isn't angry or irritated. In his mind though, this accusation caused him to get angry AND irritated because the "hijackal" was falsely accusing him. It's like the "hijackal" was looking for trouble and he's waiting for my friend to bite the bait.

Speaking of biting the bait, there were many times my friend just really wanted to punch the lights out of this "hijackal". Again, my friend's like a monk, very peaceful, very patient, never got into a fight in his life. But this "hijackal" keeps pushing him too much to the point that the violence inside him was starting to erupt. Thankfully, my friend is in full control of his natural urges. Without a place to scream, without a place to express his anger, he just plays the piano or he recreates the likeness of this "hijackal" in one of those boxing games and he beats him up there instead. He makes the fight last a full 12 rounds before knocking him out to punish this "hijackal" in his fantasy. His nickname for this "hijackal" is "Hitlerhole" because he said he's the reincarnation of Hitler's butthole.

This "hijackal" is so bad that my friend avoids him at home, because he knows that once the "hijackal" sees him, there would be another terrible comment coming his way. My friend only eats at midnight or whenever the hijackal's already in his room sleeping. Even during the day, my friend won't eat breakfast or lunch if the "hijackal" is out there. My friend hates holidays and weekends when the "hijackal" is home, so he says he cooks in advance so that if he ever gets hungry, he'd have something to eat wherever he is.

This "hijackal" once made my friend feel so bad about himself that he also lost all self-respect and self-worth, to the point that my friend just wanted to "jump" to "go to sleep long term". That's how bad that "hijackal" made him feel. He said he already planned it all out "to not make a mess for whoever passes by". After some consideration and thinking that life is too short anyway and death would eventually come sooner or later, he said he decided to just stick it out and see what happens until the end of his natural life. He thought that maybe, he'd find a way to get rich and move away from this toxic place. He said that maybe, if he ever wins the lotto, he'd give the "hijackal" a couple million dollars just to destroy his pride because if he accepts the money, then he'll have to live his life knowing fully well that he's using the money of the person he disrespects the most in life, to survive.

My friend wonders, are "hijackals" psychopaths? It's just that they seem to have similarities he says. This "hijackal" has the ability to be "charming" in front of those he considers equal or superiors, while outright trashy and disrespectful to those he deems below him. My friend says he remembers this "hijackal" using the same old disrespectful tone on fast food workers when they had to go out as a "family". My friend felt sorry for the worker because he didn't really do anything bad and he didn't deserve to be addressed with that kind of disrespectflu tone.

There was a time when my friend and the "hijackal" worked at the same company. The "hijackal" would be so kind and gentle and docile towards his superiors that he appeared as if he's a little chihuahua wagging his tail in front of his masters while doing cute puppy eyes movement. He said it was quite funny how different the "hijackal" acted in front of anyone he deemed superior. It's like he's a saint who would sacrifice everything just for them. Then when he speaks to him or someone "below his level" in the same room, his tone would change to that of a disrespectful monster who looks down on you from his pedestal that seems to reach the heavens and outerspace. The dissonance is quite cartoonish, as if you're watching a Looney Tunes cartoon where a mid level villain tries to appease his giant evil boss, then he has to act all scary and bully his underlings so that they would do a better job at catching the heroes.

Anyway, I just thought I'd share friend's story since your "hijackal" seems to fit exactly the description of his tormentor "Hitlerhole" haha!