The darkside of the INFJ

#infj #16personalities #mbti

Cult leaders, machiavellian manipulators... ok well usually not. But even the seeming incorruptible INFJs have their dark moments.

[NathanJGlass]

Let me know if I missed any important points in this video!

[LordOfTheWhores]

If you don't think INFJ are manipulative then we have succeeded.

[yellow_jacket]

I say we aren’t dark but we think of dark stuff

[gintongaparador]

From my experience, INFJs have a lot of patience and tolerance. I've always liked helping people and don't mind when people use me because we all use each other at one point. But what ticks me is when people dissapoint me. It's when people gave me promises only to break it in the end. It's when people whom I've trusted, lie to me. It's when they do things selfishly. When they make me feel like I don't matter. That my pain and suffering does not matter. It's what angers me. As childish as it sound, I like to make them regret their decisions. For making me feel less of a human. I'd like to inflict pain on them and let them know how I felt when they ignored me. I use their weaknesses against them until they are emotionally hurt. I don't always use violence, I use words a lot though. Painful and malicious words that can shake them. They end up surrendering, apologizing, and regretting what they've done. It's true that we can be very manipulative... but it didn't have to get to that point. Know your boundaries. We might seem easy to push around... but we know when enough is enough.

[heatherbryant]

Can we talk about INFJ drug-abuse, self-destructive behavior, and self-loathing? I hardly ever hear this discussed.

[neri]

"They put a lot of effort into resisisting the temptation to manipulate"
To be honest that's wrong way of saying it.
It's not hard, it's more like "Oh wait if i say this i would manipulate them, so let's not say this". And you either say nothing or you choose the right words that are neutral.
But then again being kind and polite is manipulation in itself - it influences how other people react. If you are nice to someone, they are very likely to be nice to you too.
.... Saying this now everything feels like manipulation.
So scratch all that, we don't resist, we just do it.

[wuzic]

As an INFJ myself, I do believe that we usually know our dark side very well. Whether we actually want to be in touch with it is probably individually. The weird thing is that this darkness within me can both scare me and be comforting. Endless sadness and grief puts me in a creative flow state. What scares me more is how I can understand and sympathize with people who do things considered to be evil. For example, most won't even consider sympathizing with a murderer, but I would feel sorry for him/her for feeling like there was no other way. Feelings come and go, and just because someone was being full of hatred in one moment, doesn't mean that's part of his or her nature. This kind of empathy can be quite damaging to an INFJ as there will never be a person who actually is too bad for us to care for and about.

[onlibertyjm]

I've always noticed that I have a powerful manipulation ability.

[Jaimelaffoon]

My husband is infj. He grew up in a verbally and mentally abusive home. He has completely door slammed his family, rightfully so.

[babblegoose]

I don’t think I’ve ever been able to unleash on someone. Usually if I’m upset I get a bit blindsided by a confusing swirl of emotion I can’t make sense of. Then, a few hours later (sometimes days), I figure things out, and imagine all the things I could’ve said if I’d been more aware of what I was experiencing and why.

So usually what happens is over the next few encounters with that person I’m chilly and aloof, instead of warm and friendly. It never really escalates or becomes confrontational because I can see down that road and I don’t really see where it’s going being productive. Not worth my time or emotional effort.

[vm]

Infjs are a bit like Tigers in a way, we try to blend in with our surroundings, but we always have a goal in mind and when we attack we go in for the jugular...well that's the kind of image i get whenever friends/family bring up this dark side of ours.

Truly one of the most annoying things about being an Infj is going to social gatherings, sitting at a table full of acquaintances or people just met and being absolutely so aware of them and their issues and feelings and all the social dynamics of everyone and then pretending to act like you dont know what's going on just so you can enjoy the moment, it takes alot of focusing in and zoning out control for us (younger Infjs probably just give off a weird awkward stare and nervousness trying to manage the s*** load of Ni-Fe information coming in), alcohol in my opinion even though it relaxes us a little tends to deepen this awareness. I think one of the biggest problems for us is flowing easily between our Ni-Ti (at home) and Fe-Se (outside) states. Maybe a part of our darkness is not regulating this properly or getting too stuck in one or the other.

[capricorn]

It is really hard to make me angry but if it happens, I can be aggressive. It's like I am calm, calm and suddenly out of nowhere I just blow up.

[erik_]

Don"t push us with our back against the wall. Let us back off. Because we already know your weak spot.

[jmz]

Oh, yes. I've felt it before. Even as a child, I've always been drawn to characters struggling with their inner-darkness -- Dark Phoenix, Raven from Teen Titans, Gaara from Naruto. It comes more to me when I feel the world makes me feel more like an outsider or detached, making my self-esteem hit an all time low. The boiling resentment comes into play. I'd just drown myself in playing video games, which made me feel better. I kept telling myself I didn't need anyone and tried to kill off my feelings. So, if left unchecked, that corruption could take over. Yes, with time and care, we could manipulate, but I never want to do that. Learning about my personality has helped me greatly and has opened so many doors -- understanding myself and others. I've been able to use the negativity and use it as art and create beautiful things.

[gregoryfankhauser]

As a INFJ-A I agree with most of your comments. When I start to feel dark though, I go solitary till I can cope.

[reesegetwellchannelgully]

You are right I was the resentful INFJ ..I never voiced my emotions and also got taken advantage of to a very toxic relationship . Thank you ..I get to understand myself better . I am also like a fake extrovert ...hahaha I’m so good at acting

[justinfalzon]

When I go dark; run. Don't look back.

[manager-nim]

As an infj myself, I love talking and learning more about the dark side of my type and what leads to it, it's strange because it's easy for us to accept it as a part of what makes us who we are

[Hamaielzoila]

I often say I could destroy someone with my words alone if I wanted to but choose not to because it's not in my nature.

[simplyme]

Speaking of the infj and smoldering resentment, how about the fact that many INFJs will spend years and years accommodating and loving their partner because their empathy allows them to get joy from helping and loving the other. Then, imagine the other person rarely trying to accommodate their infj partner as an act of love and the infj still quietly and calmly requests it. The infj does not demand it but, with a calm demeanor will explain to their mate what they need. After 10 years, there hasn't been a smoldering fire of resentment underneath but rather an honest picture of how much less their partner cares. Most of the time, there's not a huge blowout fight when the infj has hit that wall. But I will admit, the quiet, subtle and well placed words will shred and draw blood. And, then the infj will apologize and mean it. That's when their partner either leaves the infj because they cannot forgive or they finally get it and change. In my experience, it takes about 10 years of being the unnoticed giver and guider for other people's well-being and joy before the jar is empty and the requests were always ignored. Thank God that INFJs are such a small portion of society. It's a heavy burden to carry. Sometimes, I wish I was the unaware and uncaring and out for myself and my own fun type of person. But, then I remember I don't like those kind of people. Sincerely, Carly 💜