Blame-shifting vs gaslighting

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[NarcSurvivor]

Blame shifting is when they pass the blame on to you. Gaslighting is when they make you doubt your perception. Blame shifting can also be a form of gaslighting.

[sandrakon]

When I complained about him mistreating me, he goes "you keep painting me in negative light. I have a wife who has nothing good to say about me..." At the end of the conversation I find myself apologizing for not being positive enough and promising to do better🤦🏽‍♀️. After a while I feel like, "what the hell just happened?" How did I end up apologizing in his place? It is

[brainboosterrva]

The a-hole I gave myself to for over three decades got tired of gaslighting and making excuses and simply claimed, “That’s just the way men behave. Get used to the real world.” I waited until the children were old enough to understand then planned my exit. Thank God for legal help and protection.

[anettewaits]

…my husband always said “you did not tell me” - “I did not hear that” - “are you sure you told me” - “why you always have to freak out” - “you are always so negative” - “you are never happy” - “I can’t do anything right for you” - “people make mistakes” - “ it’s never enough with you”and such …Thank you Dr Ramani 💚

[thedelislestyle]

My stepdaughter - aged 16 - has been abused both mentally and physically by her mother whom we suspect is narcissistic (thanks to your educational videos, we can now predict her behaviors!). She gaslights her daughter and everyone else by saying her daughter is mentally ill (depression and anxiety due to the narcissist abuse), making the daughter feel like everything is her fault or delusions. The mother started mocking her daughter after she (the daughter) said she has a voice and she’s going to use it now. During a therapy session (her dad and I were on the session), her mom mocked/taunted her saying “I have a voice too and I’m not afraid to use it” in a way that was threatening. She then told the therapist she raised her daughter to be a strong person and to be able to handle things like that. Talk about gaslighting!! Therapist saw right through that bullshit! Now, my stepdaughter lives with us full time and wants nothing to do with her mother.

[rebeccawhit-hayes]

"I only manipulate people for their own good." -the current narc in my lifes exact words.

[NunYaO]

After a lifetime of coping with a Narcissist, I've learned that you either find pleasure in fruitless argumens or you LEAVE AND HAVE NO CONTACT! There is nothing but insanity in the chasm between those two options!

[barbarahardy]

My ex-husband was a habitual liar, among a lot of other things. Anyway, as time went on, I began to realize that people lie to alter your reality, to control you. Whether they realize it, or not, the ultimate goal is control. If someone controls your reality, they control you. Lies are told to alter your reality and never to protect anyone but the liar themselves.

[rubberbiscuit]

For expecting and requesting, then demanding, accountability for his abuse, I was told I was condescending, petty, irrational, overly sensitive, to let it go, etc. When this did not deter me from seeking accountability, the narcissist magically transformed into a victim and attributed his abuse of me to the abuse and neglect he suffered in his childhood. The man should have been wearing a sandwich board saying "I may look like an adult, but I am a massively insecure child." I pity his new supply, and I treasure my freedom.

[bringpeacetoall]

My narcissist said "I should've communicated more" when he would get caught. Then he shifted blame and said "I should've been communicating my needs more" when that's what I've been doing for the past 5 years 🤦🏽‍♀️

[anthonyramirez]

In some weird way, Blame-shifting is just like Baiting: see it for what it is and don’t take the bait. Once you take the bait, you’ve already lost in the Narcissist’s mind

[caeliamoonshadow]

Hold on to your own reality! Don't go to war with a narcissist unless you want to stay around for constant battles.

[ragacats]

My ex narc was so consistent with blame shifting I just lumped everything into “Dog Ate My Homework.” I knew I was dealing with an underdeveloped child and my respect for him eroded. I became too tired to object to his chronic B.S. so I observed him like a strange specimen in a zoo and put my energy into leaving.

[tinaturner]

Im 33, and my mother still tries to excuse bad behavior with "Well you walked right out of the house to the neighbors sandbox when you were 2 and I thought you were gone forever. You have no idea how much pain I was in!" .... when that couldn't bare less relevance to anything in decades, especially her bad behavior.

[aliceroberts]

Listening to Dr. Ramani makes my life sane every day Thank you for all of your time to give to help others .

[stephaniepowers]

I work as a child and family therapist. I had a client (10 years old) going over a sequence of events with a family member from idealizing, devaluing, and gaslighting. We drew it out on paper, and the kid goes, "That's BS squared!" Very insightful, kiddo!

[LewsTherin]

These were the two most common themes to my adventure. I was/am always the problem, and if I ever push back or stand my ground, I'm crazy and I'm the narc. I still am constantly called a dirty lying addict, even after being sober for 16 years. My past is ALWAYS used to shame me. The hardest part was how many people I thought were family and friends believe this and truly turned their backs on me based on false claims with absolutely no evidence. That hurt beyond measure.

Took years to recognize it for what it was. I'm ashamed that my children watched me back down and accept the blame, all in the name of trying to keep the peace and family together. In the end, I was discarded - although a full court press hoovering has been going on for a while now.

But, once your eyes and mind are open, there really is no going back

[mcfc]

This reminded me of the infamous argument about me using a pencil for the grocery list. Narcissists can really make you doubt anything as little as using a pencil instead of a pen.

[emiliapeneva]

Oh, and my favorite, "Grow the eff up. You are acting like a toddler." This is mind blowing!!!

[donnas.]

Several years ago when asked if he was cheating, he responded, "how could I, you feed me too well." Other comments through the years when I brought things up about his relationships with other women, "you're looking for a scapegoat", "you create drama", "you make things up", "I don't feel that you love me", "you have reflexive hostility", "you're stalking my phone", "you can't accept that I have female friends", and on and on. I ended this 35 year marriage charade three years ago. But it still hurts and difficult to shake the self blame for the demise of our marriage.