Why does my ex keep contacting me

Why does my ex keep contacting me? This is a question that comes up often with people just separating from a toxic narcissistic ex. This video discusses the reasons why they keep contacting you and what you can do about it to help get your life back!

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⚠️DISCLAIMER - I am not a therapist, licensed counselor, or attorney. My thoughts are my own opinions from my personal experience. You should consult a professional when you are changing your treatment or making legal decisions. This channel and companion website are for informational purposes only.

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[WindmillChef]

In my opinion ex's continue to contact us for the following reasons
1) As the video states, gaining attention from males, any males and the more the better. Women get a boost from male attention.
2) Emotional weakness, after the break-up they do have feeling of missing you and the act on them
3) Because they deem that they can gain something from maintaining contact
4) To forge a social appearance that the break-up was/is amicable, to show the world that all of their relationships are positive ones
5) To not burn bridges, be able to come back to you in case the new guy isn't good
6) Because WE men leave that rope there, we leave those door openings for them to enter through

In the break-up conversation it will be the female who suggests,
"but we can still be friends, right..."
Controlling social relationship is the domain of the female, in part their status and 'power' are defined by their abilities socially
Breaking up is a time to forge ourselves into strength, discipline our actions and move forward as quickly as possible. It is hard and we do have to deal with broken heart pain. Our old relationship lingering on is not healthy for progress.
If we have children we must maintain some amicable relationship for the benefit of the children. If there's business like dividing assets, do this as quickly and as business like as possible. The proper reply to: "but we'll still be friends, right?" is to say that we have proven to not be great together, you don't really see the point in maintaining a friendship that doesn't work well and that you think it's best if both go our own SEPERATE paths. Don't reply at all to the first text, call or e-mail, create that clearity from the start.

[andelg]

They seem at first strong and smart, but after a while you realize how limited they are.

[zenkaipower]

When he said “how low is your self esteem that you allow them to disrespect you.” I took that personally. 😑

[aishah]

No contact is really the key to healing. That means blocking them on social media, their number, deleting photos. Any possible connection has to be broken in order to move forward or you will keep falling back. Trust your gut and trust this process. Things will get better!

[AngelKrystalStar]

In their mind you are always a part of them. I have Narcs from childhood that still pop up sometimes. Social Media makes it super easy also.

[capricris]

Ignore, ignore, ignore. Totally, they want you to stay stuck if you let em. Detach wholly for your peace of mind.

[robertgrant]

I've been with the channel for a while, almost a year-and-a-half. I was married to my wife for almost nine years. I was a law enforcement officer and had a major stroke on duty in my patrol car almost 6 years into the marriage. I was completely paralyzed. Could not walk could not talk and bedridden. I had four additional Strokes which made it even worse over a 3 month time span After my first. Things started to change, she started coming home late at night, started catching her in lies and she was having Affairs on me and there was nothing I could do about it. My life was a living hell! It all fell apart when she walked into the bedroom on Valentine's Day of 2018 told me she had found someone else and was leaving me. I was devastated. I went through months of using a walker then graduated to a cane and then was slowly learning to walk again without any assistance. I am starting to get better day by day thanks to my heavenly father who looked out for me. While all this was going on I had three dogs that I had to take care of, it was so very hard but I loved them and they loved me and helped me through this. Exactly a year to the day she left on Valentine's day 2019, I laid my mother to rest. I felt like I was cursed it was very traumatic for me. She never even called to see how I was doing, if I was still alive or not or anyting. I have been healing and looking out for myself the best I can. Just last week, she showed up unannounced at my home and said she had left some family photos here and wanted to search for them. I told her no but I would look for her. She has been calling me and texting me ever since that day, and today happens to be my birthday I am 54. After all of this she has told me she made a mistake and wants to come back even though she left me when I needed her the most, and has dated and slept with other men. I cannot allow myself to ever let this person back into my life after everything that was done to me. I love this channel and I want to say thank you so very much for all the help and encouragement you have given me. I don't know if I would have made it through all of this without you. Thank you, and may God bless you.

[checoschmidt]

Sometimes they keep communication because they feed on your downfall, your failures, so they want to know and make sure you are not doing well. But if they find out you are doing better than them, they hurt. I know I saw this with my pos ex. I loved the expression on her face when she found out I remarried and saw me happy. It may sound terrible but hey, she has enjoyed so much how my kids mistreat me and even laughs, so now its my turn, my turn to be happy, not to hurt her but to heal me, im thinking of me and about me now.

[meimeisze]

You could read my mind. My Ex sent me many email messages in one day. I moved to the trash bin. Didn't read

[kayits]

I dated my ex girlfriend for almost four years. I did loved her, but she ended it with no meaningful reasons. I moved on, or so I think. Until I saw her calls. Then the confusion, it almost cost me my new relationship until I searched for "the topic" and found this video. Thanks a lot.

[Shasha]

It is not really love, but attachment. It may take 18+ years to stop thinking about them, but it was not a workable relationship.

[OfficialFloydboy]

A+ on presentation and advice. It’s like ASMR and Therapy at the same time 😉

[Gushx]

I think the best solution is no contact. Focusing on oneself as much as possible. With every week it gets little easier. Until something else/someone else gets your attention. My narcissistic ex still try to get my attention just now he seems pathetic. From godlike status now I look at him and shake my head at his tricks.

[daryl]

You summed it up. They contact to see if they can get you to lose Just a little bit more self respect. To anyone here who is new. Just communicate when necessary about kids. Don't take any bait to engage in anything unrelated to the kids. Let go of trying to speak your piece. They will twist anything you say so don't waste oxygen. Respect and love yourself enough to not let someone mistreat you. Talking to them and taking them back will only enforce the idea that you will put up with anything.

[mickehog]

It's like a narcissist have a 6th sense. "Oh no my ex is healing without me. I need to contact him/her."

After 9 months I still waiting for a closure haha. No I don't care anymore. I just wants to be alone.

My didn't contact me(not yet), but met her several times. Sometimes she totally ignore me, sometimes she is flirting. She is engaged now, so don't understand why still flirting with me.

I think a narcissist ex is contacting you to keep you as a backup. Just in case.

And a narcissist ex wants to be friends with you. So they can keep you in the toybox.

It's not easy be friends with a normal ex. Maybe you have feelings for your ex. Maybe your ex is seeing someone new. Sure if both you moved on, be friends but not when one of you have feelings.

But if your ex is a narcissistic person, don't be friends, never! Because they just wants to keep you as a backup/option.

Never be an option for someone. You wants to be a priority. You deserve to be loved for who you are. You deserve to be someones number 1. It's not up to you to fill a hole inside your narcissist ex. You deserve to be respected and be loved.

So if your narcissist ex contacting you, don't answer. If you have children together, just talking about them.

If you see your ex outside, don't speak. Look away. Pretent you don't know this person. It's not easy. I struggle with this myself.

Life is short.

[SusieN]

Mine wanted to be friends and I agreed....wrong on my part. He continued his lies and manipulations and everything is on his terms. I finally jetted and told him peace out I wish you the best, I'm done w this. I've been no contact for two weeks...I'm doing great! Peaceful and now he has become someone elses problem. Good luck to them all!

[MrPetertad]

I know what you been through, I see it in your eyes.

[AngelKrystalStar]

🤣 during my divorce I had a whole big fight about a can opener! 🤯 now I understand this is a common thing. 🤦‍♀️

[jozefinmovssesian]

Restraining order...and finally working on having permanent restraining order....he didn't give me no other choice....God bless u all specially those who are dealing with lunatics

[tysonpadilla]

I am also stuck in this heartbreaking cycle right now. She reaches back out and then goes away again. When I confront her she gets defensive, and harsh with her text messages. The fantasy, the illusion of being together again is unbearable. Seven months later I still have sleepless nights stuck in a foreign town Close to her where I have no family or friends. It’s very scary at times thinking this person is gone forever but yet so close. She refuses to see me, we were together 4 years we were engaged I’m in my 30s and this has left me reeling completely. I don’t want to move on but I don’t want to feel any more pain either. Today I took the day off work to grieve and force myself to come up with a new plan. How painful this is. Relationships can be the best and the worst thing in the entire world. I am not perfect and I made mistakes I regret, but I don’t believe I deserve to suffer as long as I have now. I feel for all of you. May God bless us on this arduous journey of ours. Wherever it leads And thank you for your videos you really touched on some key points