Do you ever feel remorse? Ask a Psychopath

We all know someone with psychopathy.

But few know the truth about it. We’re helping change that… by helping you know the signs. Know about treatment options and resources. And know you’re not alone.

James Fallon is a professor of neuroscience at University of California at Irvine, and the author of the book The Psychopath Inside. He considers himself a "prosocial psychopath."

He joins us today on zoom to discuss what it is like to be psychopathic.

[eglelt]

I believe he's the dude that was doing a research on psychopaths and found out that he was one himself.

[Punicia]

Psychopath doesn’t mean violent. It means blunted emotional responses and pathological egocentricity which puts one at a greater risk for violence.

[averynb]

It helps to hear that he doesn’t intend to or enjoy hurting people though

[smirkinatu]

Thank you for recording and posting these valuable educational videos.

[MENTALBALANCETV]

The positive response is overwhelming. We couldn't do it without you all. Thank you!

[OceanHedgehog]

What he's saying here is very important because it shows that while psychopaths don't feel empathy (and everything is seen from their perspective only in their minds), it does not inherently make them "bad" people because not all psychopaths want to hurt other people. This seems obvious but there's a stigma that psychopath=serial killer, but the fact is that there's millions of psychopaths and only a small handful of serial killers.

[overkillblackjack]

There is always a REASON why you hurt someone or why someone is hurt by your behavior, BUT THAT DOES NOT EXCUSE IT. If someone is hurt, they are hurt. It's not about you. If you have psychopathy, fake it 'till you make it. When you see tears or someome makes themselves even more vulnerable by having the courage to tell you that you hurt her/him, APOLOGIZE. Don't wait until you feel remorse. Act, dont think (Actions, not Thougnts or rationalizing) your way into a new way of living. If I purposefully kick someone in the toe, I owe them an apology. If I walk by someone and accidentally stub their toe, I owe them an apology EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT THEM. Period. The world largely judges us by our actions, not our intentions. I may intend or mean to show up for work, but unless I show up on the job site, I will not receive any pay...If you follow these guidelines, your life will improve in the long run, but it will take work (practice) and it will not be easy, largely (at least initially) because you won't want to do it and/or will incorrectly tell yourself you cannot. Remember, fake it 'till you make it. Act 'as if;' envision the most compassionate, loving, understanding person in the world, and, after the next time you, for instance, stub someone's toe for any reason, DO (don't think about it) what you picture that loving person would do.

[aspdid]

This is an interesting project, as someone with ASPD please keep doing this

[pablooso]

I do not feel remorse for anything. I just consider it another day at the office and move on. Have I made some bad decisions...of course but remorse does not fix the problem. I put that energy into something positive like trying to correct the problem. That does not make me a psychopath, it makes me a secure and responsible person. I've been seeing a psycotherapist for years and we've had this discussion. He agrees with me now that he understands how I deal with it in life. It's the mature and safe way to get a positive outcome.

[leannezezeski-sass]

This is something I just learned recently and I’m not a psychopath but I used to feel offended if people were hurt by something I did, as long as I didn’t mean to hurt them. Like I thought as long as I had good intentions, everything was fine but it’s not really the intentions that matter, it’s your actions

[varunv]

Thanks for clearing this up. I thought I have Psychopathy. I feel remorse for treating my brother badly.

[inhabitantofearth]

I get it. He doesn't feel remorse because his brain isn't wired to process other people's pain/sadness as something HE caused. It, by default, justifies his intentions....? It kind of makes sense because people can only make you feel how you allow them to. It seems psychopaths have a level of self-assurance/authenticity that most people struggle to reach because they care too much about what other people think 🤔

[melodiefrances]

One thing I'm noticing about both of them is that they don't seem to take stuff in. It's like their communication is one way. They put energy out, but they don't take anything in.

Like conversations would always be one sided.

I guess if you don't care, you wouldn't take much in. What would be the point?

[mmissjulia]

this is such a sad neurodevelopmental disorder. no one deserves to be psychopathic, its not their fault. hopefully we can develop more effecrive treatments in the future. empathy is necessary for healthy mental wellbeing. thank you for sharing these videos!

[real_hello_kitty]

He is unable to take blame, because he wants to avoid consequences.

[NONEAPPLICABLETONONSENSE]

They most definitely scare me I stay away from anything uncomfortable theses days.

[yolandaponkers]

I have a sincere question for people with psychopathy who have long term relationships, like this gentleman who’s been married for decades. Do you feel anything akin to sadness or grief when your partner passes? I mean no disrespect. I am genuinely curious.

[josh-kfrd]

in other words, his ego doesn't allow his to accept blame. even the hypothetical example he gave has a built-in excuse. the answer to the question would be a simple "no, my psyche isn't capable of empathy, " but he explained it as if he's never truly wronged a person and therefore shouldn't feel remorse.

[Funny_cATs-uw]

I have been a close friend to a psychopath but she was very sad when her grandmother passed away.

[LeoMumford]

He's a good person. He's just got a brain that doesn't use empathy it uses reasoning. He still reasons to be good because it's what he wants to be. He's about as dangerous as a pet lion. If he likes you and it's not in his interest to hurt you you'll be fine. By interest I mean he may value a stress free life and killing someone would add a lot of obligations he might not want to go through, like going to court etc and it would sully his name and image is what he cares a lot about. He wants to be nice and cares about people's perception of him because it directly reflects on his image and social value.