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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[doristorresphd]

You’re damned if you do, and you’re even more damned if you don’t.

[Siacourage]

The guilt you feel comes from a false sense of responsibility. You are not responsible for how poorly their life turns out when you leave. That's on them. They are grown adults! They are responsible for their own choices!

[mschlund]

The bad thing about being an empath...you feel sorry for assholes too

[genevalawrence]

"Blaming victims is a way of life in this culture." This, 1000 times this. I was blamed for staying. I was blamed for leaving. I was told that I was bringing shame on my family by divorcing. I was told that if I didn't leave, I was complicit in my abuse. I was told that my children would be harmed if I stayed. I was told that my children would be harmed if I left.

I decided that all those other voices weren't as important as saving myself, and while I couldn't stop my kids from suffering the damage that had already happened, I could at least try to get us all to safety.

You can't "win" a narcissistic relationship. You can only survive one, or not.

I chose survival, and damn the opinions of those who believe I should feel guilty for that. I'm done with listening to them.

[colette]

Dra Ramani - I have endured horrific behavior for 62 years by my father. My mother died in 2015, I got Cancer in 2016, had treatment for cancer until 2018, and my father remarried in 2019. It does not matter whether you stay and do your best to keep the family together.. there will come a time where you are too sick, tired and can no longer walk on egg shells and take the constant unending abuse. JUST KNOW, the second you finally stop having holiday dinners with your father's best NEW family, is the day you get disowned regardless how much you have done your whole life walking on egg shells etc... IF I could turn back time 40 years, I would say to myself...Pack up and move away from my awful, hurtful family. I couldnt do it because I would have felt awful and guilty and so bad about myself. But guess what... I stayed and I am disowned and I feel awful, guilty and so bad about myself. So incredibly ironic.

[dadsocksss]

you always seem to put out a new video with a topic that directly applies to a situation I’m currently going through, thank you for all your hard work!

[jbiddle]

My mom didn't leave. She died at 49 of a sudden deadly brain tumor that came out of nowhere. I was only 23, my brother 18. My narc dad didn't care. He treated her like crap because she couldn't do stuff for him anymore and I had to step in as the son and take care of her sudden eol plans. Now I'm 30 and had to cut my dad out of my life, against my mother's wishes, because his abuse became just too much, and I have to contemplate on what went on in their marriage with my therapist, because mom is dead and dad thinks he's perfect. Don't do that to your kids future. I know it was not my mom's intention

[charlie-kmet]

Everyday I don’t see my kids because she lied to the courts I feel guilty. Everyday I don’t see my old friends because she ruined my reputation I feel shame. Every month I write a check that takes from me I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. Every time I show up to court I have to face lies and gaslighting with zero emotion otherwise the finger is pointed at me. I can only show remorse for all the things she says about me to the judge which makes it even worse because I can’t tell the truth.

But most of all I feel regret for not listening to myself all those years ago when the red flags were telling me not to marry her. And then later when she was treating me like crap to divorce her. And I didn’t. She took my kids. Our marriage. I lost my home. I lost my family and friend support system because of her. The experience was horrible. The trauma is still catching up to me. Trying to explain it to people just makes it worse and not being able to explain it to people also sucks.

It’s the worst form of abuse. Feeling unheard and alone.

[ricardajames]

Absolutely NOT! I feel liberated. I was the scapegoat all of my life, but now, at 58 years old, NO MORE! I don't care anymore. I'm moving on and caring for myself. My prayers and blessings to everyone on this channel. I pray that everyone finds their spiritual healing journey 🙏 ❤

[janicemontecalvo]

No, I feel bad for not leaving sooner. My mother, brother, ex boyfriends...ugh. No more a narc 🧲 magnet

[stephaniecsp]

Oh, he definitely did his damndest to convince us both I was the bad one for leaving.

Many times, I tried to get away, convinced I could not endure another minute of the hell I was living.

But that's when he'd switch gears, lay the guilt on me for, "giving up and abandoning him like everybody else did." And I was such a sucker, to keep falling for it.

Because how can you turn your back on someone you love, when they're broken, crying, and clearly needing help? When they have you convinced that they will self-destruct without you?

Frankly, I lost count of how many times I tried to get away; had to have made it into triple digits.

Until I finally built up a tolerance to the same thing happening every time, eventually realizing it was all for show, to have the desired effect.

THAT'S when I finally got free.

And now I hear, that's his "proof" I was the problematic one, with a personality disorder. Because I, "abandoned" him when he, "needed" me the most, so I clearly have zero empathy and am not capable of kindness.

Part of breaking free, was learning to be okay with being the bad guy, in someone else's fictional narrative.

[jessicafurlong]

After both children left for college and I became disabled (worked 30yrs with MS) the emotional abuse from my narcissistic spouse became unbearable. I was so depressed that I started feeling suicidal. On my 60th birthday I signed a lease in another state, sold my home, donated all my worldly possessions and left my marriage of 34 years. This was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I eventually had to go no contact because he continued to gaslight me and blamed me for breaking up our family. I thank you for your important work and for giving me the strength to finally leave. It’s been a year of healing and unfortunately I was just diagnosed with cancer which I will happily fight alone because I will never fall victim to narcissistic abuse again. TY Dr. Ramani you’ve changed my life! ❤

[nikkinorton]

Here is another reality....when you stay to spare your children, you are showing the kid it is ok to treat you the way the narcissist treats you.

Kids learn how to manipulate.
They learn how to gaslight.
They learn controlling behaviors.

If you think your spouse hurts you ....wait until your kids do it.

Domestic offenders will turn the kids against you. I have seen it a lot. There is one video of a man who had one of their kids video taping his abuse of his wife. He encouraged kids to hit her....on video tape.

The police found the tape. The kids got deprogramming....Thank God. But it happens frequently. Abuse often escalates.

[JezabelPestilentia]

I'm sitting here watching this video after having left my husband of 8yrs TWO DAYS AGO. He really does have CPTSD, he really does need a support system. But he's also a narcissistic abuser and for 8yrs I have slowly lost who I am. Being bent, twisted and shaped into somebody I no longer recognize just to be that support for him. My now adult child cut contact, our baby died, I lost all my teeth from health issues pertaining to that baby, I have gained 70lbs, am no longer confident and independent and just so so much more. No more feeling guilty for breaking free.

No more. Thank you for these videos. You cannot know how much help you have been over this last year of trying to get out.

[AlphaDeltaBravo-tj]

It’s so hard to leave! In the end, was the only thing I could do. Just keep moving! The biggest regret I have is I should have loved myself more and left sooner! The pain gets less, life gets good again! It’s Beautiful and tragic. Life goes on..

[hogan]

I have cut a narcissistic sister out of my life and am very clear that it was the right thing for me to do. Still, there is guilt and shame from within and from my other family members. I work very hard to manage it all. It is difficult tedious work however I would absolutely rather work at that than the toxic destructive relationship I previously had with my sister.

[Makingmovesfromhome]

Your videos save me everyday- I cannot thank you enough

[AngelaBeers]

my daughter was 12 when we left
we barely took anything
and we were sitting on the floor in our empty one bedroom apartmemt
eating a frozen pizza
and she said
"Mom, why didn't you leave sooner?"
and
I never cried once over him since the moment I left
I felt so free
it has been 10 years now

[hollyblumenthal]

My son was 12 when I took him and left my narcissistic ex. Leaving was the greatest gift I could ever give him. I went no contact. And all three of my kids chose to go no contact with their father. Leaving can be a very positive change for kids.

[PaigeSquared]

That's how my ex made it seem, like my leaving was on a total whim without cause. He was in total shock, even though I had moved my bedroom over a year prior and had been begging and pleading with him. That I might leave wasn't an option in his mind, he really thought he could behave any way he wanted to and he would not have consequences. I told him over and over; he took it as criticism, and brushed it off, and forgot about it. My voice was brushed off. When we had had such closeness before.

He started behaving like an entitled brat; trashing the house, not paying for his own food nor any household bills, laying in bed after work instead of taking some time with the kid. The workload change was like I took on two toddlers and lost my adult partner, while I was still trying to work full time.

The first time i mentioned divorce, i was already 100% done, i felt like i tried everything and he clearly didn't want a relationship. He stacked the dishwasher that one time. And that was it, that was his effort to convince me he wanted to stay married. He didnt stack the dishwasher again the next day, it wasn't a new chore he had chosen to pick up. He really thought that single action would shut me up or somehow stop me, even though i told him what i needed over and over and at no time did I mention the dishwasher. Delusional.

I dont know why so many men deny that all women want is kindness. They make it seem like women want something out of reach. We don't have impossible standards, i have been told that all woman require rich tall model genius manly men with full beards; and to check that my expectations are within reason.🙄
*Show me a guy that can actually hear me and respect me and consistently be kind, and I will show you a real man.*

My ex said he felt insecure and criticized. He only had to be open to hear me, to believe me. I had worked so hard to set him up for success. He chose to not succeed.