How to trust yourself after narcissistic abuse - 3 Tips

How to trust yourself after narcissistic abuse - 3 Tips

In this video we cover: NPD, narcissist, cluster b, malignant, covert, fleas, fawn, abandonment, toxic parents, parenting, gaslighting, gaslight, child development, triggers, tools, therapy tools, conflict, self-regulation, toxic, toxic family systems, boundaries, truth, childhood trauma, inner child, inner child work, c-ptsd, ptsd, narcissistic abuse, healing, abusive parents, emotional abuse, childhood ptsd, repressed memories, hypervigilance, narcissistic parents, emotionally abusive parents, child abuse, narcissistic father, childhood emotional neglect, abuse, narcissistic mother, alcoholism, scapegoat, genogram, siblings, dissociation, trauma, scapegoat

SAMPLE LETTER FOR ABUSIVE PARENT ACCOUNTABILITY

Chapters:
0:00 Intro
1:04 Connect With Me
4:10 How Abuse Contributes
4:22 How Abuse Contributes: #1 Unseen/Without Validation
4:45 How Abuse Contributes: #2 Shamed For the Truth
5:10 How Abuse Contributes: #3 Abusers Not Held Accountable
5:27 How to Heal
5:41 How to Heal: #1 Have a Safe Person
8:42 How to Heal: #2 Do a Vulnerability Inventory
9:53 How to Heal: #2 Do a Vulnerability Inventory - 12 Step Inventory
12:54 How to Heal: #2 Do a Vulnerability Inventory - Narcissist - Resentment Inventory
18:44 How to Heal: #3 Work on How You Were Set Up
21:38 How to Heal: #3 Work on How You Were Set Up - Write a Letter
23:41 Final Thoughts
24:49 Outro

Learn more about Patrick Teahan,
Childhood Trauma Resources and Offerings

MUSIC IS BY - Chris Haugen - Ibiza Dream

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⚠️ Disclaimer

My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client or physician or quasi-physician relationship.

If you are, or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.

If you are having emotional distress, please utilize 911 or the National Suicide Hotline
1-800-273-8255

[smoozerish]

Patrick, you are providing an invaluable service to childhood trauma survivors. Thank you.

[richellelemon]

I've just understood, literally upon waking this morning, that all the toxic relationships i've had helped me accept that my childhood was, for real, toxic and abusive right to the core. I am grateful ♡ (still hurts sooo bad, but grateful for the truth)

[gsimonin]

I get this. My mom would tell me that I was the cause of all her problems and unhappiness. At age 18, I dedicated one year to not arguing w her, following her instructions to the letter, etc. At the end of that year I stepped back to see how she was doing. The same. In this I realized there was nothing I could do to make her happy, and that reality set me free.

[CodeGrayHere]

As an old lady who is just starting to understand why I am the way I am, often thanks to your informative videos, I am so impressed that a younger person like yourself is able to have the kind of insight and wisdom that you have.

[PhoenixRising-]

I was blamed for choosing a toxic partner and my mom said I don't love myself which felt hurtful. Mom thinks I choose friends over family. Growing up my dad was made out as the bad guy. Now as an adult I see my mother has a very toxic side too she is a codependent

[houseplantnerd]

Waking up. That's how this all feels. As a child I knew my mom didn't care for me. Always at odds with who I was, even some of my earliest memories were of her frustrated with me. I wasn't allowed to be.
Now that I understand myself and my childhood, I am finding narcissism everywhere and I can't tell if it's really narcissism or if I'm just being over vigilant.
I've been estranged from my family of origin for nearly 7 years now with zero intent on returning.
I've been married almost 30 years. My in-laws all have substance abuse issues, alcoholism mainly. I don't drink, as alcoholism has gone back at least 4 generations in my own family.
None of my inlaws have ever taken any interest in getting to know me or my kids.
What's real and what's paranoia about being in other abusive relationships? I'd rather be entirely alone than continue to be abused by anyone.
It seems like almost, everywhere I turn, the people around me are very self centered, liars, manipulative, neglected their own kids for substance abuse.
Red flags! Red flags everywhere I turn.
I just started therapy. I hoping for clarity as therapy goes on. Right now, I'm confused, lost and alone, again.

[saramichael]

Yes please tell us the secret of being okay with ourselves when we feel disapproval for others, whether imagined or real. How to honour our choices, preferences and the way we do life.

[Norton]

About 2 years ago I started waking up to how suffocating the codependent shit I grew up with had been, and I started dropping all of the chaotic, dramatic people in my life, and setting really firm boundaries with the people I wanted to keep who engaged in stressful, unproductive behaviors. I started taking better care of myself and emotionally regulating like I was training for the Olympics. It was so hard! I was so lonely! I broke my addiction to stress and excitement. It finally feels like things are clicking, and that's motivation to continue growing. Peace is real!

[MoonstarGem]

The main relationship my parents set me up to fail with was work. It's a weird paradox, because they (at least one of them) always told me to never tolerate a partner who manipulated or physically abused me, or to completely give my entire being to them. On the flip side though, they pretty much taught me to not only accept, but to embrace that same kind of treatment from jobs/bosses! My boss was one who signed my paychecks, so I had to do everything for them, no matter what. If I was stressed, hurt, or sick, it didn't matter, work came before all else. The implied "you can't get anything better" was always there. I still struggle with this to this day.

[focusdopis]

Your videos are literally saving my life. I just started Al-Anon yesterday and I can feel myself healing from the work I've been doing with my trauma therapist over the last couple of months. I couldn't have gone to that therapist if I hadn't started with you. Thank you so much. ❤️ I noticed sometimes you end your videos where you say that you hope it made sense... But I can assure you that for trauma survivors it always makes sense

[victoriasage]

“Not being in your body enough to realize the full impact … being in a relationship with someone like that has on you”

[Kirsten]

We don't wake up one day from our single life and say "I'm going to start dating a total disaster". Total gold, Patrick. LOL

[christinak]

I just realized a big reason I have a hard time with compulsive lying is because my mother would tell me to make up stuff and lie about what's going on at home. I went to school everyday looking and feeling horrible, people would ask if things were OK at home but I had to keep the peace and keep quiet.

[toughenupfluffy]

Mention of the 'Blame Game' reminds me of what my counselor told me to do: change the names. So, instead of "Well if it hadn't been for Dad's narcissism and Mom's codependency I would've had a good life, " to "Well if it hadn't been for Leonardo Da Vinci's narcissism and Mona Lisa's codependency..." This will snap you out of the pattern, as well as elicit a laugh response if you are creative about it (Examples: "If it weren't for Attila the Hun and Little Debbie..." or "If Johnny Rotten and Sissy Spacek hadn't..." etc. I've made myself laugh out loud doing this—it can be great fun!), so that your energy is no longer going towards people that shouldn't have influence over you (if you've gotten out of the relationship. My parents are both deceased, so I'm no longer interacting with them). Also, this makes you realize that blaming is really just an empty exercise that produces nothing but added resentment. Your energies are better spent elsewhere.

[blimeyhermione]

My first thought watching this was, where was this 10 years ago when I left my abusive ex. 😂 Now I see why I gravitated towards him. Emotional neglect lead to attaching myself to the first guy who gave me that kind of attention. But at the time I thought he was perfect. Ooof that didn’t last long. I’ve done a lot of work since then. Still appreciated your content. Thank you 🙏🏻

[animefigurejunkie]

Patrick always misses the location of the link at the beginning of all his videos. I’m beginning to find it hilariously endearing. Because, he otherwise smashes these videos, 10/10 times. I have never in my life seen someone possess better insight into these issues, and maybe even more important, I have never seen anyone communicate that insight this effectively.

You have kept me breathing on some bad days. Thank you. ❤

[leeboriack]

This video is a gold mine for
de-tangling our family system’s crazy
trap. It is like 2 years worth of therapy in 23 minutes. Wow!

[audioawesome]

When you asked what would my parents say? That rocked me. My mother told me to go and appologise to my abuser.

[suecapri]

Thank YOU, Patrick for doing your own healing so you can help so many of us with ours. I’m 46 and I’ve been working with a wonderful therapist on inner child work. I recently had an awakening and realized my stepmom of 30 plus years is a sociopath and my dad is codependent. All the unraveling of realizing my HSP traits is directly related to the traumatic filled childhood has been painful but also feeling the release. Working with an energy healer also to help move out trapped emotions/ trauma. It’s a process and it takes time and being gentle on ourselves. I’m crying reading everyone else’s comments. I’m sending love and healing prayers to everyone going through recovery ❤

[emilinebee]

My mother has some symptoms that are Borderline-like and I continually get involved with people with Borderline Personality Disorder (diagnosed or strongly suspected) and they seem to swing from empathy to narcissism which is confusing.