Personal Boundaries vs. Oneness (How to Develop Healthy Boundaries) - Teal Swan

The biggest issue isn't that other people violate our boundaries, it's that we violate our own boundaries. By letting someone violate our boundaries, we violate our own boundaries. This is self-betrayal. Your boundaries are defined by your feelings. Your feelings will always tell you whether a boundary of yours has been violated, no matter what kind of boundary it is. In this episode, Teal explains how boundaries are not a contradiction to oneness and teaches us how to develop healthy boundaries.

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Teal Swan is a personal transformation revolutionary. She was born with a range of extrasensory abilities and is a survivor of severe childhood abuse. Today she uses her gifts as well as her own harrowing life experience to inspire millions of people towards authenticity, freedom and joy and teaching people how to transform their emotional, mental, physical and spiritual pain.

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[jeannined]

It's worth mentioning that no matter how strong the intention to set boundaries, if there are trauma bonds in your early experience especially, you simply may cave in from the fear reaction. Setting boundaries following trauma often requires a serious commitment to reparenting oneself and having a ton of support.

[awynsberghe]

Oh my god... I've only now realized that this is a key issue in my life. No wonder I am depressed after letting everyone silence and belittle me, after acknowledging other people's truths, opinions, and ideas 24/7 while never recognizing the validity of my own, after allowing myself to be criticized and judged by others for years, after letting my parents dominate over me with their thoughts and their ideas of who I should be. I feel very sad for myself and the little girl who was silenced so much that she chose to keep everything to herself and instead please others to survive. I am so sorry. No wonder I write and draw so much. I've turned inwards and have been desperately seeking understanding and guidance all my life. Only to realize I am the one who can do that. And I have the right to that. I deserve that. Thank you.

[lizxu]

I'VE SAID IT A MILLION TIMES I'LL SAY IT AGAIN: THEY NEED TO TEACH THIS STUFF IN SCHOOL AND UNIVERSITIES

[strohberg]

I spent 3 years in therapy when I could been watching this instead.

[gamze]

"the more in aligment you are with your personal truth, and the more honor your feelings, the happier you will be."

[vanshikabansal]

wasted my thousands of bucks on therapy where they literally spit out jargon and here is this magical woman "Teal swan" who is uplifting my life one video at a time. I would love to offer donations for your wonderful work and also I don't have words to express my gratitude to you.

[rebecam.]

You are one of the few soul treasure chests on YouTube. So incredibly insightful, thank you so so much for making these videos

[kakautubehome]

How did she know all these stuffs? Why haven't we learn this in school?

[nhourihan]

I feel anger when people try to manipulate my feelings.

[Asura-jo]

SUMMARY - Personal Boundaries vs. Oneness (How to Develop Healthy Boundaries) - Teal Swan

Boundaries are guidelines for how
someone relates the self to the rest of the world.
They're rules of conduct built out
of a mix of beliefs, opinions,
attitudes, past experiences and social learning.

boundaries define a individual by defining likes and dislikes, what is for them personally wrong an what is right

defining those things helps us to know how we let ourselves be treated from others

sings for unhealthy boundaries:
Saying no when you mean
yes or yes when you
mean no, feeling guilty
when you do say no, acting against
your integrity or values in
order to please others, not speaking
up when you have something to say,
adopting another persons
ideas so you are
accepted, not calling out
someone who has mistreated you, accepting
physical touch or sex
when you don't want it, allowing
yourself to be interrupted or dissistracted to accommodate
someone else or with their
immediate wants or needs, giving
too much just to be perceived as useful.
Becoming overly involved in someone's
problems or difficulties not defining and
communicating your emotional needs in relationships, .

Its important to understand that not others violate your boundaries but you violate them by yourself by allowing them to violoate your boundaries
you dont stay true to what feels good to you, this is self betrayal
by going against your own boundaries you violate yourself

defining boundaries is completacted if you define them to cerebral concepts of right or wrong or according to what other people think are or arent healthy

Your boundaries are defined and are no different than your feelings

your feelings tell you if your bouandaries have been violated

as you are listening to your emotions,
you know exactly where your boundaries
are

so it is very crucial to be in touch with how you feel all day every day

So we can think of a
boundary as a line that uniquely
defines, and separates your personal
happiness, your personal integrity,
your personal desires your personal
needs and therefore most
importantly your personal truth
from the rest of the Universe.

If you dont listen to and respect how you feel you violate your own boundaries
if you dont listen to and dont respect what other people feel violate other peoples boundaries

practice feeling how you feel, listen to your emotions which define your boundaries
to stay in alignment with your own truth

Important: personal truth which is what boundaries are can only be told to you by you
your parents, friends, society cant tell you what your boundaries are only you can know your boundaries

it is
crucial that we not only
know who we are and
what we really want, but also
that we know that we're known
for we are and what we
really want by others

if you are ashamed of who you are and what you want you have poor boundaries

As children you were ashamed of what you want and who you are
to fit into the family and into society
you had to develop an identity that was acceptable for people around you, a false self

you became the person you thought you were supposed to be and shame the person you relly are

if you fear other people thinking negatively of you, you know that you have set up a false self
Do you know what you really wnat?
Do you say yes when you really
want to say no or say no when you really want to say yes?
Are you afraid to let people know how you really feel?
Are you afraid of people thinking negatively of you?

You can also violate boundaries by withdrawing, going away from someone

if you had invalidating parents it was difficullt for you to set healthy boundaries

if you were invalidated for certain emotions you developed a false self suppressing emotions and not expressing your own truth

people have difficultis to develop healthy boundaries because:

1. you put other peoples needs and feelings first
2. we don't know ourselves,
3. we don't feel as if we have rights,
4. we believe that setting boundaries breaks
the relationship
5. we never learn to have healthy boundaries.

Most people were told as children that they dont feel how they feel or it is not ok to feel how they felt
you were told that what you wanted is not what you really wanted or that it is not okay,
what you see is not what you see

your own personal truth was invalidated again and again so you did not stick with your truth and you went against yourself, denying, you stoped trustin yourself

Self trust is all about boundaries

not trusting yourself means you have unhealthy boundaries, abondoning your own truth
this makes you feel unsave within yourself

you feel unsave with yourself when you act against your feelings, your own truth

to learn to trust yourself you have to tune in how you truly feel and honor how you truly feel

you cant have intimacy, cannot have good relationships if you deny how you truly feel
your false self becomes like a mask that cant anyone pass
the mask becomes your identity to the degree you dont know who you are, what you wnat

to have a deep relationship with someone is to look the truth, the total unrestricted truth of who you are

you cant meet someone at the heart center if you wear a mask

You cause the difficulties you are trying to avoid, by not listening to your feelings and personal truth

The bottom line is it is
impossible to know who
you are and what you
like and what you believe
and what you want unless you
know exactly how you
feel

You cant have a good relationship when you dont have healthy boundaries
otherwise you loose yourself

before you can discover that we are all one you have to go towards individual happiness

a boundary is not resisting what you do not want, that is unhealthy
healthy boundaries exist to keep you happy
healthy boundaries are non resistant to nature and therefore in alignment with oneness
they are not about controlling
they're
entirely about you personally defining
and then following your individual sense
of happiness and desires and personal truth.

they are a state of self awareness and self love and itegrity

you cant have healthy boundaries letting the world define who you are and what you feel

exercise
wirte down 10 things you are most unhappy about in your current lfie
ask yourself: are there any boundaries that you are crossing in this experience which is giving rise to this negative emotion?

How do you really feel about these items, experiences on the list?

the last part is an action step that pulls you in alignment with your personal truth and to honor how you feel now
self expression is important, decide how you act on the experience and in future cases

boundaries are reassessed when time goes on, they are not static
boundaries change according to your feelings

help other people to set boundaries by telling them that you want to know exactly how they feel independent from what others might think of it
Assure them that what you really want is that thay stay in alignment with how they truly feel and want

This gives them permission to be themselves and define their boundaries within your presence

The bottom line is, if we
want to live happy life's and
make the right choices for ourselves
personally, we need to
know how we feel, admit to
how we feel and express how we feel.

Defning boundaries is a crucial part of finding your ture self
its a crucial part of success and spiritual practice

your boundaries can be simplified to how you feel

if you feel like doing something and you do it you express a boundary
if you dont do how how you feel you violate your boundary

to follow your feelings is the same as to follow happiness
you cant deny what you truly want, who you are, your feelings

the more you honor your feelings the happier you will be

Thanks Teal

[bojanazdravkovic]

I'm literally using your videos to reprogram my childhood programming. Thank you so much

[SonofSelene]

Love it. Especially the passage on shame. It is a cultural conditioning that needs to be released like a bad reflex

[mariposa]

I don't understand how there are people who disliked this video. Must be haters. She gives an easy to understand explanation of boundaries.

[menuxi]

But how do I know the difference between "this doesn't feel good therefore I have to set a boundary" and "this doesn't feel good because I need to grow and therefore force myself out of my comfort zone"?

[yubbone]

Shit.
I'm gonna have to watch this many times

[chelsm]

You are WONDERFUL. You are helping people probably more than you can even begin to imagine. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and enlightened teachings on self-respect and love.

[sofiekogan]

Probably the most important information a human can get

[Nancyox]

Oh. my. god. that perfectly describes my relationship with my parents. They were invalidating. I was always so fervently thankful that they put a roof over my head, I never could/ wanted to ask them for anything and when I grew up I had to learn how to accept that I am deserving of the things I want (you have actually helped me with that process). I wish I could go to one of your workshops and meet you.

[MarinoTarot]

***THANK YOU*** They really try to tell you from the outside where your boundaries should be but only you can know where they really are.

[sannajohanna]

5:18: "Only you can know what your boundaries are." Very good, thanks!