Why The Silent Treatment Is Traumatic

[leeboriack]

The silent treatment is used by the emotionally undeveloped and sabotages happiness for everyone.

[favi]

Whenever I would go out with my friends my mom wouldn't talk to me for the whole day. The next day she would talk to me as if nothing happened. I was around 10. My dad would sneak me out when he could tell I was getting lonely and tell me not to tell my mother. Recalling this still makes me cry til this day

[sarita]

Both my parents have given me the silent treatment as a child and even as an adult. My anxiety gets out of control when loved ones give me the silent treatment.

[ThisSideoftheNuthouse]

This is truth. I was raised by my grandmother. She wouldn't talk to me when she was angry. Flat out refused to talk to me. She would scream when she felt like she needed to but otherwise would ignore me. She would go so far as to talk to anyone else in the room just to show me that she was willing to talk to anyone but me. This creates a feeling of unworthiness and tells the child that they are only deserving of love when they make others happy. The child begins to feel like their feelings don't matter. It is confusing and heartbreaking.

[carriescully]

Damn that hurts when you realize how much that nonsense actually hurt you as a kid.😢

[shellyrae]

I’m 43, my 74yr old father who moved in with me has always done this, he still does, if I say the wrong thing. He will go for days without even looking at me and if I say “sorry” he won’t respond until he’s ready. He’s never apologized once to me. I get this horrible feeling in my stomach when he acts like this

[je-s]

Man this hit home. It was anxiety inducing walking on eggshells as a child and wondering if *today* would be the day she'd acknowledge me. 45 yo now and haven't had a single healthy relationship. Including friends. Beeb trying so hard to heal.

[D.Salazar]

50 years old & this still messes with me mentally...💯

[lynnieb]

This is so true. I would be shunned for months for anything. Sent to my room, not spoken to ot looked at. Im so grateful the Lord is ahowing me how much he loves me

[amandasmith]

This explains so much. Both of my parents and many family members were/are this way. This doubled down on the other abuses. So grateful to be unraveling and in healthy relationships unlearning these things. Freedom is so incredibly sweet.

[Ekam-Sat]

My ex gave me the silent treatment for 3 years which led to divorce. It not only affected me but also our children. Please don’t do this to your partner or kids. It does indeed feel like psychological abuse.

[stevenhskns]

It hurts much because I see how it makes my friendships so hard as an adult. I am trying to overcome a fear of abandonment. Thank you

[theeotakufam]

To my parents did that so much...and sometimes I wouldn't even know what I did. My mom would not speak to me for a week. This was my adult now. They don't like to communicate when I do something "wrong". Then all of a sudden they start talking to me. Sometimes I would feel like I'm walking on eggshells. Even when they are upset, and try to hold it against me. My parents
are great overall, but I am so glad I moved out. Last time my mom didn't talk for me for a week. I had no idea what I did. I was dealing with school, work and projects and coming home exhausted. So I would say hi and go to my room. My parents are the type to get mad at the way I say hi to them. And I wouldn't be disrespectful... that's why I can't fully open myself up to them, I don't feel like I can be myself and have to watch what I say to not make them in their feelings . The last time my mom did this she turned me off so bad because I was struggling for a week figuring out what I did. Till this day I don't know exactly why. I just wanted to leave home

[ravenraven]

This helped me to see why I'm still so affected when it's done to me even to this day . Another deep wound.. you have a gift . I'm so grateful for you. You articulate the feeling in so few words.

[liteyear]

I just recently “got” that this was even something that could be categorized as trauma. I saw it as completely natural. Just as natural as me starting to question my self worth and asking myself “what is wrong with me” at the age of eleven. Now at 45 I share my story with a therapist. It sure feels good to be validated, while also sad that it took me so long.

[ladyofwinterfell]

My mom did this. She was a emotionally unavailable low stress tolerances and extremely
reactive. Very physically abusive as well. I’m an adult now and I can’t even hug her like if she touched me it’s like someone is shocking me and I can’t wait till it’s over. I unconsciously pull away all the time.

[KleeKaiPuppies]

Thank you for the validation. Silent treatment was used in my home growing up.
The positive thing though that I realized that came out of it is that I had to turn inward and get to know myself and trust myself bc during that silent treatment that’s all I had was me and I found I liked me bc I’m kind hearted.
I vowed during those younger days to never give my kids the silent treatment like I had to endure and I never did. My kids and I are super close❤

[Emmie]

Unfortunately I see it used a lot because parents think the alternative is yelling at their kids, which they're trying to avoid 😢

[Melalpert]

My mum did this too. I remember as a child sometimes being like, come onnn talk to me.. then when she was ready we would go into the front room and she would lecture me. My mum had a shit childhood and I know this all comes from not being raised properly and given the love she needs herself but i suffered a lot because of her traumas. Thank you for sharing. Absolutely LOVE your work❤️

[Pironesia]

Yep. Trying to unravel and mend this one for me recently. It has so deeply wounded my self worth. At my lowest I simply felt guilty for taking up space in a room or for being alive. Eating, having needs. My entire existence felt like a burden because that’s what I was taught. I sometimes slip into that mindset, because it’s so familiar and trying to train my brain to think otherwise feels so wrong.

People love when you let them walk over you. They’ll commend you on how selfless and humble you are. Because your suffering satisfies them.

Don’t let them do that to you. You deserve better.