The Silent Treatment Will Damage Your Relationship. Do THIS Instead,

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If you're hurt or angry, or you want to set a boundary, one of the most destructive ways you can communicate this is with the Silent Treatment. In this video I respond to a letter from a man who "shut down" and ignored his partner when he felt upset. Find out how I suggest people with CPTSD keep communication open with people they love.
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[XxYwise]

So glad to see the silent treatment increasingly getting talked about as not just abusive, but perhaps THE most traumatic form of emotional/psychological abuse. "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" has its limits.

[FreeSpirit]

When you freeze someone out, you are teaching them how to live without you.

[rebeccabrown]

If you don't want me around, I won't be. If you don't want to talk to me. I won't talk to you. Act like you don't want me around, I won't stay.

[kimberlyharding]

I was married to a man who would ignore me for weeks at a time. We had 4 kids! It was the absolute worst, most denigrating form of punishment. Most of the time, I did not know what I had done wrong even when he was done ignoring me. I left after 19 years of marriage and have never met another man like him. If you cannot communicate in a relationship in some form, you cannot have "relationship".

[tamsparris-bah]

My very controlling dad used to do this to me a lot. When I got wise to his 'mind games' I used his silent treatment as an opportunity to take a break from his toxic behaviour and lived my best lives. It was like, great ' I don't have to answer to you, and can get on with my life without your toxic input'. It was a breath of fresh air for me, and I lived my best life! He hated seeing me act like I didn't give a sh*t if he wasn't talking to me or not. Laughing on the phone with my friends and not sharing my funny stories with him. Getting ready to go out without him knowing where I was going or when I was coming back. Just getting on with my life and treating him like a flat mate. He hated it! And when he was ready to talk to me. I told him that I preferred it when we weren't talking. That was the last time he played those mind games with me because he knew he would always lose.

[ignacedhont]

Receiving the silent treatment from someone you care about, is so intense it feels like physical pain.

[redwoods]

Not only do I go silent but I refuse to accept apologies that don’t seem sincere enough to me or I demand repeated apologies. The other person, even though they are in the wrong, has no way to make things right with me. That’s why I am single and alone. I have so much to work on, it seems hopeless to me. This channel is a huge help to me. It helps me to know I am not alone.

[cici]

The silent treatment, shunning, stonewalling, ghosting, blocking are all emotionally abusive and a means of control. The person on the receiving end learns to shape shift into whatever the abuser wants if they don’t run for the hills instead (as they should). Which by the way, if you are trying to heal from CPTSD and someone pulls one of these tactics on you, please get away from them and quick! Anyone who puts up with this loses their self respect and starts losing themselves and good luck climbing out of that. Please value yourself enough to deal only with people who are respectful enough not to use these behaviors.

[xronann]

My entire childhood was the silent treatment from my father. He does it to my mother too. She recently confided that she's felt alone her entire relationship and I have felt the same. It's isolating and painful.

[El-bztq]

People who do silent treatment to force an apology out of me would have no place in my life. Nasty, manipulative creatures.

[LW-wgny]

My father was a master of the silent treatment and I became his protege. Sometime during my teen years it seemed like it became a competition to see who could go the longest without speaking a word. I have done that to every one of my partners. It was my way of testing them. I thought if they cared about me and realized I was hurt they would prove it by breaking the silence and apologizing. It never worked but that was my pattern. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I found out it was a form of abuse. I have really become conscious of breaking that pattern. What a waste of time and energy, especially since it never had the desired affect anyway!

[rebeccawallace]

I used to be like this with solent treatment. Over the years, I've recognised the feelings I experienced and still experience are from trauma. I now say to my husband I need an hour to calm down and pull my thoughts and feelings together so we can then talk without me falling apart. I sometimes write a letter of sorts about how I'm feeling, let him read it, then talk about the issue.

[louisefitzgerald]

This was a coping strategy my family has used for generations. We are trying to break this toxic cycle.

[Wormwoodification]

Everyone in my life gives me the silent treatment. Worst follow up to that one is ghosting. I'm very used to it, so much so it's utterly debilitating when it happens. I almost don't want relationships anymore because of the trauma. I know why it happens. People don't like it when I'm emotional and get so overwhelmed and dysregulated I melt down. Reaching out for help to calm down means I get help, often in the form of a guilt trip, then ignored for a month so they avoid having to deal. Then no follow-up, no asking how I've been, just a dive into their life problems. I get it's my fault - because no one wants to talk to a basket case who's triggered by random things and needs help to process it - but it makes for a very lonely existence and a heavy dose of cynicism directed at the concept of having friends and support systems that are real. I end up pulling away myself, then feel like shit for being the one who's "ignoring" others. Sigh. A catch 22.

[lorileifer]

Can’t even count how many times I’ve been DESTROYED by a man’s stonewalling. Hard for me to believe that it’s just about their early rejection and not somewhat intentional (ie. getting high off of seeing someone (a female?) be hurt) but I’ll take your word for it!! I hope this man gets the healing he needs and maybe even apologizes to this woman-?

[CrystalReneeMusic]

Thank you for this. I'm an intense stonewaller and silent treatment giver. I've been this way since I was a kid. I wanted people to feel the same hurt i felt. I've seen this tactic make a grown man cry. And i was happy with the fact that they were hurt. But, I'm working very diligently to change. I don't want to be this way anymore. I didn't realize that me acting in this way could be considered abuse. Abuse was certainly not my intention, but I see how it is just that. I no longer want to be this way. The silent treatment doesnt heal the void thats there. I want to communicate, regulate my feelings, and be better for myself and the people I love. This is a great video. Thank you for posting. Please pray for me on my journey of healing and healthy communication. 🙏🏽

[susanuribe]

Every young child maybe as early as four or five I was giving the silent treatment by the queen of silent treatment. I remember as early as the first grade she wouldn’t talk to me for five days. It was scary so lonely and guilt extreme guilt for what I don’t know. 😢

[trusound]

I know there are times when the silent treatment as it relates to essentially being a punishment, is not good for anyone. I will always maintain that there are times when it is the only option to maintain one's sanity. When the circular arguments begin, the constant changing of goalposts etc... I will NOT engage with that. And when reasoning with the person in question does not work, I am going to go to silence, not as a punishment but as a means of reclaiming my own dignity and self respect. I will not give such a person my energy.

[lindsayobrien]

My mum would give me the silent treatment for days and this would hurt me far more than her raging at me. I would beg her to be normal with me again and say sorry over and over and she would reply ‘you really hurt me’ . I left home young and now I know why. No matter how angry I am with someone close I’ll never give them the silent treatment… I know how it feels!
In fact, I’ve never had to deal with this again in any of my relationships.

[ansheng]

I was given the silent treatment as a punishment when I was a kid. Now any form of silence or being ignored from anyone when I try to engage them is totally unbearable.