The Psychology Behind Dumpers Remorse

The Psychology Behind Dumpers Remorse

Today were going to be talking about the psychology behind dumpers remorse and why I think it is one of the most important things that you need to create if you want your ex back. Without a doubt one of the biggest questions I get asked is how do I create dumpers remorse, but first we must understand what dumpers remorse is.

Simply put, dumpers remorse is a situation where you ex breaks up with you and then a few months afterwards regret their decision. So, dumpers remorse and regret go hand in hand.

Regret

The first thing we need to talk about is regret, and why people feel regret. What’s interesting is when scientists were looking into people’s regrets, two things kept coming up at the top of everyone’s list;

Education
Romance

So, what can this teach us about regret?

One thing that scientists noticed was that regret seemed to persist in situations where there was a chance of positive action occurring. In other words, something good could happen if they went back and revisited or tried to reclaim that regret.

This makes sense to education because later in life we can all go back to school and get an education and it can also make sense in the opportunities of lost loves. We can think back to a particular relationship and regret not see the value in it at the time and tend to want to revisit it and potentially make something work.

How long it takes people to start having regrets

This is one of the most difficult questions to answer as there is two factors that come into this

The first is does your ex feel any remorse for ending the relationship

The second was if you had the type of relationship that was worth remembering

Creating a timeline for regret is impossible as every situation is unique to itself. If there is one rule of thumb that I want to leave you with is that a missed opportunity is going to create regret. Make your relationship feel like a missed opportunity.

There are different types of decision processes that happen to make us regret something and I would like to break them down to help you understand the psychology behind regret.

Psych Process #1 – Timing

How long has it been since the break up?

How long did your relationship last?

How long has it been since the two of you last talked?

One thing that we do know with creating remorse enough time has to have passed to make them feel that they missed an opportunity. What if I was to tell you that on average that our success stories are taking around three to six months to get their ex back and that is from the moment that they implement the no contact rule.

Psych Process #2 – Context

This goes back to where I was talking about the depth of the relationship, there is a difference between someone who was with their ex for one year compared to someone who was with their ex for a month. It can also go into things like;
Was there cheating involved?
Was it a long-distance relationship?

All these things matter to determine if there is a dumpers remorse in play. This is why context of the relationship is so important, how much experiences that your ex had with you and how they felt during the relationship. A lot of clients take their own experience from the relationship and don’t consider their exes. If you have had times with your ex where they said that they have never felt like that before then that is good, but we need to remember that it’s not the words that they say but it is the actions that they take.

Psych Process #3 – Opportunity Cost

This comes down to your ex thinking if they take that time spent with you and offer it to someone else is that experience going to be better. Oftentimes we find that the person who has this has already taken the action of breaking up with you and moving on to someone new. We also call this the grass is greener syndrome they think that the grass is greener with someone else and after some time goes by the realise that they had it better before.

Psych Process #4 – Self Interest

We have all heard the expression when emotions runs high logic runs low, but believe it or not we do try to make decisions logically. But as we make those decisions we use emotions for that main reason for that decision.

[lulunicole]

He has 2 weeks to come back. It’s already been 9 days. Why tf am I gonna wait around months for someone who broke up with me and the problems were his fault? He fell out of love with me so when he started disrespecting me, he did it was ease & causing me to stand up for myself which meant fighting. I was so good to him the entire relationship. I would take accountability if I did something wrong but I didn’t. So 5 more days and I’m moving on without look back. I believe if they can leave you for MONTHS it will never be the same connection bc they don’t rebounded so many times which to me I’ll never take you back if you f*cked someone else regardless if we were together or not

[medhasingh]

I have empathy for people with trauma, but if they aren't, as grown ups, working towards dealing with them through therapy and actively looking to change their life towards building real intimacy, then perhaps we need to reassess our priorities and find people who have more courage to go after what they want rather than wallow in their victimhood. This tendency of theirs will be awful for the relationship when it comes to resolving any conflict like mature individuals. If you're a secure individual, you're better off dating other secure people, and second to that would be anxious types. Avoidance have far more inner work to do that no one else can do for them.

[DinaDeng.]

This is probably the best video youv had in a long time. Straight to the point and informational. knowledge is power guys. I don’t want my ex back but I like learning so I can better my self

[opusandtarquez]

That's real talk Chris. The amount of time apart so they fell like they've missed out is HUGE.

[arifomer]

I am 37 years old. I had near 10 relationships. In this age I learnt one thing. When women decide to break up. They rarely come back. They show lots of signs before break up. In my last break up now I realize she started to grieve 4 months ago. So she broke up with me and now relief. I think she won't feel remorse again because she already passed that period. İf i am wrong correct me

[briteidea]

Two months of chatting/messaging. Then finally met and the relationship went slow to off like a rocket.
She ended it at the six month mark. No particular reason.
It’s been 2 months since the breakup. Little over 30 day’s of no contact.

[TurdFergusn]

My girlfriend of 4 years left me 5 weeks and hasn't looked back since. 7 days no contact as I moved her things for her out of the house and I am a mess while she seems perfectly fine. The first 3 weeks I thought I was dying. Ive lost 10kg(20lbs) and had to take time off of work.

I dont know what I did wrong as I treated her very well, but i wish I could change whatever I did wrong.

[teresaolofson]

Jan 10th dont want to be in a relationship with someone who takes me for granted and doesn't appreciate me.

[MrJdaboss]

Again spot on!!! I need the background tracks man. Great video

[tebogopilane]

I don't think he will ever come back. It's been over a year. But now am cool wit that reality. It used to kill me but I found a way to overcome it. The problem now is that he refuses to give me my property. He doesn't say no but doesn't give them to me either.. Bt I cn see that he regrets his decision bt now he has committed himself to his new girlfriend. Bt life goes on

[norisexy]

My ex broke up with me back in 2014 and dated someone else from 2016 to 2019 now she wants me back but tbh I’m used to being alone and just having lots of sex I don’t see myself taking her back

[Funnyclipsifindontheinternet]

My ex is a pogo sticker...said he didnt feel the same anymore and couldnt see himself with me and 7 days later was in a new relationship...2 months later they've moved in together and he keeps calling...he apologized but wants us to be friends....he blows up my phone 24/7 at work but on the weekends and after work he is radio silent for obvious reasons....I still love him and blocked him on everything and sent a message that I cnt be friends and why...he tried calling 3 times after that but eventually stopped.

[sfanjk]

My ex always said
You deserve better,
Then ghost me .
When I got back with him the second time he said I was his Kryptonite. Whats that mean?

[MacFewelfy]

What if I was replaced after a month? Would she still feel regret, she looks so happy with him

[janebernabe]

he's mad i unfriended him in social media 2 months after he broke up with me, and blames me about the breakup whenever he had a chance. messages me 2x a week. I'm getting tired already he's so prideful. he want me around but I want a relationship with him and he insists friendship. we've been together for almost 6 years :(

we're each other's first serious relationships. he's my first boyfriend and firsts in everything :(

[Andycelia]

My ex gf already plan her break up with me 4months back before she initiate the break up for the last time, she should be moved on by then

[sweshikamarumudi]

It been 4 months and not evn a grain sign of remorse my bf feels evn after 2months of no contact he is still the same and doesn't give a shit abt me

[venus_]

It's kinda sad after one month and 2 weeks he have new gf it seems like he moved on? Do he really moved on? He said before I care about you and I just wanted to be friends with you but I said I can't be friends with you that's not the best idea

[antilaw]

Are these comments from young people? Lot if growing up to do!

[nickf]

You don't want your ex back. They rejected you, disrespected you, used you, cheated on you want THIS back? What is wrong with you. Muster up some self respect, and learn how to move on.