do people take advantage of your kindness?

I get asked about this a lot - especially for a fitness page. (we're still technically a fitness page... Sometimes)

There are a lot of philosophies and mindsets that might work, but I usually give two points:

1.) Draw boundaries, both hard and soft

If you want to be a generous person, then you may also want to know how to say "no". It helps if you can do it politely, but some people may not want or need that. It's up to you.

Some people will always want more than you can give. That might make you feel a bit sad. However, you are also a person* with needs and wants - remember it's okay to leave some energy for yourself.

*maybe you're an AI robot reading this. If so, feel free to disregard.

2.) Manage your expectations of what you get for "giving".

I usually don't know the people who ask me about this stuff THAT well. Yet, anyway. So I add this just in case. Are they nice? Or are they "nice"?

It's okay not to give sometimes and it's okay to not want to be around some people. HOWEVER, if you are "giving" and "being nice" with hidden expectations of others, then you may want to analyze this for yourself. Communicate them to others, if applicable.

Very notably, this includes friendship. Meaning you can't force someone to be your friend if they don't want to be. You can be very nice to them, but if they don't reciprocate, you may want to find other company. Perhaps.

You don't have to. Or you might be a great person who already does this! Feel free to ignore this if you feel like it doesn't apply to you.

Just some thoughts! I'll be doing more podcast-style videos like this during the winter.

Have a wonderful day!

#kindness #shorts #friendship

[HybridCalisthenics]

I get asked about this a lot - especially for a fitness page. (we're still technically a fitness page... Sometimes)

There are a lot of philosophies and mindsets that might work, but I usually give two points:

1.) Draw boundaries, both hard and soft

If you want to be a generous person, then you may also want to know how to say "no". It helps if you can do it politely, but some people may not want or need that. It's up to you.

Some people will always want more than you can give. That might make you feel a bit sad. However, you are also a person* with needs and wants - remember it's okay to leave some energy for yourself.

*maybe you're an AI robot reading this. If so, feel free to disregard.

2.) Manage your expectations of what you get for "giving".

I usually don't know the people who ask me about this stuff THAT well. Yet, anyway. So I add this just in case. Are they nice? Or are they "nice"?

It's okay not to give sometimes and it's okay to not want to be around some people. HOWEVER, if you are "giving" and "being nice" with hidden expectations of others, then you may want to analyze this for yourself. Communicate them to others, if applicable.

Very notably, this includes friendship. Meaning you can't force someone to be your friend if they don't want to be. You can be very nice to them, but if they don't reciprocate, you may want to find other company. Perhaps.

You don't have to. Or you might be a great person who already does this! Feel free to ignore this if you feel like it doesn't apply to you.

Just some thoughts! I'll be doing more podcast-style videos like this during the winter.

Have a wonderful day!

[jazzyj]

Be kind, not nice.
Nice is an act.
Kind is from the heart.

[thefactspherefromportal]

I never thought about the "giving money" part before. Thanks man, needed that

[Formulatingloading]

This is the part of the internet I forgot about. Where u get to see cool people u can 100% be friends with but realistically you’ll never meet.

[AutieZo]

Saying "no" to others could mean saying "yes" to yourself ❤

[HybridCalisthenics]

Art by the amazing Bunselle! Check her out on Instagram and Google!

[larrypastor]

I’m a psychiatrist so I’m in the business of trying to help people live their best lives. I just want to say I think you have a great approach to fitness and toward people, and life in general. I love your videos. Keep up the good work.

[Jmpwfdpdl]

As a person who has always dealt with this problem, the biggest game changer for me was just saying no. After years of people taking advantage of me, I’ve realized it’s perfectly fine to say no. In fact, people oftentimes respect you more when you set those boundaries. And most importantly, be nice because you want to be nice. Don’t be nice because other people expect you to be nice. Kindness should come from a genuine place, and not from a place of politeness or expectation. Idk that’s just how I think of it….life has gotten so much better once I realized I didn’t have to be kind all the time.

[macazootie]

This made me sad and a little irritated at the idea of anyone trying to take advantage of or manipulate you. Thank goodness you know how to set healthy boundaries.

[erwinlimawan]

When trying to be kind, just remember; a kindness to yourself, is a kindness still. This can include walking away from people who you know will take advantage of you. It’s fine.

[nikosfilipino]

This is something that I'm bringing up to my therapist in our next session. For a long time i would just give and give and give to anyone and everyone. I found myself empty in the end. After living like that for so long without being cared for myself I started giving but mentally in expectation of something back. Very recently this ended up in a friendship ending and being labeled as a manipulator and i almost took my life for it. I'm not trying to justify "nice guys" or people who are genuine manipulators but that there are people out there who just haven't learned how to balance how much they give to others with how much to keep for oneself. Learning to say no is a start down the path of healing

[Vik]

I gave my friends money as a kid a lot of times but never asked for it back because it was a small amount anyways and as a kid I didn't care much about money. But yeah, help others without expecting anything in return and stand up for yourself if someone is asking you to do something that you are either not comfortable doing or don't have time. Be a nice person to yourself, as well. Live your life and help others if possible.

If someone insults you for helping someone, say you are a man and you are helping a woman, many men would find that insulting for some reason and assume you are doing it for something in return. Those people are simply projecting because a good person would understand what helping someone in need is without expecting anything in return. Don't see gender or race when helping someone, we are all humans, in the end.

[JennyNobody]

Your ability to non-violently communicate is wonderful.

[treysabre]

I always distinguished this as kindness versus niceness. Being nice is being pleasant, being kind is ensuring the well-being of others. (Including not enabling them)

[anarchisttrash]

As someone who is a chronic people pleaser, I desperately need to work on these two things. I’ve never really had the ability to say “no” to people, and that’s gotten me into plenty of situations I’ve regretted. Specifically with the money thing, my old friends would constantly have me buy things for them because I’d offer. They would never really pay me back, and would sometimes just straight up treat me like trash. We stopped being friends a few months ago, and as much as it hurts… it’s nice to not have a hole in my wallet, eh?

[hbanana]

Had…Have an old friend who is very disturbed at heart. Usually trauma dumps on me and unloads all her emotional drama on me (via DMs. We live continents apart) I tried to set some boundaries bc her stories were depressing me. Man, she flipped on me. “Go live your happy little life with your darling boundaries.” I knew I was in a toxic relationship but also really cared for her. It’s a good thing she decided not to talk to me anymore, bc i can’t help her. It’s not my job.

Like my best friend says, “don’t burn yourself to keep others warm.”

[playpianotoday]

Hampton - you are so wise! I really love it when one of your videos pops up 😊

[OpalLeigh]

My father always taught me that helping others makes you happy too:) so you’re also gaining by being a good friend/partner/family member:)

[empiricalpurity]

Great advice for anyone to live by. Giving while not expecting anything in return is true kindness. Giving while expecting something in return is securing favours. There's nothing wrong with either approach. But it's important to understand yourself and what your true intentions are so as to not have unrealistic expectations of others and set yourself up for disappointment.

[elizabethfreed]

One of the best things I've ever watched, and you manage to express it perfectly in 60 seconds. Genius, sir. I take my hat off to you.