First time foster parent vs experienced foster parent: Saying goodbye & reunification

I remember my first reunification. I was not prepared for the "goodbye" moment. I'm sure whatever I said wasn't exactly what I hoped it would be.

After some experience, I learned to say my "goodbyes" the day before. Then, when it's time to say goodbye on the day of reunification, I can more clearly support the child and their parent. Offering choice, comfort, care, support, and focus on the reunion. I also find I am not as emotional, but I've gotten pretty good at compartmentalizing - I know everyone handles things differently!

I try not to promise anything that I am not completely sure about. This can be confusing.
And by saying you are sad, depending on the age of the child, they may get confused and feel guilt or blame for making you sad by leaving.

Of course, every child will want to hear something different from you, and so it's important to be in tune with their specific needs.

If you need help processing so you can remain calm, sincere, and regulated during the goodbye, consider finding a trusted foster parent friend to vent with, join a support group, seek out spiritual support, or work with a mental health professional.

My way of doing things certainly is not the only way. Feel free to drop your experiences and tips below! ⬇️

Find Me on Social Media:

[aaaaaaaaaaaaa]

As a foster child I would like to say that you are doing a great job. This is exactly how you should take care of a foster child. Every time I see your videos I am like:"yes I would have loved to be treated that way, ut would of been much better"
And again, you are doing a great job and I am unable to describe how hard it hits me when I see your videos, and now I am crying
Is just that you are so on point, I think that God made you to be a foster mom.
You are so precious 💕

[aliciashanks]

I really like your new vs. seasoned foster parent videos. They make such an impactful message about how to turn good intentions into helpful and healthy practices. Thank you Laura! ❤️

[KylaFuller]

I cried for 2 weeks but I told them they were gonna love living with their auntie. Never seen them again. 10 years later the love is still there.

[michelleandrews]

When I first got kinship care of my niece and nephew, my husband and I were told we were not allowed to hug them or tell them we love them. They said it would prevent any "misunderstandings". I was appalled. I told them these children really family and no matter what I would always tell them I love them and give them hugs. I told trm I didn't understand as I grew up in the system. The main thing most kids in care need is someone to love them (in a healthy way), and everyone needs a hug now and then.

[nicoledoubleyou]

These videos make me cry cuz I wish I had a parent that cared this much about me as a child. I was never a foster kid but I grew up with a single, drug addicted, mom. She was never home, and when she was, she never talked to me like she cared about me as a person. I wish I felt this kind of love

[kellyriddell]

I love that you show that you still get to have those 'I love you's and let the child know how much you care about them and will think about them always, but still make reunification more about the happiness of a family getting to be together again. That's awesome.

[Oliver-vimj]

I’m only a teenager, but I’ve always wanted to have foster kids when I’m older. I know there are so many kids out there who need it and I want to be able to help. These videos have helped me learn more about the right way to do things and I’ll definitely keep all this info in mind in the future. Thank you.

[lemonlacroix]

ugh lord who cut the onions around here??? my inner 6 year old is absolutely balling. thats the most perfect responce ever. youre an angel of a person, youre doing an AMAZING job for these kids and God has a special seat for people like you🥺✨💗🙏🏻

[satannaida]

It's such a small thing, and it makes a huge difference. You wouldn't think that staying these kind words in a different setting to have such a huge impact.

[sleepygirl]

That's true for every parent. My mom always guilttripped me (I don't think she did it on purpose but she just gets too overwhelmed by her own emotions that she forgets to put me first when it's smth that is a good thing for me for example getting into a good university but it's far away)

[MellowJelly]

It's amazing the sincerity in your voice. Even though your "acting" for these tiktoks I can tell this is coming from a very real place 😢 it makes me tear up

[MaddoxNine]

Great ideas! My own insight:

It's very normal/common for kids to start being sensitive to your emotions, especially as they get older. Even when you don't want to focus on yourself, they might sense your sadness or have complicated feelings about how they hope YOU feel. In that situation, you shouldn't lie to them, and I've found that explaining your feelings fully both gives them the reassurance they're looking for while also giving them some insight into healthy emotional processing.

I work in a residential facility (ages 6-12), and when kids graduate out of the program, they often ask if we'll be sad that they're gone. Me and most of my coworkers say some variation of "I'm going to be sad in a really, really happy way - like I'm proud, even if I miss you. I hope I never see you here again, and every time I see [reminder], I'll just think 'Dang, I'm glad [name] got outta here'"

It can change from child to child, but the goal is to be truthful with your own feelings while still reminding the child that right now, the situation IS about them, and they don't need to worry about us. We ARE a little sad (amongst all the happy), and that's OKAY. It's not theirs to worry about, and being sad doesn't have to always be something Bad™

[valorreii]

the ‘i love you, and i am SO proud of you.’ literally made me cry and i don’t know why

[LaurenElizabethYT]

I’m only 23, still living at home and in school — so obviously I won’t be qualified to foster for a while yet, but it’s something I really want to be able to do one day, and these videos are always so inspiring, and so informative. One day if I ever actually begin the process to become a foster parent, I’ll be coming back to your channel to watch all these again.

[kaiathon]

I'm glad you emphasize that even you didn't get it right the first time, and that it's okay! You learn and figure things out as you go and now you can teach others through any mistakes you made!

[breathelectric]

You are so incredibly empathic and emotionally intelligent, it’s astounding.

[marysue]

I honestly sometimes wished that my mom was like that instead of using me as a therapist. Daydreaming here we

[mariahcraft]

I am so emotional today, you are just so sweet & I really love to see people like you exist. We always hear horror stories of foster parents - you are incredible!!

[theChristianChristian]

I've been borrowing these tips for my sister's 3yo foster child. After a visit the other day he said "I don't want to leave the party 🥺" and I told him "It was so fun playing together today- let's do it again very soon! Will you come back to see me?" Those reassuring words put a smile on his face as he left, knowing this particular goodbye isn't forever. Creating happy memories 🤍

[catholiclife]

What a beautiful person. This is real and she genuinely cares!!! ❤❤❤❤❤