Why Narcissists Self-Destruct

The narcissist pattern of life is built upon so many dysfunctional behaviors and attitudes that it is destined to be a losing proposition. But, as Dr. Les Carter explains, they have such an inflated view of themselves that they inevitably self-destruct. And one of their greatest delights is when you fall apart with them.

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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.

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[leeboriack]

Fighting a narcissist is like trying to use a broom to sweep the sand off of the beach. Possible but not probable. Best move is to move.

[Famaliks]

It’s a systemic generational pattern of trauma and unconsciousness. My ex husband’s parents had it and I tried to set boundaries, call them out, etc… for 30 years and eventually I got very, very sick and suicidal. Now I have had to block three of my four adult children because even though they know their father beat me physically and cheated multiple times, as well as physically abusing them too, they kept attacking me and abusing me by proxy in the most cruel and inhumane ways I’ve ever experienced. My family is totally lost, but my older daughter and I have escaped all the scapegoating and bullying and while we grieve the loss of our family, we are so much more at peace and have no chaos.

[pamelachisholm]

Two words you’ll never come out of a narcissist mouth : “ I’m sorry.”. 🙄

[icalotdonthide]

Once I understood they aren't people, everything clicked.

[michaelclark]

Hurting other people is a deadly sin and in the end their narcissism will prove to be their OWN destruction.

[goldilocks]

Yes. It is an extremely hard lesson for an empathic person to learn but the win for us is learning to walk away: both physically and emotionally 😇

[paulgreen]

I spent 17 miserable years with a textbook narcissist. When I finally booted her out of my life, she found a new victim, immersed herself in a world of drugs and alcohol, and they both died in a car crash a few months later. I went to her funeral to make sure she was really gone!
Life has been improving, day by day ever since.

[PureNRG]

As I look back over the time I was with a narcissist, I’m amazed at how gullible I was believing all the lies and acquiescing to all the manipulation. They truly are well practiced and skilled at deception. The thing that really amazes me is that they knew exactly what they were doing and thought that it was all just really ok.

[helenannelder]

I have two family members who are narcissists who each self-destructed in spectacular ways. One was a sibling. It breaks my heart because I watched him go from being a sweet, kind, thoughtful little boy to a massively destructive human being. Although I love him deeply, I had to let him go years ago because he would become abusive if I suggested he get help. The other family member who self-destruct was our father. So, my father abused my brother enough and in such a way that my brother became a narcissist. Dysfunctional families are the cancer of our society.

[mthomas]

They are exhausting relationships. They take up a lot of unnecessary energy. When you try and have an adult conversation with them, they avoid any accountability. At best, they make excuses and play the victim card. They might toss a few tears. Make no mistake, they have contempt for you and, IF you decide to listen to their heartbreaking story, they'll have nothing but disrespect for you.
They need to go get help because it is clearly beyond our pay scale.

[l]

I just love how comfortable the dog snuggled on the sofa sleeping, so peaceful.

[David-eums]

It has taken years for me to accept that it's not salvageable.

[montanagirl]

Yup. I recently came to this conclusion. I used to get mad and have large blow out emotional reactions (which I'm sure he loved) and say hurtful things. Then have huge remorse and days of feeling bad about myself. Now that I understand what I'm dealing with, I will no longer put myself in those positions AND I will monitor my own behavior because at the end of the day, I have to live with myself. I started to realize I was feeling worse about my reactions to the situation than the ugly situation itself. I have no control over what he does and he obviously isn't going to change.

[eetchooarn]

“They have a deep fear of their own humanity being exposed.” Wow, got it. Thank you Dr. Carter!

[christiededman]

Had a Narc in my life that I helped endlessly until they pushed me over the edge one day & I finally got to the point where I could say "You're on your own" and my life has been so much better -- Walking away from them was 9 years in the making

[pmcnamara]

Another thing they seem incapable of is an apology. It seems to hear themselves say the words "Please forgive me" is unthinkable.

[SpecialEdDHD]

Once you stop caring just get the popcorn, sit back and enjoy the show lol.

[RichD]

That self-destruction is one of the things that is most fascinating to me about narcissist. I dated a covert narcissist and as much as I lost in that relationship, emotionally, spiritually, financially - she lost more. I made her life better in every conceivable way, and listen, I'm not perfect, but I treated this woman like a queen, and she threw that all away. I always ask myself "why" and I guess they can't help it.

[joachimgoethe]

Narcissists fail to take into account people have long memories. Their vitriolic words leave deep emotional scars. My brother was the worst kind of narcissist. Never a kind word towards another human being ever passed his lips. Ridicule, condescending, hurtful remarks was all he was capable of uttering.
He died five years ago. . .
And to this day, he lays in an unmarked grave. Like I said, people have long memories.

[michaelclark]

What goes around comes around. If you intentionally sow the scenes of pain and suffering among your fellow human beings through malicious gossip that's exactly what you'll reap in return.