A Narcissist's Separate Self

Narcissist's have difficulty coming to terms with their True Self, Their Shadow Self, and their False Self. This is due to the pathology of their Separate Self...the ingredients and experiences that make them distinct from other individuals. They have such a distorted view of what makes them unique that it virtually guarantees very poor insight into who they really are.

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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.

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[tbunnyshy]

This is one of the most difficult things to learn and accept. One day something “clicks”. They do something that is a “dealbreaker” which brings you a great “awakening”. There will never be a genuine relationship. The mental gymnastics with these people must come to an end.

[douaa]

Looking back and realizing that narcissists were never there when we needed them the most yet they continue approaching us with a sense of superiority and entitlement. Thank you Dr. Carter 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻

[AnonymousYaz]

It is so true, narcissists have no loyalty. My Ex decided to bring guys over to my place and have intercourse with them when after 15 years together and 3 kids because I didn't wish to be intimate with her in protest of her treatment towards me. When I explained to her my reasons, she simply decided to create an online profile looking for casual encounters and started yelling out loud in front of the kids demanding that I pack up my belonging and leave everything to her. It is embarrassing to say that I was with someone like that.

[Sean-dlym]

I'm diagnosed NPD, ans I live for validation and praise, BUT it's not true that I don't reciprocate. I do feel grateful for supply bc I literally need it to live, so I happily give it back in droves. I compliment you, tell you you're fabulous, and even pretend I care about your life. I'll listen to your stories of victory and woe for hours. Most people don't even realize I'm NPD!

[anneprocopio]

Endemic envy, betrayal, sabotage, chronic frustration, rages and scoffing ultimately harboring loneliness, cynicism and misogyny and self pity. These people are an energy sink. Your energy and optimism provides supply for the entitled slothful. Run away FAST.

[JohnSmith-wons]

I never felt me and my ex were a team, I felt no security. My problems were mine, her problems were mine. I wanted a future together but could never imagine it. These relationships are totally one sided and unsupportive.

[shar]

It's a one way highway with a narcissist. They get the last word, and they'll do whatever it takes to be the winner 🏆. I think the silly competing keeps them feeling alive.

[Judygurl]

"Predictably unpredictable." I'm able to see this better in hindsight because during the relationship I tried to rationalize and normalize his behavior in order to make sense of it. Thank you, Dr. C for another great video.

[Katie-vyrd]

Had youtube and Dr Carter been here when I was married.. my entire life would have been so different... I do appreciate you! And people struggling with these behaviors in people close to you in any way... take his advice if you can and get far away, either physically or emotionally and stay there. Your life will be better for it.🕊

[penny]

I left today. ❤ After 3.5 years. Got tired of this rollercoaster

[denicehaley]

Another excellent, insightful teaching, Dr. C! I’ve been telling my narc husband who refuses to look at his ugly and bad side (dark side), we don’t have unity, connectiveness, or oneness. Never had.

Through your teachings, I’ve learned to emotionally gray rock and not keep pleading or reasoning with him since he’s chosen to remain in his false self-separate and distinct-with all the negativities you pointed out.

I’m moving forward in my walk with the Lord.

[wendybond]

I used to think he had poor social skills. He would talk a lot about himself but glaze over when the other person responded. He could ‘talk?with’ someone for an hour but not remember their names a short time later. He was simply not interested in what they had to say. Just wanted to talk and talk about himself.

[doodlebugscritters]

I have spent almost 20 years trying to convince myself that my husband was someone he's not. Things that he has said and done make so much more sense now. Thank you so much for teaching myself and others exactly what we are facing!

[cyndim]

I stopped texting/calling people that have said they care for me, the Narcs. Guess what, I haven’t talked to some in over three years. C’est La Vie.

[fightthegoodfightoffaithmi]

Ezekiel 18:21
But if the wicked will turn from all his sins that he hath committed, and keep all my statutes, and do that which is lawful and right, he shall surely live, he shall not die.

Galatians 2:20
I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.

[michelepascoe]

Various "selves" very interesting! I have wondered why some people are dishonest and insincere. They are not at peace with the various aspects of self, apparently.

[lesliewoolnough]

Refusal to accept correction is how narcissists ( people that have been hurt very badly ) are taught to live, they didn’t get to experience correctness ( perhaps as small children ) and won’t accept correction, that’s when you know to Exit stage Left ASAP !
Unless your a trained professional Thank you Dr C awareness is key

[janeydoe]

I made the "transactional" connection about two years after we separated. We had a traditional marriage in that I gave up my career to stay home and raise our two while he built the business. Fast forward 18 years and he's decided now that the kids are independent my "service" (job) is no longer required and proceeds to flush me out of existence. That's when I find out that the, "It's all one pot" mantra actually means, "What your's is mine and what's our's is mine." I bankrolled us through the lean years. Of course all my resources were exhausted, b/c I was fully committed and trusted my husband - it's all one pot, right? Wrong. Now that I am attempting to cash out my "ROI" to use his speak, I need a 24/hr security detail. Love = money and "I" am the interloper. That's what I have learned.

[phyllisjunemillerjohnson]

The thing I'd love is to actualize into the person I was meant to be

[parisizzles]

The way of the narcissist:

As he toys with his prey, his driving existence is to bandstand for an audience of one. He walks into a room, draws in those unaware before they can scatter. His charm, like glitter, he dangles the mask only to pluck and collect those that will be useful and stay. His fuel is to snatch and gobble the innocence and the lovely for strength; only if he can sway. His twisted will drags like a chain, casting a net of pain that feeds his happiness. Draining their joy, he multiplies dread; while his ego explodes in glee.

He needs only the finger to wag at the victim he blames. Feeling great elation he speaks; “Aha! Victory at last!”; as he snidely smirks! “Fools they are! My useful idiots!”; he says. He transfers his fear, only to cripple till they cannot escape! He loses his power when they slip through his grip knowing they have choice ... Servitude will surely cease! When they escape, wiser from wear....
He trembles in terror that they will unite their experience as a trumpet of truth to blast a warning for the audience of one!

So, round and round confusion must roll the wheel that entertains the audience of one! He busies himself brick by brick! Building his mask so he can trick! Churning his truth, dotted with lies is his foundational plan. He hides as he lurks for whom he may devour. He must move quickly, never stay, for they will surely know!

With folded arms, Looking down from his highest might, he surveys. Proudly, he is the creator and the master of naught! Gloating exhaustion weighs him down! When all is well in his wonderful world, he closes his eyes in rest to only repeat. The giant must cower to sleep... Silence is heard.... the secret be known...
As his greatest fear may come to light; IRRELEVANCE after all !! Shhh 🤫