Co-parenting Therapy | How to co-parent with your ex | Enilda Clinic

I'm chatting with clinical psychologist, Tiffany Rochester, in Perth, Australia. She specializes in coparenting therapy for divorced and separated parents who aim to work together for the betterment of their child(ren). We discuss what coparenting means, the mindset of providers and parents in effective and ineffective coparenting therapy, the role of the legal system, and common themes of emotions that children display. Many parents have described to me that they feel they're coparenting with a narcissist and they would like to improve communication with their coparent. An especially interesting insight I received from this chat is Tiff's conceptualization of parent responsibilities and children responsibilities when it comes to visitations.

Resource mentioned in this interview:

B.Psych., M.App.Psych (clinical), MAPS, Clinical Psychologist
Tiffany Rochester is an AHPRA endorsed Clinical Psychologist with over 15 years’ experience working systemically with children, adults and families in a range of settings, including separation, divorce and Family Court issues; children involved in the justice system; families raising children with complex needs; trauma; perinatal mental health; and anxiety, stress, depression and grief across childhood, adolescence and adulthood. Tiff is passionate about the application of evidenced-based practice, and her clinical approach is informed heavily by Contextual Behavioural Science (CBS), including Behaviour Analysis, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT).

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[RobertRubio-wb]

As a dad, who is going through court, custody and false accusations of domestic violence with three kids involved, being a very involved parent it’s hard to get actual help or resources, because the system favors the mother and on top of that men men’s mental health isn’t taken seriously. my ex plays victim and lies in court. I was actually abused by her physically emotionally mentally and she portrayed me as this terrible person and even in court as I’m winning I’m still getting the negative flashback of it because I did not file first I have the negative part of it. She tries to make it seem like my kids have so many issues but in reality it’s her she needs help and she needs to learn how to be a better parent as well as learn how to be a better coparent because I’m in therapy. I’m in anger management. I’m constantly trying to better myself for my kids

[advocacynaccountablity]

Our difficulty is that we passionately disagree about WHAT is best for our child. This is, in fact, the critical difficulty we deal with. He very much believes his method of parenting is best. I very much believe my method of parenting is best. He is more traditional - shaming, pressuring, what he says goes - no questioning his authority, and I believe in validating our child's experiences and feelings. My method is more in keeping with the understanding that things should be approached age-appropriately, and through discussion versus command.

His bond is very different, and much more precarious than my bond with our child for these reasons. I wish it wasn't this way. I know our child would benefit greatly by having a strong bond with Dad, and trusting him to make responsible and respectful decisions, but any time I approach the subject of validating our child's feelings and experiences, I get immediately dismissed and often it gets taken out on our child who reports it later (I never prompt the sharing, because I don't want our child to be put in the middle of anything). It feels helpless.