Why do I feel BORED in healthy relationships? Why do STABLE relationships make me want to RUN?!

Why do I feel BORED in healthy relationships? Why do STABLE relationships make me want to RUN?!

Why do I feel bored with loving relationships? Why do healthy relationships turn me off? Why do I find healthy relationships unattractive? Feeling bored in healthy, loving relationships is much more common than so many of us realise. Being addicted to chaos or instability in romantic relationships is extremely common amongst those who were raised in unpredictable environments, and can therefore cause us to crave these types of relationships in adulthood. So, if you’re wondering “why do I feel bored in loving relationships?”, “why do loving relationships make me anxious?“ or “why do I feel bored with healthy relationships?” you are far from alone. However, it absolutely possible to heal your attraction and addiction to insecure relationships, which is exactly what I share in this video. I discuss why stable relationships make us want to run, why stable relationships turn us off and why loving relationships can make us feel anxious or restless. Feeling periodic boredom in healthy relationships is not only normal, but actually a really good sign that we have entered a more safe, secure and loving bond with another human.

I'm Ash Nord, your truth-bombing fairy godmother for everything love, dating and relationships. With so many idealistic, romanticised Hollywood messages about love out there, my mission is to be an honest, unfiltered source of information for individuals and couples seeking honest relationship advice and love lessons. No games, no manipulation tactics, no teachings about how to trick someone into liking you… so, if that’s what you’re looking for, I’m probably not your girl. My content is geared towards those wanting to learn more about REAL intimacy and togetherness with their partners or future partners. I have a psychological focus (I'm a psychology student) and a genuine passion for understanding how humans relate to and connect with one another. If you're into that type of thing, or would simply like to hear personal stories about my own life experiences and romantic relationships, then stick around! I got you.

DISCLAIMER: Please note everything stated in this video and all videos on my channel are purely my personal opinions and are for entertainment purposes only. I am not a qualified professional and as such my opinions should not be taken as psychological advice.

[lucasramirez]

My gf of almost 3 years left me because of this. She said she did feel something for me but not as strong as in the beginning and she wanted more excitement in life. Good for the women who are here trying to improve themselves. Dont hurt your bf just because he has done everything right.

[seidenschnabelfederflugel]

This is so important. When i dont feel the chaos, and i feel a sense of normality i want to scream, vomit, cry, hide and distroy everything around me. My biggest dream in life is to have a normal and stable life, and my biggest nightmare is a normal and stable life.

[dannywholuv]

Story of my life. I seek out mentally unhinged people and end up trying to fix them. Anyone 'normal' I've met just gets boring after 2 months. It's not good 😑

[tanvisharma]

It's like a child trying to build a tower out of blocks. As soon as it is built, the child feels unoccupied. So he dismantles or damages the tower, to rebuild it over and over.

Being bored gives a person space to grow individually within the relationship (developing hobbies, career, self-esteem, friendships, etc. alongside the relationship), as opposed to people who do their best to avoid boredom by constantly stirring up drama (they usually find comfort of familiarity in being emotionally invested; in either clinging or running away)
That's where the phase "get a life" comes in to play. It's important to have other individual things going on, and having joys of life outside of the relationship so you don't have to sabatoge a good relationship to to feel stimulated (especially helpful for people with anxious attachment.)

[ah]

My ex girlfriend basically dumped me and I believe she was bored and told me she wasnt in love with me. She said I did nothing wrong, but I did everything for her and she felt she lost her independence. Although, she still kept asking me to do for her when she broke up with me. We were in college and then (together from 18-24) me trying to get my career started. She left a relationship we had for 6 years with no warning (looking back I see the warnings). Then half the time afterwards she acted like we were a couple next she acted like she hated me. She was busy getting with other guys and I believe one of my ex friends. Anyways, I met someone else, we clicked and eventually told the ex I'm tired if the games and her BS and I'm moving on. She harassed me for a whole year and half. I married the new girl. 20 years later and 2 kids I can say I made the best decision. Especially, knowing the ex is still a perpetual teenager, never married and never had any kids. And, still angry with me that I moved on. I swear if I run into her if looks could kill I would burn to death.

[miyap.]

Wow. I cried at the end of this video. It helped me so much because I realized that I need to heal. I’m engaged to a wonderful man who is consistent and all things good. I want to learn how to rest in love, stability, acceptance & happiness. Thank you.

[shanicemay_]

Can I just say as a new Christian this literally spoke to my heart. I’m currently in a healthy relationship and I think that’s why I’m thinking maybe we’re not compatible or I don’t feel chemistry. Realizing it was actually my senses being heightened. I used to attract chaos. It’s almost like I’m repulsed by his emotional support 💀 taking time to pray about it but if you have anymore advice I’ll gladly love it

[squidward]

You really put things into perspective for me. I have a great partner but started panicking when I realized I don’t feel the “butterflies” anymore, but hearing your reasons made me realize I have no reason to panic 🥰

[michelleelizabeth]

Thank you for this video. I was starting to worry I didn't love my boyfriend anymore or that he wasn't a good match for me bc I've been feeling bored and unmotivated about the relationship lately. Thank you 💖

[justingriffiths]

I can appreciate what you say here. I think this is particularly problematic for people like me who are diagnosed with ADHD. It is difficult for our brains to stick with things that are not interesting to us. Makes the first part of a relationship so fun and makes our hyperfocus turn on. But then can make it challenging when it is less interesting. I have experienced two divorces, both before I was diagnosed with ADHD. So I am learning a lot about how it was silently present with me in my relationships, and what I might do to prevent more pain from it in whatever my future holds.

[cmorris._x]

I thought I was doing something wrong but you said it’s ok to have periodic boredom in a relationship so thank you

[ChanelBreanna]

I’m so glad I’m not alone and I felt silly at first for searching on YouTube about this topic. Thank you for this!

[gladiatoranc]

Thank you so much, I've realized something about myself that I couldn't understand. I grew up traveling a lot and always being confronted to new and exited and sometimes unknown and unstable situations which was not healthy at time because I didn't learn stability as child. Lately I've felt bored with my wife who had a totally different experience, always having the same house and job. I've been projected my frustration for lack of stimulus upon her but I realized that I need to take responsibility for my feelings and not rely on her to keep me on my toes like you said.

[coldryce]

The relationship itself is not supposed to be exciting. It should make you feel wanted, loved and safe. The excitement is something you can introduce to your collective lives by doing interesting things together.

It's truly saddening to me, that most people don't see it like that.

I'd rather be alone than allow myself to become a sentient sack of shit just to satisfy someone's need for drama and chaos.

[tarantulaina_jar]

I now accepted the fact that I’m not meant for a relationship.
It just got to boring, it felt like an everyday simple routine lifestyle sure there was excitement but I just blame myself for being single so long.
After I became single I took on different paths and it’s crazy to say that I honestly like my life better knowing that everyday is really a new day, one day I might be working and the next day I might be skydiving. It’s always something.
I guess because I’ve been so long single that I’m adjusted to it?

[brimmg]

This is so good!! I have a history of crazy relationships and I finally found someone who is safe and stable, and I have been getting bored and worried I'll be super bored in the future. This is so insightful and gives me an idea of what to work on to avoid hurting him with my drama making tendencies. Thank you for making this video!

[bgallls]

I am so glad I found this video. Thank you for this!! You articulated everything so well.

Typing this to make someone feel less alone in their situation if they can relate. I met a guy on one of the dating apps a few months ago. We talked on the phone and texted for a few weeks until our schedules aligned to meet. We were both so excited to finally hang out. We are very aligned as people and felt very strongly about each other. So much so that we both deleted the dating app before meeting.

The second we met I didn’t feel this crazy amount of passion like I thought I would - especially after getting to know him through the phone. Everything was calm, steady and healthy. He was respectful, sweet, and not exactly what I had imagined.

Based on all our previous conversations I expected there to be an immediate honeymoon phase. I began to overthink everything & self sabotaged telling myself this must mean it isn’t meant to be. This caused him to hesitate in making things official bc I was being toxic. Craving the passion and ultimately the drama. I have ADHD & OCD. I obsess over certain negative thoughts and need to have the dopamine rush in order to feel like something is meant to be. We both have questioned why we’ve never had a honeymoon phase when we’ve experienced it just fine with other partners. He too has ADHD. And although he’s not toxic, he too has questioned things. Saying it feels like we’ve been together for 2 years when it’s only been 3 months.

We both have felt like there must be something missing or maybe we aren’t meant to be. But after listening to this I’m realizing that what we have is secure, comforting and ultimately very healthy and bc we are not constantly stimulated we’re questioning if this is meant to be.

[ifalpacas]

I’ve been struggling to put such feelings and understandings into words and talk about it with my partner until I saw this. So lucky to have watched your video!

[happygailsart]

This absolutely helped me! I’m so happy to know that there are healthy ways to confront these toxic patterns and ways to deal with abandonment outside of my relationship. Thank you so much!💕

[JasKhalid]

So grateful I found this video. Find My first real relationship at 30 years old where the other person genuinely wants to be with me. 3 years later I say I’m bored and it’s the healthiest relationship I’ll probably ever have. I persist in finding chaos anywhere I can find it and the closer he gets the more drama I create. It’s messed up.