BORED by Healthy Relationships: How to Heal Side-Effect of CPTSD & Early Trauma

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Adults who were traumatized as kids often have a hard time feeling "into" healthy relationships. How can you tell if the uncomfortable feeling is a trauma-related impulse you should ignore, or if your intuition is telling you to run? In this video I teach a process for discerning whether to make a serious commitment.
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[tamnomore]

I am absolutely amazed with the depth you are able to address even in the slightest manifestations of CPTSD. Most of these things would be missed by most aware survivors. Thank you for the meaningful work. It is doing wonders for my life. ❤️💙

[MostlyCloudy]

The fear of giving in is real too. Leaving yourself vulnerable is scary when your vulnerability has been trampled on since early childhood. So a good relationship suddenly leaves you with minimal reasons to be avoidant and unfulfilled. That's UNCOMFORTABLE for us. Being valued and loved is not what we're used to.

[anaphylaxis]

My current husband of 24 years and I had separate apartments in the same complex. It worked out great. We took time to get to know each other and then got married about three years after beginning to date. We both came from abusive families. Going slow is the way to go. Fix yourself before you get into a serious relationship.

[MostlyCloudy]

The struggle to feel fulfilled is so real.

[ramblingRJ]

Please, I advise everyone here not to rush into marriage or living together. If you're not ready, it will be a disaster. I made that mistake and l paid for it. I let my ex-wife rush me at warp-speed into marriage (she first mentioned it after a month). We had the wedding after only a few months of dating. I had no boundaries, and spent two years as a people pleaser. She walked out on our 2nd Anniversary. So please, take time with your relationships.

[RoadRunnergarage]

The relationship with my parents have improved since I'm not as enmeshed with them and going to their house every weekend .. space is healing...

[amy]

Fantastic advice. My wife & I had a year break (living apart) at 13 years so that we could deal with our stuff. We are back living together & now fully a solid & healthy marriage. I completely empathise with your story (enmeshment, being a emotional crush to parent, people pleasing, struggle with boundaries & being unsure). Anna is right making space, being 2 seperate people who choose to be together fully & having clear boundaries makes for a happier relationship. Good luck Sam.

[robertasmart]

After 26 years unmarried together and 2 children now adult, I stepped out to do this work. I am Sam. It's been priceless. I'm still waiting for the love to come from me, while he loves me 100% and has been totally supportive throughout.
The healing is ongoing. ❤

[karinalafayette]

I'm used to lovebombing due to childhood trauma so now I'm realizing that people who are slower to flirt and want commitment later are actually safer and potentially a better match. 😊

[fluffyMajestic]

For me, it is difficult to judge whether my partner is toxic or good for me and whether my relationship is healthy or harmful. I can't really trust my intuition. That's what makes it so difficult...

[Bealtaine]

I have done the honest with myself deep diving. The payoff at the backend was priceless and keeps on giving. I use the brutal honesty tactic on myself daily. It has changed my life, my relationships and my perspective. Thank you so much for your wisdom and clear directions.

[MichaelWVagg]

It may NOT be a lifelong relationship after the 6 months of discernment. Always remember though, you had a shot at it in your lifetime. You got close to that and considering your CPTSD and other issues, just having the opportunity, meeting a person where there is a possibility... it's a LOT to be thankful for. Yes, painful if it doesn't work out, but be grateful you met and had time with someone where so many things DID work.

[jimparker]

So much of this is intuitive and "normal" for regular folks. For those of us who are trying to avoid pain or loss, it's very unintuitive to look a gift horse in the mouth, or to pause. How many (multiple) married folk are in our ranks. How many times did I find some woman and think she was the paragon of female virtue, right up to the point I started finding some other woman more "appealing?" It's not a bad idea to go slowly, no matter how much I want to hurry

[goldalevin]

I love how you use these things as teaching moments to let us know that CPTSD isn't a permanent wound but healable. Spreading your name and challel wide and far!

[lovedbeyond]

I just took 9 months in a different house (I moved out) to decide if I wanted to keep this relationship after 2.5 years. So now at a little over 3 years, I decided to end it due to some patterns that I saw in how he relates to me. I did not feel like the patterns were going to support my needs as a cptsd person. One of the biggest was a pattern of crushing my joy. I have a hard time expressing joy to begin with and to have a partner who admitted that he was jealous of my joy was an eye opener. Now I'm dating again and trying to have fun, see and learn how people respond to my joy and my boundaries and go from there.

[deniseherud]

Hit me deep in the feels.💐 Could you do a followup vid for people like Sam’s partner? All I could think about was her reaction to the perceived abandonment of him moving out…how would she handle her own emotions of abandonment, anger, sadness, etc. She’ll need to address those issues herself living on her own too. All I could think was, uh oh she’s gonna lose her sh*t when he talks about leaving…I’ve worked with my own over-attachment issues so I know how she’s going to freak out bc I would have. Maybe a vid about how she can process this situation would help her and others? I 💗this channel so much!

[jellyrcw]

"Boundaries is how you show up in a relationship" WELL SAID

[CheyennefromTaos]

Ive made so many mistakes because I was too shut down and unknowingly felt completely unworthy of love. I had always run away out of fear. 😪 Its too late now. Im old and sick and broke. I had to move to a country where i dont speak the language and hv to lie in bed 24/7.
THX U 4 HELPING PPL WHO STILL HAVE A CHANCE TO FIND LOVE AGAIN. 💜

[Raminakai]

I totally love this advice. Sometimes the way forward is stepping back.
Especially when there are issues to straighten out and you still are committed. It doesn’t have to be the end, it can be the start of new and healthier beginning.
We seem to have this idea that we have to divorce/ leave and end relationships instead of working them out - even if it takes time and some space.
Best of wishes to Sam.

[evonne]

This is a great message. I am single a year and just starting to think of talking to people. Its a great reminder to take it all slow, and its not supposed to have drama whether 'good' or bad drama. I always give to much too fast including my time, and get into fantasy thinking right away. I need to time to allow reality to reinforce if my expectations are reality based. I recognize this and have done it for new friends, like gently reminding them I can or cannot do something they excitedly expect of me. It helps when both parties know and recognize the CPTSD symptoms and how to manage them. Thank you!