How to Support a Depressed Partner in a Meaningful Way (Without EXHAUSTING Yourself!)

Trying to support someone with depression can leave you exhausted. When you’re trying to support your depressed spouse, it can be even worse. Learning how to support a depressed partner without draining yourself is essential for a successful marriage. Helping someone with depression feels even more important when that person is your depressed husband or wife. But you are probably going about supporting your depressed spouse in entirely the wrong way.

In this video I’ll teach you exactly how to support your depressed spouse in a meaningful way. Depression in marriage can put a strain on you both, but when you learn how to support your depressed partner and yourself at th

Please Note: I have shifted the primary focus of my coaching business, in response to the needs of my clients, and am primarily helping men recover from divorce or a serious break up and rebuild themselves to get healthy, get happy and move on with confidence.

------------------------------------------------------------------
If you want to stop the pain of divorce, regain your confidence and move forward with purpose, hope and energy, then I can help.

*Free Resources*

Masterclass: HOW TO TAKE BACK CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE AFTER DIVORCE

Guide: Emotional Stages of Divorce for Men & How to Heal within Each Stage

Dating After Divorce Checklist: Are you ready to date after your divorce?

*Work with Me*

*Helpful Books for Divorced Men*
► The Full Body Presence - Gives gentle, accessible exercises for somatic processing of emotional pain and trauma

► The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression, One Small Change at a Time

► Breaking The Habit Of Being Yourself - Concrete tools and exercises for rewiring the brain and reimagining your sense of self and purpose

► Legendary - Inspiration and a powerful perspective for stepping into your potential

► The Myth Of Normal: Trauma, Illness & Healing in a Toxic Culture - Brilliant, in every way. This is an amazing resource for understanding yourself and your ex wife and finding the clarity or compassion you need to forgive.

► Lost Connections: Why You're Depressed and How to Find Help - Intense and well researched. I would recommend this book when you are past the early stages of divorce and have a stable support system in place.

I’m Rachael Sloan. I’m a divorce coach for men. I’m also a Master NLP Practitioner, a certified life coach, and the creator of Better Beyond Divorce, a unique approach to divorce recovery based specifically on the needs of men.

I help divorced men move from the shock, betrayal, grief and anger they experience both during and after a divorce, to a place of clarity, calm and confidence. In these videos, I intend to help you do the same.

DISCLAIMER: I am a Master NLP Practitioner and personal growth mentor. The material in this video represents my understanding and experience and nothing more. This content is not meant to replace professional medical advice, treatment or diagnosis. Always consult your medical provider before making any changes to your treatment.

So often when we try to help support someone with depression, we do both of us a disservice by assuming that we know what the person with depression needs. It takes courage to set aside our own agenda and truly be present with a depressed spouse.

When we assume that our partner’s depression is a problem that we must fix, it leads us into a cycle of painful and unproductive emotions. It prevents us from being curious about our partner’s experience.

Learning how to support a depressed partner means learning to listen, deeply, and to become genuinely curious about the depressed person’s map of reality. Helping someone with depression means being present with no assumptions, without taking it personally, and listening to them on a deep level.

And remember, it is not your job to be a therapist to your depressed wife or husband. It is not your job to fix them, or heal them, or change them. In this sense, marriage with mental illness is not so different from any other marriage. Your job is to enjoy loving your partner, depression or no, and to enjoy loving yourself. That’s it.

To your success!

- Rachael Sloan

[veronicalagor]

Ok, but depression is NOT a neutral experience for the partner. Having a depressed partner is a very painful, draining experience that's made worse being told you can't do anything to help.

But you're supposed to just sit there, smiling, while all the burdens of life are piled on, your partner hurls emotional abuse, you have a romantic relationship that is a black hole that consumes your very soul as long as you're in it.

[xxximmodxxx]

How can the depressed partner ever come to their non-depressed partner and express how they feel about something the non-depressed partner did that affected their depressed partner's feelings if only the individual is responsible for their emotions which are driven by their own thoughts? It would seem that a partner could just say "I'm not responsible for what you think or feel, you are." We can listen to their "Map of Reality", but are we responsible for it?

[KaylaBlack]

I don’t want to fix him or his depression I just want to support him through this so he can heal in his own time.

[krissy]

This is so helpful and yes, that's what I did and though he is not yet feeling better he still communicate and share things now with me because he felt not being judged, he felt being loved. He thought before that he was a burden to me so he pushed me away. I made him realize that I don't feel it that way. All I did was to understand, love, love, and love him and I saw changes. I invested so much on self love that's why I think I can help him more because I have so much love in myself that I can share to him. I didn't let his depression consumed me.

[homegrownstudios]

Idk what you meant by it, but imo calling the non-depressed partners feelings "emotional drama" serverly downplays that they are real, valid emotions. I was left feeling bad after watching this video. I dont believe my concerns over my partners sudden weight loss, strong suicidal ideation, and accrewing of debt because of depression constitutes as emotional drama, but are real problems that would realistically affect the both of us. Maybe this says more abt me than the actual quality of the video, as it really seems to have helped other people, but i wish there was more outward compassion towards the non-depressed partner shown in this video. As it is now, the video seemed a bit callous to the hurt the non-depressed person experiences.

[robred]

This video has really opened my mind, I have gone to my second session of therapy and now I have just been able to understand that I just have to be there for her no wonder she was pushing me away, I needed to stop looking to control everything and hear there wants and needs for once.

[bellabong]

This was a terrific video. Could you please made another video in the future giving us some examples of how we can word our questions when being present, listening and being curious to learn about their perspectives? Thank you so much.

[justinprice]

I am 19 years old I was in a 2 1/2 year relationship at 15 and eventually left because I was so depressed and I couldn’t do it anymore, I moved, met this girl who is the most amazing thing in this entire world, I can’t trust her or believe anything she says for absolutely no reason, sometimes I get mad that she doesn’t come to me with any of her problems because I’m always needing support, it’s awful. It makes me feel absolutely terrible, she is too good to me, it’s depressing that there’s a guide book on simply just how to love someone, I can only imagine how hard it is to deal with me day in and day out, she’s so bright and sunny and I just don’t want to make her forget who she is. Often why I push her away. It hurts watching videos like this and seeing all the extra steps needed just to love someone

[juliaribeiro-eh]

Thank you so much! Besides wanting to fix things, I have also been so caught up in myself, on how unloved I feel because of how distant he is. It makes me feel so guilty to put him through this while depressed. He has mentioned that I make him feel like nothing he does is enough.

[alika]

Your point about everybody experiencing the world differently is a concept I think many people need to be reminded about. It’s spoke to me because I was born blind.

[xxoPrincssNaxo]

It’s hard because my partners depression is triggering mine. But this video was very insightful thank you ! Looking more inward

[jhasselberger]

What do you do if your partners depression comes out in the form of anger, and they are verbally abusive basically mean to you. Do you just stay out of your own head and listen?

[rachels]

Thank you. I wish their were more therapists like you, that call you out when you're wrong and hold you accountable. Thank you again

[kimhonghang]

Hi Rachael, today my boyfriend break up with me because of his depression. He pushed me away. He said he can't give me happiness in my life I deserve to have someone else better then him. We been together almost 5 years. Now I feel very hurt. I love him so much, Please give me some advice what should I do?

[NimdaChayse]

My girlfriend and I have been together for roughly 6 months, but we had dated 3 years ago in high school and it’s the most raw, loving relationship I’ve ever been in. She’s clinically depressed and has been having the toughest time in her life. She wants to temporarily end our relationship while she navigates and heals, and I don’t want to obviously. She wants us to be together, but doesn’t have the emotional capability to be the girlfriend she believes I want, but I love her even now. She says she just can’t handle continuing to hurt me, but I’ve learned a lot the past couple months, and even in the last few days I’ve learned even more. I just want to help her, and she wants me to be her friend. This video has helped me incredibly. I’m trying to let go of that need to fix her, and just trying to be present. I love her so much.

[harlequin]

Thank you so much. This is the best video I've watched so far. My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years and he suddenly had depression. We were already talking about marriage but he suddenly felt not sure about me anymore and the future. It hurt so bad I just want to let go but I realised he had depression and so I'm here learning what to do. I hope you see my comment and create a video about this topic for those who are still in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I have so many questions if he will change or if the depression will never go away. I love him so much and I'm happy loving him even through this time but of course I'm still hoping for him to go back. Is it possible? Hope you can address these stuff on one of your videos. Lots of love to your channel ❤

[miepmiep]

This was the most helpful video i ever watched about this topic. Thank you. Thank you so so much. I can't even express how much the realisation this video brought me has changed my perception of my situation and how thankful I am for that

[pollydoherty]

How do I do this from afar (long distance). What kind of texts, I have been just saying I am here to listen.

[Goaway]

They wont hang out or let me come over.. be depressed but lets be together… frankly easier i think if we lived together then I can see n not have to ask!

[vivitronn]

thank you so much this changed my whole view. you helped me realize that i first wanted to help fix and make my partners depession go away because it made me have anxiety. but this has nothing to do with me and watching this made that feeling lift off of my shoulders. i now know how to proceed and that im not the one to fix this, , but to support him and be there to cheer him on as he overcomes it himself. thank you so much