How to (Actually) Help Someone Who's Depressed

It can be hard to watch someone you care about struggle with depression, especially when nothing you say seems to make a difference. Here's how to (actually) help.

Connect with us:

People who take their lives don't want to die—they just want to stop hurting.

How to help:

If you have a friend or family member that's been dealing with depression and you suddenly see an upswing in their mood, pay close attention. Signs of suicide are an abrupt sense of calm, giving gifts and personal possessions (especially valuable items or items of personal significance/sentimental value).

The most important thing you can do if you're feeling suicidal is to tell someone. These numbers are free, confidential and avail 24/7:
Call: 800-273-TALK (8255)
Text: HOME to 741741

LINKS:

Connect with us:

LINKS:

Music playlists of songs that work for brains when they're down:

Suicide:

What is depression?

[arozay]

Not trying to be morbid in the comments but I REALLY needed this, in this moment. Thank you 🙏🏾

[sarabrenna]

Jessica you are amazing thank you for this video it's really helpful. Unfortunately i tend to isolate myself a lot when i go through depressive episodes and when people (especially my girlfriend) try to reach out and help me i shut them out. I need time to process my own feelings and then i can open up, but it's hard because i'm always scared to lose people if i open up too much i'm afraid they'll leave. I understand how hard it is for the people who care about me when i act like that and i know i need to work on myself to improve.

[allykat]

That's the thing about mental illness is as much as you want to fight the battle for them you can't the only thing you can do is be there for them in anyway you can.

[piepersm]

That "Stick around, ok?" Line really got me man. It was so genuine and kind. This video is great, this channel is great, thank you.

[HowtoADHD]

Oops! We forgot to include the example of something you could say that didn't include "but" or "at least." This was the example we meant to put in:
"And...it’s easy to forget that your boss has been so patient because they like you, and your work is REALLY GOOD. You’ve been through this with them before, and as bad as it feels, you’ve always been able to talk it out. :)"

[nessii]

I know it sounds stupid but your line at the end of each video "See you guys next week/ time" is actually uplifting for me. It gives me something to look forward to, something I definitely want to experience before I end it all. So although it's just a catch phrase and we never actually *see* each other: thank you for this one line.

[viktorayy]

Really glad more and more channels are treating depression (and anxiety) with respect.

[EmmaMartinaSweden]

Dear Brains, please know that the depression is lying to you; you are NOT useless, unlovable or a burden. I promise you. Take care of yourselfs, ok? xoxo

[KaffekanAnna]

Thanks for pointing out that asking about suicidal thoughts doesn’t increase the risk, it’s something I’ll put in the back of my head on a imaginary post it (there’s a cork board there where I sometimes put things I want to remember) and hey take care of each other 💕

[lionrence]

YES! THIS! everyone should watch this video, literally every single person. I'm so tired of well intentioned people trying to talk me out of my mental / physical health issues... It's exhausting and isolating. Even health professionals fail to say helpful things...

[avab.]

I have a friend who was kinda sarcastic but kind. And later on he made a friend who was not so kind and who brought him down thinking he was worthless and that no one cared for him to the point he actually thought that. He decided to ignore all his friends and listen to the one who gave him all the negative remarks about himself. To the point 4 months passed and I was still waiting for him to come back and talk to us again but when he came back he was different. He was really depressed and thought so negative about things to the point he started losing friends. He was numb to people leaving him so he didn’t care and he expected me to leave but I didn’t. As I hung out with him more often I noticed him becoming nicer and a bit more happy which I was so grateful for. He’s still depressed and I’m still trying to help him and this video helped since I’m looking on YouTube on how to help my friend so thank you so much❤️

[annassteyn]

Knowing that I wasn't the only one who had a really tough depression week, makes all the difference.

[ssquad]

When im sad I lock myself in my room and just cry or call my bestest friend in the world, and she would come over and just hug me for like two hours and just comfort me and I whould do is when she needs it to. I'm so lucky to have a best friends who will drop what ever there doing and comfort me when I need it the most. And I hope some people will find this way of dealing with depression helpful. (I don't have serious depression but I still think of how the world would be better without me)

[rynblewis]

“Stick around, okay?” that almost made me cry omg
I don’t know if you’ll ever see this, but you and your channel mean so much to me.
I started college recently and I was having an extra hard time getting essays done; I would read paragraphs over and over without ever really knowing what they said. I was frustrated and upset all the time and I started to get really depressed. I found your channel and I realized I might have adhd.
I talked to my doctor and she prescribed me stimulant medication and my grades and focus improved drastically. Without you, I don’t think I ever would have taken that step.
I’ve introduced you to some of my friends and they’ve had the same realization that they may have adhd.
Thank you so so much for everything that you do. My life has seriously been changed for the better because of you. It means the world to me and I hope you know how important and beautiful you are to me and all of your supporters/fans. I’m glad to be a part of the tribe 💗🧠 (PS I hope you’re doing well)

[Jeromy]

This video was quite well-done. So often I see things online which shame those of us who just don't know that we're useless or harmful in our attempts to help. We need more constructive messages like this. Thank you.

[lissaajz]

OMG, you are so amazing! It’s been so hard to find info about adhd and depression at the same time. Every book or study mentions it but never gets into the thing... hearing it from you it’s like confirming I’m not alone. Thank you so much for your work! It’s really important! 🙏🏻💙

[dukekemppy]

Honestly, this right here is why i am glad to have found other brains I can connect with. Not just the video, but all the comments that go with it.

[nancywilson]

Wow, Jessica! You did an incredible job with this one!! {Edward too, editing is perfect!} Your genuine concern and gentleness come through in your voice & expressions...you managed to add your kind of quirky, make me smile from ear to ear, humor without taking away from the seriousness of your message. That is a true gift! ❤ My guess is this may become one of your most shared, most viewed videos. I know it has been a difficult time for you both, praying for you. Thank you for choosing to let your pain and experience help others by sharing. ❤😢❤

[cadencetempest]

I've been trying to explain this to people for so long. The two things that upset me most if I talk about depressed feelings are (1) advice-bombing, which usually ends with them screaming at you how you "shoot down all their suggestions" and clearly don't want to feel better/just want to bring everyone down, or (2) if you're feeling depressed because A hurt your feelings, and you go tell B (who has never even met A), B will respond by defending A and saying they're sure A didn't mean anything by it/wasn't trying to hurt you.
Both of these are bad because they ultimately turn into an argument in which you're having different conversations - you're trying to justify your pain, and they're trying to convince you they're right, and you don't need to be in pain.

[JudeeCorvina]

Thank you for this video, My friend recently keeps falling mentally, and this will really help me talk to them better without making it worse. Thank you Jessica <3