Why He Pulls Away When Everything's 'Great' (Matthew Hussey, Get The Guy)

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I'm wondering: Have you ever started dating a guy, realized he ticked a lot of your boxes (confident, smart, adventurous, well-traveled, family-loving, hot), and then got totally ahead of yourself?

You thought: "This is amazing. He's amazing. We're going to be amazing!"

Fast forward 3 weeks...

You're hanging out with your friends, waiting for a text that never comes. He didn't reply to your last message from three days ago. Why? What did you say wrong? How can you stop him from slipping away? Whhhhyyyy is this happening?

Stop.

In this video, I'll tell you why he's going cold, what to do about it, and how to break this cycle so you never repeat the same mistake in the future...

Produced by MATTHEW HUSSEY & JAMESON JORDAN
Animation by MICHELLE GARCIA

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[DalenaVo]

“If he’s not into you right now, no amount of trying is going to change that.” I felt that.

[sharonm]

Dating, the game of who can care less. It's ridiculous. I finally found someone who also understood that putting intentional time and energy in is important, and being honest and communicative is valuable. I tried the above and I hated it, because if I care, I care, and if I don't, I don't. It just takes the right person.

[peafea]

I say he loses interest you lose interest. And goodbye! Next!

[eryabolonha]

My issue with this is while detachment will make him more interested it will make me less, it takes a while for someone to grab my attention and if it's not reciprocal then I will lose interest like I will probably find someone else who I want to connect with.. A real connection one that you don't have to 'fake' so much

[howtosober]

I've stopped chasing after people entirely. If I've clearly expressed my interest in them and they pull away, I don't even bother understanding why anymore. It might be their insecure attachment style, their past traumas, their unhealed wounds. It might be that they're just busy and overwhelmed and don't know how to make space for a relationship. Or they might be playing games. But ultimately, it's everyone's individual responsibility to communicate those things, and if they can't, it's not my job to intuit for them. I spent way too much time doing all the emotional labor in relationships only to get taken for granted. What Matthew Hussey said once was right on: "I understand you have your reasons but I have my reality- and what I'm interested in is my reality." If a man pulls away from me, I assume the connection is done with and stop investing. If they come back, I usually only entertain them as an acquaintance. Trust built takes work to bring back online- and for me, doing that work with someone that already disappeared once isn't worth it.

[esthergdn]

I really love what you said: "focus on ourself, instead of focus on somebody who by the way doesn't show the same amount of interest."

[charlienonya]

The problem is that once you become an adult no one wants to be in an actual relationship anymore. They want to play games, be aloof, act like love isn't important to them. That's why once you grow up every time we talk about love we call it "puppy love" or nostalgic "first love". Because we're all so burnt we don't believe in it anymore.

[halseyxxxo]

Well I'm over him but I'm still gonna watch the video😂😂😂😂

[MissManriquez]

...but she had just come back from a trip, and she was doing something that already brought her joy, and he pulled away? I understand that having that Independence and continuing to be your own individual IS extremely attractive, but I don't believe it applied to this case...if someone wants to be with you they will!

[juliveg]

This video made it seem like her focusing on herself will automatically have him chasing her again, but that’s def not a guarantee

[chrisv]

The truth is, no matter what you're doing, if you are in love, you won't just magically stop caring or having him on your

[Allexandra]

Been there, saw that! Nothing more true.
As women, we should always have this in mind. Never put any man on a pedestal, put YOURSELF on a pedestal, and focus on you. As soon as you are not considered a prey anymore, u neglect urself for him, u crazily fall for him and give him everything, he’ll lose his interest.

[alyailithyia]

I think there is something fundamentally wrong with denying your feelings and choosing to act like you're busy and uninterested in something just to promote attraction or whatever. With my current boyfriend, I made it clear I liked him from day 1 before we even had our first date. He was the shy one and the one suppressing his feelings, but after he asked me out all bets were off. We made out on the first date and there were sparks. By the time the third date came around and he told me he loved me and wanted only me. His behaviour never indicated disinterest or red flags throughout the course of us seeing each other. He still compliments me, makes time for me, buys me random gifts, plans the future with me, etc. This was a guy who made it clear I was the one for him by the third date! For all the flaky ones or the ones acting guarded, I would've never responded or wasted my time.

[rebeccaweaver]

This is so true, the problem is when your emotionally attached it can be hard to become more aloof. Thanks for your weekly inspiration it’s always very helpful 😄

[elitzapetrova]

"Why he pulls away when everything is great?" It's very simple: he needs to mentally and emotionally grow up. If you girl want to invest time waiting him to grow up, take a try. It may worth only if he's a true Prince (William, Harry, etc). Otherwise, consider finding someone who's already grown up.

[dg]

I've also heard that when he pulls back he's reassessing his feelings. He needs the space to think it over & figure out how he feels. So do the same and let him come forward.

[EdzDayuha]

When he’s pulling away, don’t ever try to chase him. You would look desperate & needy, therefore operating on the lower vibrations of life energy which is not attractive.

[DearSybersue]

I have had men to do this to me too. Your partner should fit into your life, not be your whole life. They should be an extension to the person you already are. Romanticizing things too fast (where you are already picking out your china pattern) comes across in your texts, your voice, and your body language even if you don't think it is. Matthew is so right that being busy and "living your life" will keep them interested because you are interesting!

[FynePrntWilliamsMUSC]

That's pretty much what I've always told women who've asked for my help. I was raised by a single mother and I have 4 older sisters. Told them just be yourself, and continue living your life because it makes you more interesting.

[bismamunawar]

Can we talk about the fact that whenever he wants, he can go and whenever he wants, he can come. REALLYYY?