Guilt vs. Shame | Psych in 60

I often ask my clients to describe the difference between guilt and shame. They usually tell me that they believe they are on in the same.

It is important to note that they're not!

Research has shown that one of the emotions, guilt, is considered a healthy emotion as it is motivating, it drives us towards bettering ourselves, repairing relationships, and connection with others.

The other, shame, is never good for us. Shame feels defeating, as if we are drowning in our inadequacies, and drives us into isolation.

Think of guilt as "I did something bad," shame as "I am bad."

Guilt says "I did something stupid," where shame states "I am stupid."

When we experience guilt, we recognize that a mistake was made and change needs to occur, but we can recognize that as separate from who we are at our core.

If we have crossed the line into experiencing shame, our missteps have now become an aspect of our character, sending the message that change cannot occur and we are inherently bad, or stupid, or worse, are unlovable, unworthy, or unredeemable.

We can move out of the shadow of shame and that is through being vulnerable and connected with others.

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