Dying & narcissism

[debbiecallow]

My son passed age 25 from colon cancer 18 months ago. He was incredibly caring and was a magnet for people with troubles. 2 weeks before he passed he was worrying about the old lady opposite as she had anxiety so he gave her his hospital radio to comfort her as she didn't like the quite. He went in her room to make conversation too to help her cope. He also made teas for patients when he could too. Miss my son so much. Heart mashed forever.😢😢😢

[kathygreer]

My sainted grandmother once said, “People don’t get grumpy because they get old, they just become more of who they really are.” Same principle.

[jclarksone]

My brother passed away earlier this year. A few days before he passed, I visited him in the hospital and as I went to leave, he said to me, “be safe, please”. I was told later his only concern was if I made it home safe until someone heard from me. In my experience, this was who he was to his core- someone caring, always worried about the people he loved. When he passed and we went in to sit with his body, I was the last to leave. On my way out, I turned back and said, “be safe, please”. I miss him terribly, but I was so blessed to know him and even more so to call him my brother.

[pamant-]

When my father was dying and in the later stages of dementia, the hospice nurse was struggling with getting the pulse oxometer on his finger. He hadn't spoken for weeks but somehow he managed to say to the nurse, "you're doing a good job" THIS was my dad, always giving encouragement. Both me and the nurse teared up.

[jhanvieth]

I'm going to throw a happy note in here❤ my husband passed quietly and kindly just as he lived.

[Jarv]

My dad was smiling and cracking jokes right till end, he never cried and never showed any fear. Absolute legend.

[leianehiltz]

Yup, my father's last words were "why can't you do anything right?". Whatever closure I had ever been looking for in his later years died that day. He wailed it at me and caught me totally on my heels, long past when I thought I had ceased any expectations of him. It all came flooding back to being 13 again and hearing that. The weight of a father who was most apt to say "you won't be able to do that" to any challenge I set before myself. I never had children because of that man. A subconscious anticipation of failure. The damage some parent can do without thought.

[ellaalston]

My son passed away peacefully....when he realize that his cancer was terminal he said that he is in God hands now. He left this world with the Grace and Mercy of God....a lot of love. I miss him dearly. I love you my son.❤️🙏😥

[zenorbit]

Note to self: become a better person before I get old. I mean, this is actually a very legitimate motivation to work on myself.

[beingstudiouslyaloof]

My dad died two years ago at 81 strong years old. Two years before he had begun severe symptoms of Parkinson's and dementia.
The most touching story occurred when the nurse was trying to get him into his hospital bed as his organs were shutting down one by one.
He was actively dying.
The nurse said George it's ok, just get in bed and we'll give you fluids to make you feel better.
They got the hospital gown on him. Right before he got in the bed, he stopped and said "No. I'm not going to get in this bed. "
"George, " the nurse sighed, "just lets get you settled before the doctor comes. "
He looked back at the nurse and said "But who's going to take care of my girls?"

I was 50 and my sister was 58.

[sillycookie]

When my sister was passing, she finally stopped being a people please and WOW. I loved it! Finally she had a voice. Sadly it was of cancer at the age of 39 while leaving behind 6 kids. Those last five days in hospice with her all day every day I will actually cherish forever. Shealso was hilarious. Never knew how funny and witty her mind really was

[vancamerawoman]

My mum died at 46 as she lived. Kind to everyone and more concerned for their well being than her own.
Her funeral was attended by Drs, surgeons and nurses.
She was much loved ❤

[pavla]

I was my covert narc mother's scapegoat . When she was dying of lung/bone cancer I was ordered by my father to 'get over there and take care of her' . I preserved what was left of my own fragile mental health and declined doing so . One of my best decisions .

[marthamullinax]

So so true. My dad was an alcoholic and I raised him. He raised me to cook and clean up after him and to pretty much be his maid. When I was 16 he was diagnosed with cancer. He was angry and hit me almost daily. He took me to drop out of school so I could be with him around the clock. I went in to check on him and he was asleep. He woke up and pulled a gun and shot at me. Finally a nurse came in to help and he would tell her to push him to his closet and call me in. She ask him why and he told her I had no one left to care for me so he needed to kill me. Then a nurse started to come around the clock. I was relieved when he died. It was over and I feel guilt because I was relieved.

[LetsGetYourShiftTogether]

This is so true. When my narcissistic mother was actively dying in hospice, no energy to drink, talk, eat, looked past people, etc., she still managed to give me the “death glare”. That look of utter disgust and hatred anyone who has dealt with a narcissist will know. The hospice nurse was right beside me when this happened and she said “wow so is that what you grew up with your whole life?” I said yes and she said she understood why I was estranged from her.

[charleneevans]

My Dad was always a joker in public. Up until his last moments he was joking with the nurses making it easier on them. She asked what he wanted to drink with his meds and he said, Do you have any Milwaukee? His favorite beer. He also told my Mom her loved her and would always love her. He has the most peaceful passing. Before I left I bent down and told him not to worry we would take good care of Mom.

[Brandon-nrfn]

My grandma died an angel. The room over filling with people who absolutely would not be together or even exist without her. She was scared, but she was so brave. I took her hand, reminded her how important she was, and to look at the world she created for us. The doctors said she would die that night, but she was waiting for her adopted son, troy, to come from Argentina. She adopted him after one of my aunt and uncles got on drugs. Troy is the most successful one in my family. When he arrived, he was smiling so big i could not understand. She waited to die, she held on for three days until troy came. When he got there, everyone left the room so they could talk. Five minutes later troy walked out and said shes gone, but its ok everybody, its really ok. He told me that right before she died, she looked up, sat up, and said "omg hes said she saw jesus himself, standing with my dead grandpa, with arms extended. Troy was shook

[JuviaLockser]

My grandpa died a year ago from Alzheimer’s. This is definitely true for him. He was always the sweetest most loving soul. He was also the smartest man I’ve ever known, but so incredibly humble. Even as he was at his end, he was so sweet and loving.

A couple years ago, even though he had forgotten who I was, he said to me, “I don’t know you, but I know I love you so much.” I felt the love in my soul.

I miss him. But watching your videos, as well as another hospice nurse on YouTube, helped me so much to mentally prepare for his passing.

I don’t know you, but I love you.

[joygernautm]

Nurse here. Worked in many areas of healthcare in my career. This is absolutely true. Often, when someone is dying alone in their older years and nobody in the family is answering the phone calls or coming to sit vigil? There’s a good reason. I learned pretty early on not to judge the families who don’t come.

[irisblue]

My grandma used to say that people "distilled" as they get older and become more concentrated versions of themselves.