What is a Bad Death?!

[NotIfWhen]

I am an in home aide. People who deny their elderly parents pain meds because of “addiction”drive me crazy. They are 98 and dying. I think it is so cruel.

[juliannacalifornia]

Morphine! Chocolate! Whiskey Sours! Bring it on - its not like you have to watch addiction or getting fat. Be comfy, be happy, pass peacefully!!

[zelmalang]

I was a hospice chaplain, and I have made it clear to my family that when it’s my time, just give me the good stuff to make me comfortable. We had patients and their families who did not want morphine because they were afraid they would become addicted. It was a tough sell to make them understand that they won’t get addicted and that heck they were dying so these meds are a blessing from God. Your medical team can only help if you let them.

[HellaJ]

I appreciate you so much. I currently have two terminal illnesses, and I am on Paliative. However, I know hospice is in my future. Your videos are helping me accept this, and not be so afraid of the process. I’m not afraid of death/beyond, but the process terrifies me. Your willingness to speak out and do these videos is helping me accept the inevitable and curb my fears… Still afraid, but not as much so. God bless you.

[sistakia]

I only have one request when my time is near:

Do NOT allow anyone to deny me drugs to wake me up so they can say goodbye! If my friends/family haven't said it all by the time I am at the end then I trust them to continue keeping their thoughts to themselves! My death is NOT the time for me to care if YOU feel better! Please don't make me have to use the last of my strength to take you with me!

[andyznuff]

I am a recovering alcoholic and addict. 27 years clean and sober. However, if I ever have to go into Hospice, I fully expect every pain med possible to not so much make me comfortable, but to not make me die in agony.
Bring on the good stuff to help me go out peacefully.

[sarastevens]

My mother died a horrible death. First, she refused to accept that she was dying. Mom never told us she had a terminal disease even when it became apparent. Second, because of her anger it was difficult to be around her. She lashed out at everybody, especially me even though I was there to take care of her. Her final hours were traumatic for everyone. I was there the day she died. She was in excruciating pain, in the ER, refused medication and died screaming “No, No, No!!” My PTSD from prior trauma was triggered and even though it was 14 years ago there is not a day that goes by that it is not at the back of my mind.
My dad was an entirely different story. When face with the inevitable he went into a hospice (the first one in the country) and went peacefully with me and my sibs around. During his brief time there his friends came to visit and reminisce and drink coffee. Dad loved coffee. It is coming up on a year, and even though people look at me funny when I say he died a beautiful death, it was so. I am so indebted to the nurses and staff at CT hospice. They still check on me almost a year later.

[hiperson]

I lost my 91 year old father two weeks ago. He was in hospice and everything was done his way. The respect and love he was shown was amazing. I was with him for the last few breaths. I will always feel honored that I was there. He accepted the morphine and his passing was peaceful. He will always be my hero, in life and in death. Your videos have given me knowledge and comfort over the last month. Thank you and God bless.

[starcatcher]

This hit home. My boyfriend just passed away from colon cancer recently. He refused allopathic treatment. None if the holistic stuff worked. He did say yes to pain meds. If he hadn't I cannot imagine the suffering. Hospice and pain meds are a blessing.

[pettytoni]

I hope he was in a location where no other patients had to be subjected (yes, subjected) to his agonizing cries. That would be traumatizing and very unfair to anyone who couldn't just walk away.

[kravenmoorehead]

My girlfriend's mom was 92 at death and lived alone. As she died, she refused Morphine or any pain medication. She was a devout Catholic and said that Jesus suffered so for her, so she would also suffer. Tough as nails and faced her death like a trooper. She was, and is still very much missed.

[toynazi]

After an almost twenty year battle with cancer my mom past on the 10th of May.
We had hospice come in daily but we didn't want to move her and take a risk of her passing in transit.
She had been staying at my sisters house due to the floor layout having only one floor.
Before her last stay at the hospital she lived with me for the past four years.
But due to me living in a townhouse and having steep stairs we knew that was no longer an option.
Her three kids which included me as her son made it clear from early on that no more pain of any kind was what we wanted for her. She agreed. Her fight was over.
Given weeks to live from results of last scan. It was spreading very rapidly everywhere.
On May 9th she was bed ridden and her body started to shut down.
It was a slow process but she was in zero pain.
Us kids took turns placing the liquid morphine into her mouth and she was surrounded by her kids the whole time. The house overfilled with love and very little sorrow at the time.
Her pastor even came to visit her along with a few very close friends.
She was very loved at her church and most knew the battle she was in.
We had her service at the church that she loved till the very last day on earth.
So many people came to celebrate her life it was almost unreal.
The hospice staff who visited were SO great and very understanding.
They informed us in every detail what to expect and we insisted they ate with us while there.
Rest in peace Mom.

[cak]

My father died in a hospice and the meds he had were a blessing. He was in so much pain from cancer. The only big regret I have is that I wish the dr’s had told me that once they administered the level of morphine he needed to manage his pain he would never regain consciousness again. So I didn’t get to say goodbye to him when he was awake. I do not regret for one second that they made him comfortable and ended the pain.

[Lee-rgyn]

omg! so sorry for him and you. If I get to that point, bring on the meds!!! I am a 60 year old recovering alcholic, but I understand that meds are sometimes very necessary in the end of life. Grateful that hospice exists. My Mom and Dad both had hospice. The hospice is so fabulous, and even after my Mom passed the hospice nurse would check on me frequently. Such a blessing! Congrats on 7 years sober too!!!!

[ACdownURnext]

Had a brain tumor tennis ball sized. Survived 18 days ICU post resection, 4 years later, had to learn to walk, write, vision permanently affected. New opportunity at life, grateful for every second. I am thankful for my suffering, for my anguish, for my despair. I finally have, after 45 years, found life. I helped my father, ease out, hematoma. Forgive your pain, conflict and loss. Be kind to others who live in pain that you cannot imagine, love them with the kindness that others cannot stomach.

[olderthandadirt]

To try to find a positive in a bad situation, his friends were there. I worked as a Personal Support Worker and many clients tell me friends disappear over a long illness especially if they are young and have busy lives of their own. He was loved.

[sari]

My dad just passed away Feb 15th. He was on hospice for 8 days. In that time I was torn about medicating my dad at regular intervals with morphine and Ativan. I was doing it but trying to space it out. I was sleeping on an air mattress at his condo and had set my alarm for 3 am to medicate him. I didn’t wake up until an hr later and I saw exactly what happens when someone who is dying isn’t medicated. He got very combative, swung his legs over the side rail trying to get up, and with the lung cancer he was struggling for air. The hospice nurse was wonderful when I contacted them in the middle of the night and we agreed on a set schedule. I finally came to the realization that if my dad knew I had access to those meds and DIDNT give them to him, he would be so pissed at me. From that time til my dad’s death he was resting very comfortable and surrounded by family ❤️

[sumdumguy]

He went out on his own terms. Respect.

[wordswritteninred]

I can understand not wanting to take something you feel is bad for you, and may harm your health. But if you are on your deathbed, what is there to lose?

[lorigraham]

Had a similar thing happen. The patient dying of cancer seemed to think she was supposed to suffer. She wouldn't talk about it and refused all pain meds. All meds actually. She did suffer, but unfortunately so did the family. Boy, that is hard to watch when you know it could be different.