Attachment Theory - The Adult and the Inner Child - Episode 3 -

The Adult and the Inner Child - Episode 3 - ATTACHMENT

Inner child work, when done well, can fix many attachment wounds. If these kids have a safe home base for once, things change for the better.

THE TWO BOOKS ABOUT INNER CHILD WORK:

-MARGARET PAUL - INNER BONDING

-LUCIA CAPPACHIONE - RECOVERY OF YOUR INNER CHILD

Chapters:
0:00 Intro
1:53 Four Major Attachment Styles
2:34 Secure
3:09 Anxious Preoccupied
3:57 Dismissive Avoidant
4:41 Fearful Avoidant
5:50 Side Notes...
7:13 Info-graphic Chart
9:20 Anxious Preoccupied Chart
11:39 Dismissive Avoidant Chart
14:09 Fearful Avoidant Chart
17:15 Final Thoughts
18:40 Connect With Me
18:52 Outro

Learn more about Patrick Teahan,
Childhood Trauma Resources and Offerings

⚠️ Disclaimer

My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client or physician or quasi-physician relationship.

If you are, or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.

If you are having emotional distress, please utilize 911 or the National Suicide Hotline
1-800-273-8255

[aislingobrien]

I’m going to make a point of commenting on each one of your videos, even if I have nothing relevant to say other than, yet again, “this is amazing” because it helps in YouTube land, and so is the least anyone can do. This information, presented so clearly and accessibly, is priceless. I’m feeling blessed to have found your channel. Thanks so much for all of your work, your compassion, dedication, and your incredible communication skills. This channel has it all. 🙌

[toughenupfluffy]

I found that the battery in my car is dead this morning. I don't have any way to jump start it without help from my neighbors, whom I don't even know due to my self isolation. I got angry AF, but sitting here and watching your inner child vids has made me realize I'm reacting and not being adult about it. I'm no longer angry, and I think I can now find a solution: I can ask a neighbor if they have jumper cables. Thanks, Patrick!

[JW-pbfg]

Ha ha ha! Little Jill has the same taste in toys as does Little Patrick! I have that same bear and it comes with a story about big Jill and little Jill working together. ❤ Here’s the story:

Little Jill was very unhappy one day and she was trying to throw a tantrum and stood in the way of things I needed to accomplish that day. I got it that she was screaming for attention so we sat down and had a heart-to-heart.

“I never have any fun!” she cried. “I don’t even have any toys that I like!” 🤬

Big Jill listened attentively and sympathetically. Big Jill knew that little Jill was right. (I tend to be very goal oriented and I can even identify as a workaholic if I’m not careful… no fun for a child…my child.)

So big Jill asked what we could do right now to feel better and have a little fun.

“I want a present, a new toy!”

So we headed off to Amazon. We already have several stuffed animals but that’s okay. Little Jill used to experience peace and even a kind of gentle friendship with the stuffed animals she had growing up in a violent alcoholic home. The “animals” took the edge off the intense loneliness and fear of living in that situation.

Anyway…

We were both drawn to the bear shown here beside Patric BUT it came in 2 different colors and little Jill preferred the grey version and big Jill preferred the brown version as shown here. Truth be known, big Jill wanted the brown bear merely because it fits into the decorative color scheme of my home…

“Sheesh, ” I thought, “am I going to override what little Jill prefers for such a m shallow reason? And by the way, THIS TOY IS FOR LITTLE JILL, NOT DECORATOR BIG JILL!”

We got the grey version of the bear that little Jill wanted and she was thrilled!!!

“What will you name him?” I asked.

“Gravy! Because he’s grey!”

For the next two weeks Gravy was our constant companion but I admit that I snuck back to Amazon and got the brown version of the bear too 😊.

His name is Brownie and he sits beside me at my computer…

Now I ask you…WHO IS THE REAL CHILD HERE??!! 😄❤️

[meismeems]

I feel like I'm avoidant of romantic relationships in general because I have anxiety when I'm in them, always waiting for them to discover how flawed I am and leave. I also judge them for being with me, like what's wrong with them that they are with me.... Can't get past that feeling.

[deadislander]

Im securely attached now and it's really nice. It took a fair bit of cleaning up to get here though, a lot of mistakes

[christinedlgRGV]

“You have to love yourself” — OMG. I have said the same thing so many times about how cliché it has become and honestly rather harmful too — because learning to love yourself, truthfully requires some deep healing and that work can break you down before it sets you free.

I’m so incredibly grateful to you and for you, Patrick. 🌸🦋

[gracelee]

I'm 40 years old, divorced and have just very recently through your videos been able to identify the root cause of my present struggles with my relationships and work. Through your videos I found the clarity to be able to set firm boundaries with my toxic parents and cut off communication with them. I moved out into my own home, and I can focus on being fully present and being a loving parent to my small child without living in a heightened state of vigilance/triggeredness with my parents around. Everyday I feel more empowered and enjoy the space and freedom I have to work on my healing. For the first time in my life I will not be seeing them this holiday, which is something I should have done years and years ago. Thank you for these videos Patrick

[tbeansd]

I have to say. I have learnt more with watching your videos than I have from my counselling, c.b.t and p.t.s.d sessions on underwent i feel the way I feel and that I'm not over sensitive, over emotional . Thank you.

[ashanein]

Even little things like Patrick saying "your amazing inner child" is so impactful and healing. I always feel seen in your videos. Thank you for that

[Bgonias]

This was really helpful, thank you!

As a child, I looked up to a dismissive avoidant personality as this impenetrable fortress of calm. As a young adult, I was ashamed that I wasn’t as “relaxed” as this individual. Later, I began to internally question whether this was truly a serene individual or a checked out person. Dismissive Avoidant is the perfect description of them.

[KitKat__love]

Thank you as always for what you’re doing, Patrick. *I look forward to you being seen by millions.* Dismissive-avoidant here, it’s come on me over the years but I am in therapy and a breakdown forced me to crack open and realise that a healthy partner makes life better, and suppressing emotion is NOT strength! Vulnerability is also so linked to creativity. 🌸

[likesredwoodtrees]

The attachment style I learned growing up was dismissive-avoidant. After I started therapy, the safety and trust part was really hard. Then I became fearful-avoidant in relationship to my therapist. I was using one hand to motion her nearer, while holding my other hand out to stop her from coming closer. Emotional intimacy was really scary for many years. And I didn't know that I was projecting my childhood experience and trauma and criticism from my parents onto my therapist. A good and safe therapist makes a big difference, even if it's difficult to see progress at times, because of the years of work it takes.

[Starpotion]

It's really refreshing seeing you challenge and break down a lot of the platitudes and cliches people often repeat in recovery culture. It really helps get to the root of the problem for each individual, rather than adopting the "one size fits all" mentality that people often chase when addressing trauma.

[brittanysmith]

I'm more of a fearful-avoidant attachment style and I can see the chaos in my relationships, some of which I create... definitely inwardly. I have avoided relationships especially close ones for quite some time. I have a fear of hurting people so I want to give them distance. I realize I feel more anxiety in some situations rather than others. I'm trying to engage in relationships that I naturally feel calmer in as I heal.

[bethsmith]

Wow, I have watched many videos pertaining to attachment theory/styles, and again, your video far and away surpassed the others in scope, conceptual/communicative clarity, and visual clarity. I really appreciated your use of the 4 quadrant infographic to elucidate a more complex construct. Your succinct explanation of each attachment style, along with their corresponding info. (without wandering off into "the weeds"), really gives the viewer a strong foundation from which to begin a journey of understanding and, possibly, implementing this information into their own path toward health and recovery.

I continue to be so grateful for your channel, for your approach to your channel, and I am going to ask my own therapist (not a trauma therapist, but still awesome) to watch this video so that we may begin delving into this type of awareness and a hopeful movement forward. Thank you, your explanations are incredible!

[Chaitogether]

I've been all of the styles in my journey.

[licencetochill]

Good one 👍
I could see myself being like some of those avoiding styles.
- feel like have grown and matured.
- my mom didn't teach me anything about self-love or listening to my own feelings. Just listening to what she wanted in life or in situations

[yoshilover]

I'm fearful avoidant

The three suggested reparenting steps are super helpful. I disengage to avoid acting out, but I never had a step 2 after disengaging. Focusing on my emotional sobriety will be a new goal of mine.

[bonbon]

16:58 I can relate so much to your statement about trying to self-regulate through upset and conflict. I am normally conflict avoidant, but when I am really triggered or fearful, it almost feels like I can’t move through those emotions without a difficult, indirect, frustrating conversation with my partner. He tries to understand and reach me, but I am unreachable until I have pushed and pulled and gone through this really exhausting cycle during the conversation. I finally come around and return to that part of myself that is kind and open to connecting, but the journey to get there, especially when I am really depleted and triggered, is so hard on my partner and me. I have gotten better at not engaging in this pattern, but it is still a work in progress. I love your videos and appreciate all you do. Thank you.

[marlenaeva]

Thank you; because of your videos, I start to recover from the anxiety of c-PTSD. I have practiced dialoguing with inner child during an anxiety attack and it was great; we calmed down. Feeling much better now. I hope you know you're doing important work in the world.