Narcissistic Abuse: 21 Signs You’ve Recovered, Healed, Moved On

No disparaging introjects traceable back to him (incl. flying monkeys)

No ego dystony or hesitancy in decision-making

Ability to trust restored

No doubting your judgment

Independent reality testing restored (no cognitive distortions)

Sense of agency and self-efficacy restored

Autonomous motivation

No catastrophizing (imminent doom)

No anticipatory anxiety

No addictive cravings or sentimental nostalgia coupled with separation insecurity (abandonment anxiety)

No seeking of same type partner (from narcissistic to anaclitic mate selection)

No maternal or parental impulses (no narcissistic transferences)

No “us”, only “you” (no merger or fusion in a shared fantasy as well as intact boundaries, no enmeshment or engulfment)

No attempts to mind read

No self-sacrificial, people pleasing impulses (no emotional blackmail)

No infantile defenses

No self-idealization or self-devaluation, just realistic introspection and self-awareness

Restored functioning: social, workplace, as a parent, empathy

No emoting by proxy (crying in a movie)

No trust aversion or dread of intimacy

No victimhood stance – assuming personal responsibility

[adambutler]

Perfection is a direction not a destination.

[chrissyuy]

So true…

“If a narcissist wants your opinion, he’ll give it to you.”

[roxymovie]

1. No voices (introjects) of harsh inner critics anymore
2. No self-loathing, no doubts etc.
     You are happy with your decisions
3. You have the ability to trust (again)
4. You no longer doubt your judgement; You are congruent with your opinions; This is supporting your authenticity.
5. You are able to see the world directly
6. Your sense of agency has been restored; You are the one, who is directing your life, which feels good
7. You have an autonomous motivation and act for your own goals, reasons etc.because it feels good
8. No more feelings of doom, not expecting the worst anymore but believing in the good. You have taken your life back.
9. Getting rid of generalized anxiety
10. You feel confident and start interacting with people (again)
11. In an intimate relationship you do not behave like a parent but like a mature adult, a grown-up.
12. No more "us against the world",
       no cult, no splitting (very sick) but a relationship where you both have  the safety to become more of your potential.
13. Not reading your partner's mind
       because your own needs are
       important.
14. No people pleasing (anymore) because nobody has the right to demand anything from you.
You are freely sharing your emotions,   services, goods with others.
15. You regained your empathy and you are socially active.
16. Your beliefs, values etc. are stable.
17. You do not have infantile defense mechanisms anymore.
18. You regained to experience emotions in a direct way.
19. You are seeking intimacy and you are not afraid showing vulnerabilities.
20. You are not a victim (anymore).
21. You are proud of your identity,
       which is who you are.

Shalom Prof. Vaknin and thank you for your insightful education 👏👏👏
This quote of who you are related to identity I liked most, "A smile that lights up the room." 🌞

[elianecgarcia]

Thank you Sam Vaknim. I even cried at the end of this video. I smiled widely and he hated it. I haven't laughed out loud yet, but I'll laugh again like I did before I met the idiot.
And the funny thing is that I became a "bullfighter" and I must have a red cloth because I attract narcissists, I can already identify it in the "hello" and say "Olé" 😂
Kiss and a beautiful smile for you.

[Mjones]

She sent me a text wishing me a happy 4th after nothing on Father's Day or my birthday. Looked at it and laughed...I'm good!

[ckl]

I am a proud, strong and resilient survivor 🎉❤

[ALSTCM]

Congratulations, Prof. Sam Vaknin! I’m so grateful for you and all of your work. Binge watching your videos has been the only way to keep me on track and helped me break the shared fantasy. It feels like you’re speaking to me and my exact experience. I’m forever grateful for the brilliant way that you help us make sense of the seemingly senseless. 🙏🏼

[ljw]

Congratulations on the .001 % Dr. Sam! I’m so impressed and grateful for all your hard work!

[NiiTaharqa]

Survivors of narcissism, not victims of narcissism. Great point Professor, great session today and everyday

[suslynn]

And thank you for the last Point, the icing on the cake…victimhood! “I’m an empath, I’m a (even worse!) SUPER empath.” NO, I am not! I am a beautiful and complicated human being, who made bad choices, and with MY OWN character defects to learn from!
I

[ckl]

Adults contract freely and exchange emotions freely 😊

[ckl]

“Show the narcissist two middle fingers” 😂

[hopealivealways]

I will always tell anyone who cares to listen; "be very careful with therapists." Be ready to WALK-AWAY! Whenever therapy becomes more damaging to you walk away and keep searching until you find safe and satisfactory therapy experiences. Be very discerning of their own behaviour and interests. Keep your expectations reasonable. Understand they're human too.
And one day you'll find a wonderful therapist because they do exist. Continue doing your personal work in the meantime and don't let bad therapy experiences put an end to any progress. I wish everyone only the best as we journey through healing.


Congrats Prof and may you continue soaring!

[carolinekamya]

new years day is the perfect day to watch this - almost 10 years no contact with narc mother - healing up well - good check list -

[anne-marietracey]

Professor Vaknin. You have without doubt saved my sanity, my soul and my life. Your work gives incredible support and teaching to people who have suffered narcissistic abuse. Thank you thank you thank you 🙏☺️x

[aliciaserrano]

This video is very empowering. I feel the healing happening within me. It feels like I’m crawling out of a dark cave. These steps are very helpful when it seems like all joy is gone.

[succulentlife]

Congrats Sam!! That is such a great accomplishment and I can see why you made it. Your work is invaluable and made the difference in my healing. I know everyone says get therapy, but I did a couple months of weekly therapy while I was still in "the grip" and it did little to nothing. I needed much deeper education given to me verses just trying to talk myself through understanding the brainwashing. I felt I was such a strong person and that's the feedback I got from friend, so could not wrap my head around why and how I could end up in the same spot as people I thought I'd previously tried to help. Not only did your work get me out, but guided me through healing, and changed everything about my approach to guiding others. I'm no longer in my profession (intensive parole type agent) but an entrepreneur and love my life. Thank you!

[elitecahinyabishop]

Thank you so very much, Professor Sam

[patriciajoseph]

Thank you for this one. It is indeed possible to go from surviving to thriving. So many others make it sound like you're broken beyond repair after narcissistic abuse. Well done once again Professor!

[daleg]

Thank you Sam, for this re-affirming, supportive video. Therapy and no-contact along with these presentations have given me tremendous freedom. Mine was birth- family programming as scapegoat and took a lifetime to get past. I am 66, and although the loss of family can still leave me sad, I know how much better life is now without them. It is the difference between a torturous life sentence in a dark, dank cell vs standing on a breezy sunlit beach. Many blessings to you for your great contributions.