YOU ARE NOT STUCK (Solutions for difficult elderly parents)

If you're caring for a parent or family member, then you know the problems that family caregivers face! You may have difficult elderly parents, or a mother who is never happy. You might be dealing with difficult dementia behaviors or have someone who is fully dependent on you for care. No matter your situation, I'm sure there are problems, since they seem to go with the territory of caregiving! But you don't need to look in a hundred places for solutions for difficult elderly parent problems, because there are only 3 solutions to any caregiver problem. Yes, only 3 ways to deal with any aging parent problem that you might have!
In this video I'll discuss how to simplify the problems that you're having with your parent and caregiving role so that you can clarify the direction that you need to go in order to solve the problem.

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#SeniorCare #FamilyCaregiver #ElderCare #Dementia

[SofiaAmirpoor]

Simplify things....there are only 3 solutions to every one of the problems that you face as a caregiver!
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[mackiemouse]

Taking care of 1 year old, 4 year old, elder grandparent in law, husband, house chores, meals, garden, there is so so much. I am scared that I won’t have enough to give.

[sheshickey]

Sofia, this resonated with me and I have now printed those words to post on a bulletin board and to keep in my wallet for frequent reference. You helped me today.

[lezliemaret]

I’m in the thick of things with my 94 y/o mom. She’s gone from the hospital to rehab. Next step is assisted living. Trying to find an affordable facility is a huge task. Can you do a video for caregivers on how to simplify the process and what questions to ask? One another note- I find your videos so helpful. Keep up the great work!

[helenaroman]

What if your parent refuses every possible suggestion? “I’m not ready” she says to EVERYTHING.

[leaortiz]

My mom thinks it’s our responsibility to be there for her 24/7 I work from home and she thinks I don’t do anything

[doloyoulo]

I need help my uncle suffered a stroke and I moved in with my two kids to help him but why do I feel like a slave? He can slowly get around but when he sees me automatically he tells me he wants this or needs that... I do it for him but he still ask for more thats not important I feel he just wants to control me and gets satisfaction in doing so while his adult son sits around and only worries about his dog... I'm stuck and very stressed. I agreed to help him out but at the same time my energy is being drained. Especially I don't get paid to help just living rent and utilities free... But helping him ughh

[Gravyballs]

While I was cleaning her bathroom, she went to mine to use the toilet, making another mess. I feel emotionally overwhelmed. Thought I was doing a good thing and the problem has doubled. Siblings live too far away so responsibility falls to me.

[peggy]

Thank you for sharing it’s nice to know care givers are not alone and when things get overwhelming there is support 😊

[Melodie]

You have a great channel and such a nice voice.

[nealiecruz]

Here’s my caregiving problem.
My mother sees herself as young and vibrant, when she’s not. She’s 73 and wants to move near me. She is looking to buy a small home. She doesn’t rule out having stairs in her new home as she thinks they will not be a problem. They will be a problem as she has a hard time walking. She also is single and will not give anyone power of attorney, she won’t fill out medical directives or give me and husband any trust with her checkbook or finances. I don’t know where this paranoia comes from. My husband and I have never taken anything from her nor have we ever asked her for anything. If she ever becomes incapacitated our hands will be tied and we won’t be able to help her properly. She is under the impression that nothing will ever happen to her.

[xanderful]

My mom & I have conflicting priorities. She wants to stand on her feet every night & cook for us, which takes too long & causes pain in her legs. I want us to go out to eat, which we can afford, & save her the stress. And she gets mad at me for it!

[joybaal]

I had to give up and accept it😢 I am 75yr old and Thx God I understood Dementia 😢

[IloveHamlet]

Hi Sofia, I think I need your advice- it's about my dad whom I live with and somewhat care for with my younger sister since my mom died a few years ago. He has a gf who is 10 years his senior so she is only around 80 but acts 100 or older and my dad has been acting older too since he met her. She is an incredibly difficult and negative person and I think makes him feel old or wants him to be old like her. Dad started saying things old people say whenever he doesn't get his way- like "you'll think differently after I'm dead, " and "I won't be around forever, " and tells morbid or bad jokes to us and even strangers. He doesn't really like to go out and do anything too far from the house. He spends all his time arguing with his gf or solving her never ending string of problems over the phone or at her house when he visits (one of the few times he goes out) and argues with her almost every day, which puts him in a foul mood and he takes it out on us verbally. He is a control freak. He expects me to serve him like my late mother used to- he was a doctor and she was a house wife, so she would cook and clean and even pick out his clothes. He is slighted and throws a hissy fit when I don't jump up and ask how I can help him He says an infant doesn't need to ask for help "not that I'm an infant, it's just an analogy" when I tell him he needs to ask me verbally for something because I'm not a mind reader, but he insists I should ask him if I can help rather than him ask me for help when he wants it. Now when I'm at the office and come home after a long day he tells me to cook/buy dinner and serve/clean up after him. Getting him to do anything for me like helping with dishes is a challenge, and I always have to act like he is doing me a huge favor. He has this "King of the Castle" mentality. Other than his personality, he has his own health/physical problems. He told me he is having trouble sleeping but won't talk to me about why. I suspect it's money troubles as we have another very expensive summer house we barely use and he is terrible with money, but he won't let me help set up a payment plan because it is too stressful to deal with. He won't tell me what needs to be paid or let me hire a financial planner, talk to his accountant, or take him to talk to his lawyer. Everything is too stressful to talk about for him and he only wants to talk about stuff like dinosaurs or WW2 or anything that has nothing to do with his own life. He also drinks scotch every day and I don't know how to get him to cut back. I think he drinks to manage stress and he starts in the morning or afternoon. Sometimes he gets drunk when he argues with his gf. Physically he is strong since he was a gymnast in his youth, but he hurt his leg a few years back, but won't let me take him to the doctor even though it's starting to hurt his back and he can't stand for long periods anymore and won't consider surgery since he would need to recover for a few months (like, so what if it fixes his leg?), he never goes to the dentist/doesn't brush his teeth and won't let me get him dental insurance so G*D knows what his teeth look like, he is developing hearing problems and I need to repeat things several times, and he won't go see a therapist or other professional about his troubles. I convinced him to come to the gym down the street with me since he is getting a belly, but he will only work on his arms with weights- still a little bit of progress there. He tells me he is having trouble sleeping but won't tell me why- saying even to discuss it would stress him out. Everything seems to be too stressful to talk about- its always later later later. He has gotten much worse since he has retired, and I've tried to get him to find a new job, maybe trading or teaching which he is interested in, keep up with hobbies, and get a new more positive gf who makes him happy/not miserable, but there hasn't been much progress. The gf has said terrible things to him and broken up with his several times but always calls him 3-4 days later and he keeps taking her back which is terrible. I think because he feels sorry for her because of all her problems, or there is something he genuinely likes about her, though I have no idea what because I think she's toxic. Most of the day he spends downstairs in the basement watching youtube or the news, seemingly avoiding his daughters, and taking long naps as soon as we get home from work. If we see him, it's past 10 o'clock at night and that's when he hollers for me to make him dinner. I feel like a maid. My dad is also a slob. He messes up the whole house by leaving food out, piling up mail in the living room which he doesn't want to read right now but that we can't throw away (like bills) and I'm constantly picking up after him in the communal living spaces. For many years the 3 of us lived in the mess, with too much furniture (all from family member's who didn't want it anymore which of course my dad accepted), dust everywhere, too many knick knacks, nothing matches, and a hole in the ceiling where water would leak through when it rained. We have a pretty big house but all the areas and drawers are full of things he never even uses or looks at. We can never get rid of anything even if it's broken because dad could always fix it later he says- though he really just buys a new one and keeps the old one. The house was embarrassing and we couldn't have friends over or hire anyone to clean/repair, so finally my sister and I cleaned the living room, and I threw away a chair filled with holes which my dad never sits in and replaced it with another similar chair. He flipped out, not speaking to us for a month finally saying he liked the way it looked but felt "bypassed". I don't know what to do. My dad had me later in life so I'm only 30, and I don't have any family I can ask for help. My sister is younger than me and they both have fiery personalities and she has no patience, so she just wants to move out and resents me for trying to keep our family together and work it out. I've lived my life helping my dad, and my sick mother before that but he is sometimes so difficult. I want to create some kind of solution to lower his stress, but he fights me and we can't keep living like this. Any advice you have would be most appreciated :)

[bluebirdofrock]

My narc mom is elderly & refuses any outside help. There are no other family its just me . I want to help but she has these rage attacks & takes it out on me . We don't live together but I call to check up on her which is a constant source of stress $ anxiety. Im on disability because of her. I can't just go no contact. I need help & support for myself to survive because everyday I suffer more & more fearing her next rage attack. I hate my lifev& hope I die soon thats how bad it is. Help.

[Mickeyjenn]

My Mom insists on staying in her home 100 miles away. Mom is unable to pay bills (she cries how difficult simple tasks are). Mom refuses to try to do anything for herself, My siblings live out of state. I work and have children to raise. Mom is starting to have memory loss. I can’t get Mom to agree. Leave it might be my best option.

[sherrya]

My mother is irrational illogical and complains constantly about everything somewhat narcissistic my father has a bad heart and she won't stop verbally harassing him I'm struggling with all of this they are still in their home I have no help and I have one sibling he's in a group home cuz he's disabled and I'm trying to hold down a 40 hour week job

[asgaiyawaya]

I am at my wit's end with my Dad and it's resulted in the relationship between my wife and I taking a beating. Divorce has even appeared more than once in conversation. My dad specifically, he has limited mobility, constantly complains and accuses me of and my wife of everything, and will not allow us any rights or freedoms. He antagonizes us until he gets what he wants I just can't deal with it anymore and I live in NC which makes caregiving the responsibility of the family and mentally I just can't deal with it anymore. I need a way out of this. I am even considering making him a ward of the state. The situation is seriously that bad and the abuse is just as worse. The only steps we have taken so far is trying to move out of my Dad's house but what to do afterward I am still working on.

[GloriaGazzola-ycft]

My mother thinks I have to be there 24 seven because she’s 87 years old refuses to go to physical therapy in a nursing home and refuses to go to a nursing home when she gave up a home to a reverse mortgage for senior citizens so when she dies I have nothing but bills and yet she wants my undivided attention 24 seven and if I don’t give it to her she threatens and punishes me and verbally abuses me

[AlfonsoSampson-djdn]

Nobody wants to take care of my grandmother and she doesn't wanna go to them either. 😢