How to Overcome Shyness

The secret to overcoming shyness is to remember that others are, beneath the differences, always substantially the same as we are.

FURTHER READING

“Because shyness can grip us in such powerful ways, it’s tempting to think of it as an immutable part of our emotional make-up, with roots that extend far into our personality and perhaps biology – and that we would be incapable of ever extirpating. But in truth, shyness is based on a set of ideas about the world that are eminently amenable to change through a process of reason because they are founded on some touchingly malleable errors of thought.…”

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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

David Horsburgh

[camross]

I hate when someone blurts out "How come you're so quiet?" Especially in a crowd. Then everyone looks at you for an answer. Like how am I supposed to answer that, what kind of answer are you expecting? "I was born that way", or "Im just a good listener" or maybe "How come you're so damn loud?"

[wackyfours]

My shyness used to cripple me. I couldn't talk to girls, speaking in front of my peers was impossible and my social skills were a fucking mess.
However, I realized that I was letting my youth pass me by, terrified at doing the things I most wanted to experience. What eventually broke my shell was asking my self one simple question, 'what will make me happy right now?'
This is the one thing I care to frequently ask my self, it's obvious. This is my life, I'll do as I please and if X or Y will make me happy, then fuck it, I'll do it. Disregard consequences and deal with the aftermath later. (Be sensible with your actions, of course)




One answer to my question and what started to break my shell for me was learning to play the guitar. I never quite had the money for a decent one so I put it aside and I was embarrassed to walk in a music store and know nothing about it, so I would put it off. Until I said fuck it. I was fucking tired of limiting my self. Trust me, it gets fucking old of never doing the things that will make you happy. I walked in the store and bought me a 1k$ Taylor acoustic guitar and ate Romin noodles for a couple of weeks. I asked a trillion questions and perhaps looked like a fool but I gave no fucks. I came in determined to do the thing I most wanted to do and did.
This later translated to going out clubbing and dancing. Going to Blues clubs and festivals even though I had no one to take with me so everyone was a stranger, to talking to women at the gas station, store, restaurant, not to get their number but just because I felt like saying hi or wonder about something that they were doing. This led to getting women's numbers, going out on dates, (this was the most challenging part, being a good listener and asking good questions is key and being yourself, of course) and getting laid (yes!) 👍. This translated to singing Al Green, Stevie Ray Vaughan at the top of my lungs in the hallways of my job. I did me. I did what made me happy and disregarded everything else.



Now, this is not to say I didn't feel the burning sting when I got/get rejected or the nervous and anxiety feeling of approaching the girls I wanted to take out to dinner. All that shit is still there. Anxiety and nervousness are still there albeit way less. What you have to understand is that they will never go away, ever. You will learn to accept it. You will feel it and will identify it and that's it. You will push your feet and open your mouth and do whatever you most desire to do. This is what and is required of me, to try. The effort and will can only come from you. No one will ever take your hand and guide you to your better self. No one can do it, your brother, sister, mom, dad, friend can only help you so much. It is all down to your effort and willingness to put your self into action.




3 billion years of cellular/mollicular evolution in the greatest fucking planet; you, a silly and foolish up right walking and talking ape is going to let the social construct of a mammal with the genetic makeup closely related to a fucking acorn rid you of all the greatest pleasures life has to offer??? C'mon man! In the great scheme of things, you getting rejected by the cute girl at your job or being paralyzed at a poetry jam you sign up to, will mean nothing.



Live and enjoy the few years we get to experience. It is a worthy endeavor, I promise ☺️

[vanessasalamon]

My problem is that I worry way too much what others think of me or what will they think if I say something stupid or act stupid..combine that with a very low self esteem and self confidence and you get an always quiet 19 year old girl with little to no friends to which a boyfriend is just a mythical creature.

[jamestree]

sometime I wish I would be one of those stupid, overconfident ppl that everyone seems to like..

[chrisheath]

before this video I couldn't talk to people.. now I'm a male stripper at a karaoke bar

[ThaoNguyen-tnuk]

people told me not to care about what others thinking... Easier said than done, I care too much..

[Beatness]

I thought I was just shy for a long time, but recently I realized that wasn't my problem; I love connecting with other people and learning more about them, but I have such crippling social anxiety that I often become paralyzed in social situations. My brain becomes a mess of fear responses, and I'm unable to physically say or do anything that I might want to say or do. It's so frustrating every time someone tells me that all I have to do is change my perspective and realize that no one actually cares and we're all the same inside. Because I understand that on a conscious level, but my subconscious and my body don't seem to agree.

[nemonomen]

Two ways to overcome shyness:Realize we're all the same inside or don't give a damn what anyone else thinks.

[sourceofreason]

i always feel like i'm being annoying or bothersome around other people. most of the time i feel unwanted or unliked. i also kind of get the sense that none of my friends actually like me or enjoy my presence... :I

[FlowerPence]

When people ask me 'Why are you so quiet?' (which I hate) I like to say..' I'm saving my words.'

[holestdrillpresschannel]

I´d like to write a really cool comment, but I´m too shy...

[criticalravi]

I don't think that's it. I think, at least for many people, there is an underlying fear of judgement, a fear of showing your true, maybe awkward, different self and not being accepted as a result. Also, many introverts don't care about how you did in a class test or how your favorite football team did in its last match. As a consequence they themselves might not share these seemingly meaningless details of their lives, which others could find interesting.

[oliverpianoyt]

I am really tired to be shy, I just want to be confident with myself and being able to talk with new people without feel anxiety, especially with girls. Otherwise, I am gonna die alone without knowing what love is and feels.

[benbernard]

I'm so shy that I don't ask to go to the bathroom during class or ask for help from teachers

Edit: I recently have got in to college where you are forced to do counseling. My counselor is an intern that says that I don’t have social anxiety after I told him what I’m going through. I don’t know what is going on. Lol

[NateDizzle]

But is there a difference between being quiet and being shy?

[brodman]

I think breaking the ice is a big part of overcoming shyness.

I've started at a new uni and at first I was pretty social. Everyone was new and no one really had groups or anything so I found it very easy to strike up conversation with anyone around me. The atmosphere also made it much easier with forced ice-breaker introduction in some uni classes. But now in 3rd and 4th week, some groups have started to form and it's much harder to approach people and individuals unless they are clearly by themselves, or I've talked to them before.
I noticed one guy in the first 2 weeks introduced himself to literally everyone he sat near. He just gave a simple, "Hi, I'm Tom". and shook their hand. Now in the 4th week he will walk through a hall and everyone will say Hi to him, and he will still go ahead and sit by himself at the front of the class with a clear intention of learning and not socialising.

That simple act of saying "hi", has meant he's broken the ice with literally everyone, so now he can just walk up to any person or group and they will already have accepted him as a known person. His focus on study also makes it clear that he isn't around to annoy anyone. I'm going to use his example from now on and whenever I find a very short time where I can say Hi to someone I will.
You can literally just say "Hi, what's your name btw? I kind of want to get to know the people around me, otherwise it's a bit awkward just passing them by everyday like strangers"
99% of people would agree with that and it's not a creepy reason or anything. The convo can literally end after learning their name, and say "have a good day".

[crustypotatoe]

I hate being called out by a teacher, but when I'm raising my hand they totally ignore me

[etherealkay]

i hate being shy, it's ruined so much opportunities and chances in my life.i wasted away all my teen years i don't want to waste away my 20s too

[swapandeepkaur]

Sometimes i feel quite confident, i feel i can make conversations with a stranger but sometimes in a group i feel shy to speak up, i just don't feel like draging the attention to myself, i become self concious thinking i might say sth stupid.

[hanzazazel]

Why is it that people think shyness and introversion is something to overcome? Shyness and introversion are actually very good traits that allow for development of empathy, deep thought, greater introspection.
The main issue is that the world seems to deem anything that isn't extroversion as something that needs to be fixed, when perhaps more people should try overcoming their extroversion.