Should You Trust Your Instincts in Love?

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[WendySalima]

Such an interesting conversation! I think there's a difference between instincts and intuition...An instinctual response is more like an attachment response to me and intuition is a much calmer, still voice of truth inside me. Intuition has always steered me in the right direction versus an instinctual response which is more than likely a triggering of an old wound.

[louiseswain]

Instinct or intuition? Self awareness is key because sometimes we REACT from a place of fear and trauma and this is what you talk about here. But intuition is really powerful - it's an inner wisdom where we really do know things without knowing how we know. It's wrong to question this. I'm a 50 yr old divorcee by the way

[jasmineb]

I trust my instincts and not take it to place where it will create unnecessary stress. I’ve given the benefit of doubt at times. But my instincts are often on point at times, so why not trust it.

[Alex-dkum]

Coming back to say thank you. It’s been almost two years and we’re getting married soon. You saved me from my previous breakup/heartbreak and now I’ve found my person and I still think back on things you say. Thanks for all you do and reminding me what’s out there ♥️

[MeghanDonnellyIPY]

I absolutely love the addition of having Audrey on the podcast. She add adds such adds such an amazing element to the to the end product. ❤

[kathyt]

I believe I am an avoidant. My instinct is to pull away although, thanks to you Matt, I am learning to discuss conflicts in a calm manner. I realize, when I am hurt, my instinct is to say something mean or hurtful. To pull away and leave.

[trinni]

Questioning your instincts leads to all kinds of gaslighters to come along and tell you it’s just your trauma and not how you really feel

[dreamerparis]

It sounded to me that Matthew is speaking of impulse instead of instinct.

The defining skillset in life is to know to tell the difference between the both within ourselves.

[GodHelpMe]

We create each moment.

This moment contains,
through my focus,
both positive and negative...

I can put my attention on what I lack, what I don't have, what traumas I have etc...
And I can put my attention on the calm moment that I am in,
the food I just ate, and the fact that my body is satisfied, the shelter I do have...

You get my idea.

Both are here...
And now.

For the sake of fairness,
I will allow myself to cry my pains, in the moment if/when they come/arise,
AND also acknowledge the beauty I still have in my life NOW.

Pain? Yes.
And, also:
beauty.

Blessings to you!

[AmberExista]

You made me realize that my instinct is to repair it all by myself. As a child raised by a single mother of 2, with financial issues and stress, what I've learned is that no one will help me solve my problems or help me get what I need. So now in a trauma bond relationship I find myself trying to fix things all the time, even when he's the one breaking it and he's just leaning back or even going away and just demanding. This is the instinct that does not serve me anymore. I need to learn that in a relationship I am not the solely responsible for putting effort and problem solve.

[slosh]

I feel our true instincts is mainly to protect us from getting hurt whether mentally or physically. Due to that, I try not to react instinctively. I take a beat, and analysis the situation vs reacting in any way. When I start to have feelings for someone, mainly when I was younger, my instinct was to run and get out before they could hurt me. In my current relationship, I've felt that instinct but I refuse to allow it to control me.

[kim_possible]

Instinct is more animal like…Don’t trust your instinct….trust your intuition. ✌️

[Nyokabi_karanja]

Thank you for this. The hard part is letting go of the person you wished could appreciate your value. It is said empty your hands to receive something new. I am on this part of my love life.

[JonathanWasser-st]

The question to ask that comes to mind is "Is this a reaction, or is it a genuine feeling?" It might seem a bit pedantic, but it sounds like what you are talking about is impulse rather than instinct. Both words fit definition wise, but impulse feels more reactionary which is what you are talking about. Still a great topic, and loved the insight.

[biizwhn]

You will not have to overthink or question whether a man is truly interested in you and values you for who you are and what you bring to the table. If you do, that person is simply not that into you and/or not mature enough for a healthy relationship.

[krishna]

Instinct and vibe never lie. If it doesn't feel or seem right deep down, be cautious.

[carolinepostlethwaite]

I really agree being too available too early or being too unavailable & not showing interest are both not healthy. We do need to become aware of our attachment styles & nervous system responses & respond rather than just react as much as possible from a deeply authentic place. Healty communication is so key as that way we can become more functional & compassionate to ourselves & others as we grow in emotional maturity.
Often my inner 3 year old is making fearful decisions even though Im 63. Im learning to reparent her as I go in more kindness but also taking more adult actions even if my body freezes. Sometimes i need to work with my nervous system yoga singing walking etc & come back to something later when im more in tune with my authentic deeper intuitive self

[Xenia-E-Zilli]

There is absolutely a big difference between instincts and intuition. I trust my intuition. But I won;t let my instincts govern over anything.

[carolinepostlethwaite]

Very important to respond rather than just react as much as possible or we create a lot more pain. Knowing who we are beyond mind conditioning is crucial for this

[katealison]

Instinct is an interesting subject. I follow Laura Richards, an amazing criminal psychologist and profiler who was the Head of Homicide Prevention at Scotland Yard for 10 years. She ends almost all her videos saying "always trust your instincts." She campaigns avidly for reform around domestic abuse and other related issues such as stalking laws etc. She was one of the main campaigners who got the coercive control law passed in the UK and she devised the police DASH system for logging and rating domestic abuse incidents. It creates complications when someone with so much expertise says to always trust your instincts. And then a life coach - who's also at the top of their game - challenges that and breaks it down. It would be great to have a video or situation where these two perspectives could be discussed and broken down.