Foster Care Home Tour - Examples for Older Foster Children, Tweens, Teens

In today's video, I showcase some things that may come up on the first day with an older child.

Every youth is different and will need something different from us. Here are some extra tips to consider:
- Some kids may be coming from group homes or residential treatment centers, or they may be coming back into care after being homeless or running away for a time period. They may have different needs depending on the situation.
- There may be some policies to follow as it relates to the documentation you must provide the youth. This can include: their rights, reproductive health information, or mental health handouts. Make sure you ask your worker what documents should be shared or made accessible to the youth.
- Some teens may feel more comfortable communicating through text or a journal, so you can offer those as well.
- Don't forget to post crisis hotline numbers and the wifi password

OK What did I miss? Do you care for older foster youth? Let me know how you support them at the very beginning in the comments below!

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[KatTheo]

I'm a former foster youth and was in 8 homes from ages 12-18 plus respite homes. This is great and when I entered care, I remember so many of the homes (I was shifted between 3 homes in the 1st month) the room I was staying in was for little kids/toddlers. My first night in foster care was in this Disney Princess room I was sharing with a 4-5 year old. There's a lack of homes for older kids so that's pretty common and any bed is probably better than a cot in an office building. So many foster parents prefer younger kids, but then agree to an older kid/teen in an emergency but then treat the kid/teen like a toddler. It's frustrating.

A few other things: Not all kids are coming in from "a home" as in a permanent place they lived with their parents. I was couch surfing with my mom for years before entering care and this is likely becoming more common now with so many families facing homelessness. It may seem like your home is so much better compared to where this type of kid/teen facing not having a home, but... kids who are old enough to understand can be very defensive and sensitive about that. I've lived at foster homes where I walked in and was given a tour of their huge house with 4+ bedrooms, gigantic rec room in the basement, and pool and trampoline in the backyard and it can feel really weird and unfair and there's a lot of emotions for kids and some foster parents seem like they expect kids to be excited and grateful and that may not be the case.

[waffles]

I love how neutral this is. It's just the facts without making it some huge ordeal or being really happy they are there. Because no matter why a kid is coming into care, they have not had a good day.

[harpieahouse]

Tell them its OK to go to the bathroom and flush the toilet/ use the shower etc any time they want to and not to worry about the noise, and that they can lock the door.

When I was in care, I was really scared of being in trouble for waking my foster carers by using the bathroom in the night.
I used to get in trouble for it in other homes so it's really helpful to know these rules that most people don't think about.

[goblinguy]

Thank you for not forgetting about the older kids. I think a large part of the foster community focuses strictly on younger kids which has made people genuinely scared to take in older kids. They’re still kids.

It’s not YOUR fault of a kid doesn’t respond. They’re scared. Full fight or flight. Doesn’t mean you’re doing a bad job, it just means they need time

[Slimecicle_Beloved]

With older kids if they have phones it’s good to let them know that they won’t be in trouble for being on it because I know some older kids whenever they hear there parents coming they will hide their phone because they are scared of it getting taken or in trouble for being on it to much, also with food I know some parents make their kids eat all of it and if they don’t they will say “you will sit at this table all night” or “Don’t make me ground you” and I think that just makes them scared of the parent and not want to share things with them and keep stuff to themselves. Have a good day/night 🫶

[Stardarling]

It might also be helpful to have a whiteboard or chalk board where if kids need or want anything (snacks, hygiene products, etc.) they can write it on the board for the adult to purchase. Some kids might be scared of potential conflict if they have to directly ask an adult, especially one they’re unfamiliar with.

[lucygoosie]

We are lucky that we have been able to have zoom meetings with the kids we’re getting next week (they are coming from across the state). So we’ve already given them a virtual house tour and shared pictures of the neighbourhood and school. It’s not the same as seeing it in person, but it takes away some of the anxiety about being in a new place.

[misspat]

Your attitude is fantastic; all parents, bio, step, adoptive, foster, whatever; should have your attitude! My rule is “Don’t do crimes in my home, and you can live here!”. Simple! Respect the kids, and they will respect you! ❤️

[raea]

This is so amazing! Any child would be so blessed to be placed with you.
I knew some teens when I was growing up who were in the foster care system. It was tough for them. One thing that made me feel the saddest for them was that they were expected to be more "mature" about the situation when inside they were broken little children too. They were scared of the dark, they wanted stuffed animals and hugs but they were silently told it was too late for them 😞 I think it's important to remember that age doesn't matter when it comes to trauma and even though teens may be good actors, it's okay to provide nightlights or lamps and comfort objects...whatever healthy thing or person they can reach out to to start healing that hurting inner child.

[divine_mortality]

I wasn't even in the system but due to childhood trauma I lived out of laundry baskets, bins and boxes for many years. Thank you for respecting the needs of the child. ❤

[mollymollie]

I’m not a person who would foster kids, it wouldn’t work in my current situation, but I want to support you and all the others who do this generously and kindly taking care of kids in a great deal of stress. I’m going to look for how I can support foster families in my area in a way that I am able. Thanks for inspiring me! Great idea to just leave snacks out and have that “you can grab this any time food cart” that they can even take in their room if they want. Food is a type of comfort, and can make a big difference for some kids to feel a little less scared and more comforted. (Btw, we are both sporting RBG tees today! Miss you, Notorious RBG!) Thanks, Laura for spreading awareness about fostering children. I’m spreading the word about helping to my sister as well.

[reallylittlewhy]

I noticed (and loved!) your tshirt right away. Do you make a conscious choice to greet a child wearing a statement shirt?

[janeballinger]

Thankyou for this video! I started emergency (and ad hoc respite) Foster Care late last year (Melbourne, Australia) and struggled to find good guidance for teens. This video has validated some of the things I've observed and tried to put into place.

[gynnyweasley]

im fourteen but when i went to my foster home i was expected to be fine and and to fit in and we never get to make decisions i kinda wish i had you as a foster mum

[AndrielleHillis]

Great video! And maybe just a couple of other things that you might want to consider:
For older teens, you might want to show them around the neighborhood, especially if you live within walking distance of a park or a shopping center. I wasn't in foster care, per se, but I did live with some friends of my mom's friends for a while, and it was helpful to just have somewhere to go that was somewhat familiar, even if it was a WalMart or Dollar Tree. And definitely have a talk with the teen about letting someone know where they are going before they leave. A lot of teens are used to pretty much coming and going as they please, and so just letting them know they need to let you know where they're going and to be home by a certain time.

[onewomanparty]

I'm always so tentative to contribute to youtube comments but I just wanted to thank you for your videos. I'm learning so much from you!

[katherynedarrah]

One thing you can do as a reminder of where things are is write down on one or two index cards (I like to use the slightly larger ones) vague directions to where certain rooms are. A couple examples:

"All locations are in reference to you bedroom.

Bathroom: Across the hall
Laura's Bedroom: Turn right; at the end of the hall.
Living room: Turn left.
Kitchen: Left off of the living room"

This lets you leave it in their bedroom (say next to a lamp or on a bedside table) where they can find it. Useful for those who want to be alone to decompress.

[janel]

I love your channel. You such a wonderful advocate for the kids ❤

[TheCiamarie]

We made signs and breakdowns for each zone. For our 16 year old, it was really helpful to let him build life skills and find his own autonomy while learning. We added photos of things like what a loaded dishwasher looks like.

[amyraszipovits]

Love this. Former foster kid with a sibling.