How to be ELEGANT

*CHAPTERS*
00:00 → INTRO
01:12 → the logistics of ease
04:37 → focus on the person you are with
08:15 → non-reactivity
14:20 → OUTRO

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*THANK YOU FOR WATCHING AND BEING WONDERFUL!!!*

[kalindabittner]

I'd never thought about how elegance is really a sense of calm and patience and ease, a state of being un-flustered and un-flusterable, but now I can't see it as anything else! Thanks, Hannah!

[neisahsatterfield]

As a mom of an autistic son, I really appreciate you mentioning that not everyone has the ability to maintain eye contact. You are truly so thoughtful and aware. Your videos are some of the best things on the internet and I always love how thought-provoking your content is. So thank you 🥰

[emmelinesprig]

This niche you’ve forged between cosmetics, fashion, and philosophy is so satiating. It’s insightful without being prescriptive or exclusive. 🌺

[candibee]

I really enjoyed this video! One thing that especially resonated with me is non-reactivity! I am Indigenous and French-Canadian. French-Canadians are very expressive and loud generally, but in my Indigenous culture, strong reactions other than laughter or expressions or love, are very rude. So I actually have to remember to code-switch culturally when I’m with my Indigenous community. Getting very angry, very flustered, very frightened, even being overly “grateful” is seen as rude and imposing. It’s a matter of not constantly centering your experience, and instead aspiring to participate socially with the grace and patience, and make sure especially that children and Elder people can be heard. One exception is joking and laughter, when we are telling funny stories or joking, we tend to be louder and very animated, and this is seen as fun. Interestingly though, this loud laughter is often off-putting in many white cultures in my experience. Loved this one!!

[MsAuriauri]

as someone who’s worked in luxury hospitality for two years, these are all incredible points! i can assure you, one of the main benefits of practicing elegance is that it creates a comfortable environment for your friends (and guests!) and for yourself.

[saulemaroussault]

As a disabled person who is active in disability activism circles : THANK YOU for naming ableism as a first point in your video.
You’re always so thoughtful and not leaving people behind in your analyses 💚

[Tanyathestoryteller]

Girl, I know you get this comment a lot, but your inclusivity and considerate nature to all people is so refreshing and, dare I say, healing?

[loissage]

I needed to hear this today. I am 68 and walk several times a week with the same 3 ladies. I would spend time thinking about things I want to bring into our conversations, only to be interrupted and not heard; therefore going forward I am just going to listen and focus on hearing whoever is talking. I think I will save myself a lot of energy. Thank you for this!!❤

[snowwhite]

I’ve been told that I’m elegant for years, I’m 58. Now that I hear this, I realize I’m good at 1 and 3 and I strive for 2! I think a big part of this is that I’ve been physically disabled since I was a teen and chronically I’ll since my 30’s. It really forces me to think about how to be comfortable yet stylish. I have to move carefully and thoughtfully or I’ll hurt myself. Nobody realizes how sick I am unless I tell them but in a way, being disabled has made it necessary for me to be thoughtful about my movement and it’s spilled over to my state of mind. It also helps me to realize that everyone struggles with something, no matter how it might appear. I think that makes me kinder, which is a part of elegance.

[shannonhart]

Non-reactivity is especially important if someone is being argumentative or confrontational. Instead of immediately reacting, calmly looking back at them without escalating or feeding into their negativity is almost like putting a mirror up so they realize how badly they're behaving.

[disney.daze.]

To me the key is the absence of being rushed. Once I’m rushed any sense of calmness, togetherness flies out the window. An elegant woman is non-plussed and composed. You can be in sweats but if you’re exhibiting the other characteristics of elegance, the clothing and ecoutrememt is irrelevant

[elizabethschrimpf]

As a therapist who has been on both ends of the couch in trauma processing and does actively practice meditation, I think your description of non-reactivity is actually quite elegant (!) and plan to use the example of dropping an item to introduce the idea to clients. Thank you for this!!!

[StupidPoetry]

As an autistic disabled person I'd like to add a couple of things. Firstly, when it comes to dress, accepting the reality of my body that day really helps. Fashion, in my experience, plays a big role in pain management and making sure I don't flare up more than my body is already doing. Secondly, when it comes to non-reactivity, those of us who are autistic might experience big emotions longer and stronger - and that's okay. In my experience, non-reactivity looks less like a few minutes with the emotion and more like stepping back from acting on it until it stops being as emotionally sharp - and it can take longer, it's okay. Finally, for me a big thing is getting rid of shame that is almost expected when one uses a mobility aid like I do (I'm a cane user) or having other signs of visible disability. I find that inner confidence that I am doing what's best for me and I just exist in a way that I can actually allows me to also have more grace in social situations.

[cinemaocd]

I am on my third pass through this video in 24 hours. Hannah, I'm blown away. THis is the best video you've ever done.

[avericrockett]

Thank you so much for including us neurodivergent folks in your discussion of eye contact ❤ it honestly made me tear up to be included! As a high-masking autistic woman, I can force myself to make eye contact, but I am not able to focus on the person I'm speaking with when I do as I'm so caught up in self-monitoring. I love your view of elegance as a sense of ease that will look different for everyone. I never hoped to be elegant, but these are achievable suggestions that I'd love to work on.

[alisonsmarra]

This analysis calls to my mind the main goal of parenting I've held since my daughters were babies: to raise people who are both kind and confident. Kind (not merely nice) to others and to themselves. Confident (not arrogant) in their own skin and their own boundaries, such that they can be present with others. Now that they're teens I've started articulating this to them, and they'll bring me home stories of noticing other folks in the world with these qualities. I've never thought to encompass it all under the concept of elegance, because I've always thought of elegance as a physical attribute. But you're so brilliant! to define elegance as a generally decluttered mind body and soul who can be authentically present in an environment and with others. I love this perspective and can't wait to share it with my girls ❤

[makeupeclectic]

I was feeling schlubby and overwhelmed when this video posted initially and thought "there's no way this is for me." The week calmed down and I finally sat down to watch this. And you're right, it wasn't what I thought, and it's precisely what I needed. Thank you Hannah.

[belerinah]

So I am, in fact, an elegant person. What a confidence boost you just gave me right here.

[JehanineMelmoth]

I’m disabled, plus size and on a tight budget, so it was wonderful to hear real ideas that are inclusive! I’ve seen videos supposedly about elegance that are all about wearing a lot of gold jewellery and a small belt - thank you for being better than that.

[womanofacertainage]

I was a mediator for about 17 years. In mediation training (GOOD mediation training), one learns that the most important skill for mediators is, as I call it, "shutting up." Ask a question, then never strive to fill the space with chatter or suggestions or commentary. That training has served me well in my personal life, too. Silence is not only ok, it's lovely. I wish more Americans could live peacefully with silence in conversations. (I can only say Americans are generally not great at this-- because I'm American.)