The cheerful narcissist

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[LouLou.]

As soon as you realise someone you know is a narcissist it's crazy how much everything relates.

[breakthroughmoment]

“Look at me. I’m so happy, ” is a form of exhibitionism.

[timothygenaw]

Anytime someone uses a lot of endearment (you're a doll, honey, dear, sweetheart, etc) I am very very suspicious of their authenticity.

[abigailjacob]

This describes my mother so much. She has the cheerful narcissism, and people external to the family think she's wonderful, because she's always bringing gifts and showing up for volunteer opportunities. But the minute you have something to do with any conflict inside the family unit, it's immediately like flipping a switch to gaslighting, minimization, invalidation, and narcissistic amnesia. She's the queen of the non-apology: "I didn't mean it that way, so you are in the wrong to demand an apology." "You need to forgive me, why do you hold a grudge?" "I don't remember that happening, and I know I would never have said that." "Why are you so sensitive?" "You always make a big deal out of things." Forgiveness in particular has been weaponized in the household. Harm and fault is never acknowledged (either gaslit or minimized), repentance is never offered, but if forgiveness is withheld, it's the other person's fault for "making a big deal" or "holding a grudge." And of course, because she "didn't mean it that way" or because "she doesn't remember and would never have done can ever change, because no ownership for fault is ever taken.

[paulascott]

My narcs were almost always cheerful. They would skunk me throughly and then be super happy around me. The cheerful narcissist is not saying "I'm happy and wish you well", their form of cheerfulness is saying "I'm winning. Sucks to be you!"

[nancyzehr]

Watch their eyes, not their smile or their words. The eyes betray them.

[MrUppertorso]

It took me long long time to realize there is a big difference between someone who is “nice” and someone who is “kind.” Polite people who are all smiles and no conflict can be some of the most selfishly vapid that I have run into. (And that’s even when they aren’t using the niceties to distract from seriously dark actions or rule breaking)

[tatendadune]

This explains why everyone who knew my mum always tells me how wonderful, cheerful, fun and lovely person she was but behind closed doors I got the opposite side of that cheer. Now I get it.

[terryyyzhang]

Dr. Ramani, you are the cheerful empathic person we are holding onto. Thank you for what you did.

[sueandwill]

This is a really difficult type of narcissist to deal with.

[MarthaFrancis-dw]

My mother fooled so many people this way... it's always been a nightmare!!!

[claraciardullo]

I think their original name is the fair weather friend!!! Excellent to learn their updated name "The cheerful narcissist."

[debbiesday]

My husband was the person that outsiders think are so easy going and nice...but living with him was anything but. If I ever acted anything but positive or had a complaint in the relationship, he acted as if I was just being so negative and he couldn't understand why I was such a " Negative Nellie.". It was his way of feeling superior to me and everyone, because he was sooo positive, and in his mind, that meant he was more enlightened than the rest of us mere mortals. Positivity was a tool he used to avoid dealing with conflict.

[carolynkepler]

That’s the family I grew up in. Their needs always came first. When I needed anything, it was too expensive, too time consuming. I finally stopped asking. When people ask why I didn’t ask for help, I just ignore them. They want to blame me and don’t understand what it’s like to grow up with them.

[freeflyer]

My mom used to start singing after gaslighting me until I got upset. Now that I have kids I see how truly evil she is. Plus a million other reasons but I’ve had enough now and I’m 40 and moved out of state

[Mossy-Rock]

Thank you for bringing this type of narcissist to light. I don't know if this term is used much any longer, but in the old days we used to call this type of person "a big phoney."

[BonesAndButtons]

Laughed when you did your wide eyed, pursed mouth impression of a cheerful narcissist! Spot on!!! 🤣

[suz]

My covert narc mom is actually very "nice, " People tend to like her, which is partly why it took ME such a long time to put the pieces together. But with your help, Dr. Ramani, I was finally able to put my finger on the problem. The discovery has been both devastating and freeing.

[lorenehelmboldt]

These people remind me of the people I went to church with. Praise God until you go through a divorce or have a problem.

[bluedaisy]

He was so much fun, especially after a few drinks. Everyone who doesn’t know him well loves his laugh, jokes and positive attitude. I have seen the other side.