ACCEPTING FWB (when you want a relationship)?

Are you trying to be at peace with settling for a ‘friend with benefits’ situation (when what you really want is a ‘relationship’)? Here’s your next move

Jamie writes, “Hi Susan. I wanted to know what you think about accepting a friends with benefits situation if I know I want a genuine relationship? I am approaching my mid 20’s (forever single) and have wanted a Relationship for some time. Met a man I like who is courting me for 2-3 months but not aggressively pursuing a relationship. (Treats me well but wants to go slow) Is it a bad idea to sleep with him still?”

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The Dating Games Guide: You know you're being played, but what's the game?
And what's your countermove?

The Older Women | Younger Men Dating Guide:
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Attracted to an older woman and not sure how to make your move?

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[gnarlycat]

FWB = wanting all the perks of a relationship but none of the responsibility

[ashley]

If you want a relationship but agree to FWB it probably means that you are afraid to lose them so you agree to this and pray for that day they will love you and will be with you in the end which is just a dream because if someone really cares about you they don't do this to you. This happens because you don't prioritize yourself first and give them all they want but don't care about yourself, which is so sad.
I think when you care about yourself you don't let people use you in a name of hook ups, fwb or one night stand things because you already know you want and need more than that. So this is just a waste of time and effort and at the end of the day you only lose yourself and they just left you because they already got what they wanted from you.

[CorporateQueen]

Just removed him. They will never step up. Do not waste your time.
Sleeping with a guy gets you attached and stops you from other opportunities. What is your problem at the beginning will be your problem at the end.

[laurenhills]

The problem is hookup culture & literally every guy I have encountered has lied about their intentions of wanting a relationship… I’m 24 & losing ALL hope because I want something real not to be used and disregarded

[simini]

FWB only works if BOTH partners want nothing more and even then it's dangerous for women because they become emotionally attached more quickly. Tried it once but it wasn't my thing, I don't like sex as much with someone who isn't really interested in me. But each to its own and what makes a person happy.

[cleopetra]

Just imagine being in a FWB relationship and you watch your 'one' pass you by (while you're busy fking someone who isn't for the long haul).

[cmrandall]

It's hard to turn a fwb into a relationship. Sex doesn't provide a foundation of shared values and experiences that will help a real relationship flourish. The sex will trick you though and make you think you're compatible for a relationship when in reality you barely know each other. Also, it will keep the relationship going longer than it should because the other person will tell you what you want to hear in order to keep the sex going. For some people fwbs are a lifestyle not a phase. Idk I think she should keep those legs closed until she's knows he likes her for her!

[ellemars]

If he wants to "take it slow" that should include intimacy too. If he wants to take his commitment & intent slowly, but rush the bedroom-- run

[gregpayne]

3.5 yrs of fwb it sucks when she has the power and I caught the feels and she definitely doesn't feel the same

[cmrandall]

You also have to be okay with the fact you're only one of many people they're chatting with and sleeping with. Even if you believe they're not sleeping with anyone else they're definitely out there looking. That's kind of the point since they're not committed to you. You're there for fun while they look for a potential relationship or new fwb

[HaggisIsGross]

I think FWB is like accepting sugar free frozen yogurt when you really want a banana split. It will never, ever satisfy.

[datingdiaries]

It only works if the woman does not like the man....

[michaellayberger]

Susan, oh my gosh I woke up this morning & grabbed my phone, came outside with my coffee and this was exactly what I needed too hear today. This was exactly my situation.

[guntertorfs]

FWB is such a poor description of the actual meaning ascribed to it. If i would have physical relations with someone who's an actual friend ( someone you really like ) it would be a real relationship by definition. Making love to someone you really like : how much deeper can you get ?

[JPJPJPJP]

Most men imo are so selfish they want fwb when it’s their idea, if it was my idea no they cried and wanted a relationship 😂

[dvxxyyv]

Even in a real relationship you can't be sure if the man is faithful to you or will choose to be with you

[ofnoother]

Guy told me he's ready for a relationship and wanted to keep dating me, but the next day we got in a little argument over "trauma" with his ex, and he changed his mind a week later, saying we're not a match and doesn't think we should date. We were still in touch cause of mutual friends/snowboarding and still have feelings for each other. He says he wants me, but he's scared. He said, "I want to give you everything and that's the problem." And doesn't think we're a match, but then says, "I think we're made for each other and that's the problem."
I walked away to rid him of these "problems." He says he doesn't want to date me, but then keeps holding on and acting like he does, asking to keep talking and calling me, asking me to the movies, etc. I'm not going to go from exclusive monogamous dating to no label land. Why do they want to date you without actually dating you? There isn't much of a difference other than the labels giving it boundaries and expectations. They act like this will hedge their risk of being hurt or something, or that they're somehow committing less although they do all the things in a relationship, including exclusivity. I think it's cause they don't want you to think they're on the same page when they're not although they like you and want companionship.

[lymanmayhew]

It is mentally impossible to keep your heart out of it once you have sex! God did not design our hearts that way. Someone always gets hurt if you have that mindset....🤷‍♂️😊

[kintuinka]

Hahaha oh baby midle 20's is not forever single. Im aproaching to my 40's and now this is actually feeling like a forever single lol. But last time i acepted fwb because of lonellines was just the worst decision ever. It destroyed my hearth

[catherinele]

You are very smart : who wasn’t hurt in the past. Thanks for it .