This is How to Stop Being a Doormat

Dr. K’s Guide to Mental Health explores Anxiety, Depression, ADHD, and Meditation

#shorts #lifeadvice

[gosirbowen]

"So what?" has helped me A LOT in my adult life. So did "Fake it til you make it." One day it all falls together when you employ little tactics like these

[br]

Omg, when could I not afford to piss someone off really hit me... I am a huge people pleaser and realised that it is based on not being allowed to have my own opinions as a child but always having to obey no matter what as if I didn't it had huge consequences. I guess every argument still holds that weight for me subconsciously and even though the outcome is not life-threatening anymore my body still reacts as if it is

[FlawlessHair]

"When did I learn that I cannot afford to piss anyone off?"

When I was dependent on my parents. And somehow I'm 26 years old, and am still afraid of pissing off my parents. I've ended up with minimal contact to them, not because they're bad people, but because I become a doormat around them.

[rayakoth]

"So what" is a good mentality to have.

However, when everyone has a "so what" attitude, I sense problems.

There is a balance between self assured and detachment from the mortal coil.

[Ali-cya]

This is true, until the person you cannot afford to dislike you is someone you depend on in some form. It's usually when the person is in such a position that they develop this habit to try to shape other people's perception, constantly, even for people they can afford to dislike them.

[MetalDeathMusic]

This is me with my father. Him being my father, he raised me that I can never stand up or talk back to him. Even though he's been harmful many times, I could never stand up. He's my father, so I kind of needed him or I needed some guidance and help, which actually I never got. But I got into a pattern and stuck to where I am reliant and undermined by him. I've told him to his face I'm afraid of him. I'm doing my best to get away from him, at least until I can heal.

[v-spirituality]

This is too true. When I was new to all this I learned really quickly that a deep seated fear of abandonment has been driving all my actions, because I felt lost and scared and felt like I couldn’t meet my own needs. Once I started doing therapy and looking after my inner child, that fear started slowly lifting and setting boundaries became a helluva lot easier.

[physicianskitchen]

agree 100%. also a reminder that someone obviously having a hard time setting limits is not a green light to be an asshole and abuse it. this is maybe a good but sad way to get some data on a person- how far will they push things just because they see you have a hard time saying no

[willis]

My “so what” has been “okay, and?” And it really does help. Neat stuff

[Drsilent-u]

Man where was all of this stuff when i needed it

[detectivemittons]

Easily the most frustrating part of my life... Wanting to be good and kind for unhealthy people who only want me to be a doormat. Towing the line between being a healthy force without sacrificing too much of my mental health for it.

[tinhkhangdu]

If someone dislike me, they dislike me no matter what, we cant even control ourselves, let along controlling others

[tracyzimmerman]

I learned to not piss anyone because I was abused as a child. My dad was volatile... alcoholic. I learned to feel may in environments and people. This is were it started.

[Me-ncpp]

"Imagine what your life would be like If you are not always trying to shape and control other people's perception of you."

[commentbot]

I just started getting to the point where I figure no one will like me anyway so I might as well loosen up a bit

[DrumWild]

Setting boundaries with the boss is how I get fired. That's the "so what." I literally CANNOT financially afford to not be liked by the boss, because it's how you get fired.

[natalie_v..]

Anxiety is a cruel nightmare. Even if you change how you react/act it’s really hard to change your thoughts and feelings, impossible for me it seems.

[fw]

Me i just find it frustrating when someone misunderstands me and i get blamed for shit i didn't do

[aobaichiko]

The key to boundaries are high standards & low expectations. You draw the line so when someone crosses it you act swiftly without disappointment.

[giacoyt]

Part of the problem as well is that people who like to take advantage of others will actively and subconsciously seek out people who don’t hold boundaries. It could be something as simple as asking for your seat or to split your lunch for no reason but it communicates from the start that they can push you around. If we held boundaries, we would push those abusive people away very early on and they can float around until they catch onto someone else 😂