How empathic reversal makes you vulnerable to narcissists

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[DiscordBeing]

One of the most exhausting things about narc abuse recovery is how many of the things I thought made me a good person made me vulnerable to narcissists. Trauma survivors really get the worst of everything, huh?

[mlbullbooks]

Mental Note: "Self-empathy is just as important as having empathy toward others."

[GG-ulne]

"We tend to glorify the people out there, who are 'all-give & no-take'; but that's actually a very bad precedent; because it's a set-up, for being preyed on, by narcissists." --Dr Ramani

[hikingsounds]

When you learn to take care of yourself they hate it...

[realhealing]

Narcissists will take your empathy for granted and use it against you. A narcissist doesn't deserve empathy. I am using my empathy for people who deserve it. No contact is helping me heal.

[ggccministry]

Dr. Ramani...you make "it" make sense. Hands down, you are saving lives...one video at a time❤

[AngelsHikari]

I learned this through my daughter. I protected her from my narc mother and narc exes. She then ask me how I end up with weird, heartless people? I, then, didn't know....but when she said Mommy the way you love and protect me, you should do for yourself. Because without you who protects me. That reflection changed and kicked off my healing.

[marieborchardt]

When I was growing up I was taught to put others before myself. I felt like I was a bad, selfish person if I put my needs first. I never learned to speak up, always afraid of judgement and punishment. I have empathy for that scared little mouse now and I at least try to think about what I want before I say yes to others.

[DianaLDiehl]

When I was young, I veered away from people who showed me empathy. Romantic partners who exhibited kindness, tenderness, gentleness, and quiet compassion were suspect because those qualities were foreign to me; they felt weird. Instead I gravitated toward the emotional vampires because this is what I grew up with. (Okay, not just when I was young!)

Society and media romanticize being attracted to the bad boys and wild girls, when the fact is that childhood trauma victims confuse the adrenaline and uncertainty caused by chaos and gaslighting with excitement. We mistake being sucked dry with being needed.

Learning how much my childhood conditioning for empathic reversal set me up for a series of long lasting, damaging, trauma bonds has been eye opening. Learning the role I played as sacrificial victim in my own demise is humbling.

[marjo-riittareinikainen]

I’m almost always in tears if anyone shows me honest emphathy, because I have resieved it so little in my life. Best I had during on my childhood was the kindness and mundane wisdom of my father. But lack of emphaty and that sort of suppost was missing in my childhood home. It has been my therapist who has pointed out to me the importance of being kind to myself.

[TwinLakesRealEstate]

This explains a lot! When I was a kid, if my mom got upset because we didn't clean while she was at work, she would throw a fit, knock everything off the kitchen counters onto the floor while ranting and yelling at us. Then she would start crying and cleaning things up and if I would try to help her (so she would stop being mad/sad) she would yell at me to go away, that she didn't want my help. I would be crying, begging her to let me help clean it. My siblings would just run and hide or go play like it was no big deal. She would eventually allow me to help her clean.
No wonder I was married to a narcissist.

[kelsawalsh]

I would never talk to anyone else the way I talk to myself. Sad. Working on that💕

[ardent]

Seems like this is what my narcissistic family was trying to teach me, to give and give and never look to myself, when they give it’s about how it looks not the actual good that it might do.

[sherryreeves]

Makes perfect sense, it was so hard to switch from giving to everyone to giving to myself.

[earthsaylove]

I think this is why it’s so challenging to form NEW healthy connections. It is like we repel empathy... Others pick up that something is wrong with us... We have been socialized to believe we don’t deserve it. It may even make us feel uncomfortable! 🙏🏾💐

[laurahills]

If the pattern starts early, the empath child finds it almost impossible to even recognise their needs, to articulate them, to acknowledge that they are legitimate.

[thebrightestrainbowever]

Omg! As an adult child survivor this explains a lot! Hearing this was so emotional because it’s the hardest to give myself empathy.

[coffeewcoffee]

I was able to take a course on compassion and the health benefits through Stanford that honestly saved my life. They went over the harmful burnout from being overly empathetic. At the time I was desperate to improve my mental health because family and my ex husband were blaming me for their stress and mental health problems, and I wanted to be more understanding. Now I know their problems were not my responsibility to take care of, or make it easier for them to handle, especially if there's no mutual respect

[jenniferjacobs]

You have just described me and my life. Narc mother, trying to please her, get her approval, blaming myself when that was impossible. Then meeting a narc who seemed to be so empathic and caring, married him and three years later, found out his truth. I did not know about narcs back then so had no words to explain. My son even said to me a few years ago...you are too nice, Mum. You just want everyone to be hurt me at the time and I thought how can that be a bad thing? After learning about narcs 2 yrs ago, I now understand what he meant. I figured out that showing empathy to others gave me the attention I never had growing up. Made me feel worthy and approved of. The empathy I should have been giving to myself, I was giving away, for the wrong reasons. So toxic....

[tamayeceannaideach]

Oh, this makes so much sense. I learned a lot about my self.