Give up on happiness. Go hard at wonder | Monica Parker for Big Think+

Pathologically busy people clamoring for happiness. Founder of HATCH Monica Parker explains how we can do so much better than that.

The pursuit of happiness is unrealistic. Seek this other emotion, instead.

Monica Parker, founder of HATCH and author of “The Power of Wonder,” says our world is utterly obsessed with happiness. We have so many types of initiatives – self-help books, programs, and even careers – centered around achieving happiness that we’ve reached toxic levels of positivity. This is a problem, as it forces us to interpret our experiences through a single – often overrated – emotional lens.

Instead, we should pursue wonder, which is neither wholly positive nor wholly negative. Parker likens the feeling of wonder to watching a butterfly emerge from a chrysalis – it is beautiful, complex, and even a little scary. This profound mix of awe, curiosity, and fear, is something that, when achieved, can expand our resilience and deepen our interpretation of the world around us.

The key to wonder? Slowing down. Parker explains that tuning into our three types of “wonderbringers” – natural, social, and cognitive – and incorporating “slow thought” activities into our lives, can help us be more receptive to wonder and the benefits it provides. By abandoning the pursuit of happiness and filling our days with things that spark wonder, that aren’t entirely based on positivity, and that fuel our curiosity and our passions, we can overcome our emotional barriers and live truly fulfilling, wonder-full lives.

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About Monica Parker:

Monica C. Parker is the author of the Wall Street Journal bestseller The Power of Wonder and a world-renowned speaker, writer, and authority on the future of work. Parker has spent decades helping people discover how to lead and live wonderfully. She is the founder of global human analytics and change consultancy HATCH whose corporate clients include blue-chip companies such as LinkedIn, Google, Prudential, and LEGO, and whose education clients include the Harvard Flourishing Network, NYU, Emory University, and Highlights for Children.

In her work, weaving together psychology and neuroscience with business strategy and leadership training, Parker challenges organizational systems to advocate for more meaningful work lives. Her specialisms includes topics like resiliency, empathy, ethics, trust, creativity, curiosity, learning, emotional intelligence, psychological safety, and leadership, among others.

In addition to her extensive advocacy work, Parker has been an opera singer, a museum exhibition designer, a policy director, and a homicide investigator defending death row inmates. A lover of the arts, literature, and Mexican food, Parker and her family split their time between Atlanta, London, and Nice. Her wonderbringers include travel, time spent with friends, and live music.

[durandondemand]

Victor Frankl's Man Search for Meaning dives deep into the importance of meaning in fulfillment (and ultimately joy which trumps happiness). A person can be joyous in the midst of pain, like a mother who's given birth to their child. Positive emotions are not the metric of success, but true meaning and purpose can lead us to long-lasting happiness (joy). Great insights Monica.

[KestrelHarper]

This is basically how I've kept going this long. I've never been really happy except in brief snatches, and I have almost always been lonely and tormented to one degree or another. But I never cease to be in awe of my own existence in this inconceivably beautiful and complicated world.

[HobbesNJoe]

Gratitude.
There’s a 1:1 correlation between gratitude and happiness. No one can choose to be happy. But we can choose to be grateful.

[normanchan]

i searched for wonder, but wonder wasn't what i was searching for. it turns out i was searching for gratitude. and gratitude is what makes life so wonderful.

[retrodaze]

The size and scale of the universe and the understanding of the privilege of being self-aware has helped me for many years cope with depression and the anxieties of life... Understanding that we are small insignificant ants in the context of the universe calms me... We are privileged to get this experience on this rock we call Earth and we are privileged to have the means to be self-aware of it and our tiny little spot in this vast universe...

[coolbreeze]

I feel very lucky to have had a sense of wonder and curiosity for as long as I could remember. All of my siblings and my parents are the types who don't question anything. They accept that things are just the way they are. I couldn't imagine living my life in that way. I always feel there is something new to explore and I get blissful feelings witnessing miracles everyday.

[PrimaryLateralSclerosis]

Thanks for this video. I will certainly be more mindful of all of the wonder around me. I have an extremely rare neurological disease and for some reason people are compelled to tell me that having positivity, faith, or gratitude will somehow lead to me being healed or recovered. What they don’t realize is that I can still have a positive attitude while accepting my disease, I can still have faith without begging my creator for a miracle, and I can still be thankful for all the good in my life while having a gloomy day. I feel that being genuine about my emotions is more positive than faking a smile. This video really resonated with me.

[kalpas]

Happiness comes within you. Seeking it out side makes people trap in a never ending spiral. Be grateful for things you have. Live in the moment. Embrace mediocrity. Accept world is unfair. Don’t get attached to things you like or conflict with things not you don’t like…

[felixnotkjellberg]

We always get the SAME WAYS: meditation, journaling.... "oh i know how to do these" but you'll either not do it anyways, or be inconsistent, allowing oneself to keep being distracted by all the noise outside. Such a simple problem but not bothering to solve.

[VWYL]

This is why ballads and superstars and romance dramas and movies were that big. We need the layers of emotions to go through for that emotional richness, and also to bond and have long lasting relationships.

[DudeDew-pqst]

I swear, I'm halfway through my life and I have struggled with drugs and alcohol and trying to find myself out here where everyone tells you who you should or could be.

2024 has given me so many answers! The YEAR OF TRUTH! I absolutely love all of this information coming out without any sort of twisting or manipulating words. Yes!

KEEP ❤

[coachhbosoccer]

Happiness is a place you get to visit, but cant stay lol

[callen]

Very useful perspective, and a practical approach was presented. Thank-you. Reminded me of an article I read about the benefits of older people making time to take “awe walks” where one takes a walk in an environment that presents interest and wonder. The practice reduces pain and anxiety. I walk in a large park and enjoy looking at the beautiful mature trees, the squirrels and birds, and the dogs being taken out for a walk

[Awesomes]

So much comes back to slowing down. Stopping the endless need to distract and stimulate. When gurus say “sit with the pain or discomfort” they are taking about a difficult skill that is rare but pays big dividends.

[alexisvulfiaawenfern]

Mild sleepdeprivation actually *increases* my ability to experience wonder. It also makes me more likely to write poetry and to feel generally better.

[MartinDolan]

Great video... I've always enjoyed being "interested" in things all around me.. So I'm never bored.

My mantra is "Bored people are boring. Interesting people have interests. "

[HappinessinYourLife]

Happiness is inner peace. Yes, we have emotions of anger, sadness, excitement, bliss, all sorts of things. But they are all temporary. If you train your core to be inner peace, or "happiness, " then you can return to it and have it serve as your base.

[robynwells]

Wonder, beginner’s mind and awe are such wonderful concepts. It always surprises how awe struck and filled with wondering I am every time I see a full moon, humming bird, squirrel or plants blooming. Nothing big or exciting but I’m still filled with wonder and awe.

[NikkLiberos]

I gave up on chasing happiness a while ago. I have been shooting for contentment since I internalized how fleeting happìness is.

100% agree on the slowing down piece and the importance of meditation, journaling and sleep.

[joshua]

I'm not buying into the happiness vs. wonder context of this video. I just don't think they are mutually exclusive and we tend to distract our from our paths by giving too much attention to others performances of "happiness". Happiness is something very personal for each of us to unpack, but for me I'd describe it as combo of feeling safe, empowered, inspired, grateful and full of curiosity, possibility and wonder. All feeling are valid and need to be acknowledged for health and balance, but lot of us don't feel we have permission to use our own happiness, and pursuit there of, as the compass to navigate through the decisions we have to make in life.