The Problem of Shame

Underlying so many of our emotional problems lies one phenomenon above any other; shame. Feeling misguidedly and disproportionately ashamed of who we are is at the root of an extraordinary amount of disturbance, rendering us harmful to ourselves and to the world.

FURTHER READING

“One of the great problems in the world is also one of the most invisible, because – by its nature – it asks to be hidden and saps our ability to spot its symptoms. But, to generalise grossly, few things so undermine human well-being as the sickness of shame.”

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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Nina Cosford

[CJusticeHappen]

I've often found that people who judge others harshly have very high standards that they themselves fail to measure up to.

[davidsnow]

My favorite quote involving shame is from the cartoon series Avatar: The Last Airbender.

"Pride is not the opposite of shame, but its source. True humility is the only antidote to shame."

--Uncle Iroh

[sepiasmith]

If saying things like "I'm good enough" and "I'm beautiful" feel impossible or fake, try Bridge Thoughts. Make it simple and neutral. "I deserve human rights because I'm a human." "I deserve to exist because anyone else would." "My body is good because it carries me." "I'm allowed to eat because I need food to give me energy."

Also... if you have a pet, it can be nice to remember that they love you (practically) unconditionally. You don't have to say the right words, you just have to take care of their health. My cats don't care that I didn't take out the trash as soon as I was asked, or that I was late for an assignment. They just love me because I love and care for them.

[BanditRants]

As a video editor and motion graphics artist, I find the videos on this channel not only informative but aesthetically remarkable.

[maikenmilter]

Stop telling yourself that you are beautiful, smart ect. and instead accept you flaws and remember that no one is perfect... Such a simple, but very different approach than the usual self love talk.. Thank you!

[davesum]

"I'm so ugly, but that's ok 'cause so are you." (Nirvana)

[georgiana]

I want to live in a world where The School of Life philosophy is the standard approach to life.

[molotovmafia]

The reason for my low self-esteem is actually pride. I tell myself that I have to change the world but instead act like a coward, am too afraid to argue with anyone or take risks, get lazy at times, I'm not a genius...
But if I accept my good AND bad sides, I'll be able to let go of the "revolutionary leader" or "YA book protagonist" ideal. And this way I'll be more useful for the world - my natural kindness, tolerance and creativity can do much good, even mixed with anxiety and overthinking.

[yamini]

This video made me cry..I am 26.
I have suffered this through out my life.
Unable to dance, sing or do anything infront of my parents because they have always been extremely judgemental .... Even today, after trying for so many years to get over this, I suffer from this time to time.
It's extremely damaging to an individual.

[taurahelms]

At 40 years old, I just figured out what caused my shame. He is right. Years of isolation gave me time to know where it started. Now I am educating myself on what shame means and trying to find balance.

[jodam]

Ok so this made me aware of how much shame I actually carry. So much...

[Anarcath]

My father always told me that I would never amount to anything. That made me angry. I went from not having a high school diploma at age twenty to having a masters degree; got married (bad idea) but got two beautiful children who are emotionally healthy and happy... so far. I broke my father’s cycle. I have never said a single bitter word to my children... ever!!!! My point is, a person doesn’t always react in a destructive way to destructive stimuli.

[DrivetoBlue]

This was the most reasonable and consolable explanation of shame that has been pulling me down from the inside.

[elumuchu]

Why would anyone be pleased to see me (?
Damm, I always think that...

[nacarreira]

The realization of all of us being odd and imperfect is great, but I find that looking for beauty in others helps me to find it in myself.

[yas]

Truly beautiful, my father has, since the beginning of my life pointed out every minor flaw about me. The way I dress, talk, walk, and even see. It made me feel defective my whole life, it's so refreshing to see this video. Thank you school of life.

[bobbypatton]

I remember as a child I figured out that I was conceived as a tool for my father to control my mother, a mere pawn and a bad plan. Took me a long time to learn that does not define me. Proudly shame free

[dontcaretochooseone]

... Comfort ourselves from the Absurdity and Horror of living in a human form...

[Damons-Old-Soul]

This reminds me of one of my favorite quotes: "Humanity is truly perfect only through it's imperfections." It goes with the idea that we are all imperfect and there is nothing to be ashamed of in that.

[cynicalmushroom]

just summed up my whole life. One day when I was feeling really bad about myself I managed to pinpoint the emotion as shame; shame that I was a slow/different learner all my life, shame that I was behind most of my peer group in milestone life achievements, shame that I was an underachiever working in a dead end job with no higher education. I thought I was the worst person in the world. Then I found this channel/ read articles about the perceptions other people have about themselves and realized that I was trapped in my own head with a severely diminished world view and that I am normal. I was surprised to feel how happy that made me, being normal.