15 SIGNS QUIET BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER | DR. KIM SAGE

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(***This course is designed to help you learn to heal your inner child AND your inner parent if you experienced a complicated childhood or challenging relational wounds).

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xo

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[cassieRD]

Having quiet BPD is torture. It's like constantly hurting yourself inside but putting a smile on the outside.

[marybeth]

I'm a quiet borderline in recession. I realized my fear of abandonment was actually me abandoning "myself" for others. I've come a long way though but this condition is treatable and there is hope!

[BBFCCO]

A way that I have understood my disorder is that as a woman, I was born with innocence like all of us, but was not protected as a child by my parents, in fact exposed to awful things and neglected, which became my reality. Being vulnerable led others to take advantage of me without knowing why. That topped with outright abuse and abandonment from an entire family, spouse who doesn't give as he should, taking on the difficult role of constant caretaking, people who don't believe in caring and love anymore of thy neighbor, realistically being on the verge of poverty and homelessness if I don't accept reality and past trauma has created a cocktail of resentment and anger. Wouldn't anyone fee the same if they went through this?

[leg]

Having met several people with quiet BPD through group therapy, I have to say, they're some of the most wonderful people. The levels of empathy and sensitivity within them, lead them to be beautiful souls. Always sharp and witty. There are blessings that come with QBPD.

[ClassicLaraCroft]

Timestamps ⏰

15 signs of Quiet BPD:
1.) 3:05 - Internal Overcontrol
2.) 4:01 - Mood/Emotional Relational Instability
3.) 4:48 - Withdrawal/Isolation
4.) 5:53 - Idealization/Devaluation
5.) 6:26 - Abandonment Fears
6.) 6:41 - Self-blame
7.) 6:53 - Internalized Anger
8.) 7:34 - Mood/Behavioral Instability
9.) 8:03 - Fears of Rejection
10.) 8:19 - Sensitive/Hypervigilant
11.) 8:50 - Numbing and Emptiness
12.) 9:03 - Stress-induced Dissociation
13.) 9:17 - Susceptibility to Shame Spirals
14.) 9:23 - Internalized Guilt and Worthlessness
15.) 9:53 - Internalized Suffering

9:58 - Overlapping of BPD/CPTSD

Treatments:
12:42 - DBT
13:14 - Mentalization-based Therapy

Parents undiagnosed with Quiet BPD:
15:16 - Sensitive & Easily Wounded

Whew!!! 🥵

[meghanmonroe]

Quiet BPD definitely sounds more like me despite the generic diagnosis, especially as I age. It's always been an internal thing for me. I've been operating almost exclusively on fear and shame since childhood, and everything is affected by that.

[trevsedgwick]

In my experience a quiet borderline can hide their condition from almost anyone, even someone they’re in a relationship with! However given time they will show themselves ( the true broken person) to a close partner but still fool everyone else.

[imagismus]

Was diagnosed with BPD when I was 21 and all of that seems to make a lot of sense. The hardest part for me is the cutting people off at the slightest (most of the times perceived, not real) hint of abandonment. I become closed off, cold, but rageful on the inside...Then this uptight mood lasts hours, days even.

[brightphoebesays]

Everybody does leave eventually, so I prepare myself for it, sometimes cutting them off before they can abandon me. That way I protect myself. And I don't like other people getting too close either. If they get close then they can abandon me and hurt me. So I lead a pretty lonely life. I'm sure the neighbours think I'm weird being alone all the time and not making any friends. My dog is great company though.

I have now lost everyone except my child, and part of me prepares for the day I lose my child as well. When my son was thirteen, he bought me a mood ring, because my moods were extreme rapid and unpredictable. It was a nice way for him to tell me it was difficult for him. It was hard when he moved out, as it was so sudden. I missed him more than I ever expected, but he calls me at least once a week. ❤

[enlightndark]

"A collision of intergenerational trauma, our genetics & our environment shaping our childhood brains as we are developing"- GENIUS!

[karyntownsend]

This is a I'm fighting this 24/7, has been for many years. And I'm 48 ... Often just feel like I want to sleep, and never wake up again...

[dawgcatcha]

I think addiction and BPD go hand in hand because it’s such an issue of impulsivity, black and white, how one feels in each moment which is so fleeting

[jenninexus]

I relate to the self-protecting by removing myself from situations .. but hadn't really heard it spelled out like this. Thanks for laying it out in such a calming manner.

[TheFamilyFromOz]

I am a mother who has recently been diagnosed with quiet bpd. i am afraid to tell ANYBODY this diagnosis as I fear the stigma attached to 'normal bpd'. I fearing being labelled as a bad mother, and being told that I am going to scar them for life. I care for the people I love VERY well and I am hyper aware of my actions especially around my kids, I have been through so much therapy I like to think I am self aware enough to stop my disorder from affecting my kids.
Caring about myself is a different story, it's a constant self hate/guilt spiral. I'm working on it, but it is at a constant 7-10 emotional pain scale almost every day.
Thank you for bringing this side of BPD for light ❤

[yayhoo]

I was diagnosed with BPD at age 50 and have been in therapy for 3 years. I have made progress, but I still hurt myself and still go in circles and still fear abandonment. The most important thing for me right now is fully accept that I am BPD and treat myself with the compassion I never received as a child. Having a therapist experienced with BPD is crucial as she has shown me consistent support and compassion over the last 3 years. I have learned by example from my therapist to be nice to myself and be mindful that I need to treat myself and my BPD brain with the utmost care. I have worked hard to arranged my entire life to accommodate the fact my brain does not work normally. Exercise, adequate sleep, proper diet are essential as well as being a responsible adult in terms of finances and work ethic. I don't think I will ever be normal, but I think I can continue to make progess as long as I continually work on my disorder and never forget my brain doesn't work normally. I hurt myself the most when I try to pretend I am normal.

[hhaannnnaahh]

What you said at the end about borderline parents was SOOOO validating, thank you so much 😭 I have mild/quiet bpd and over the years I've come to realise that my Mum most likely has full on bpd, everything you described was spot on. She's incredibly defensive and reactive so I don't think I could ever suggest this to her but it is sad to see how much she suffers. She grew up in the 60s when there was less awareness around mental health so it's maybe never even crossed her mind. All I can do is focus on my own healing. Thanks for the video 💗

[GenGrace-kgjb]

Absolutely agree. The key for me was the fear of abandonment. For borderlines, this is very real - “Who will look after me?” CPSD wouldn’t even expect that.

[LOVE_ALL_AROUND]

Oh wow. I really relate to this. I was diagnosed years ago with chronic mild depression and generalized anxiety disorder but not this. I have been on this healing journey since for a few decades. It saddens me a bit that I am at this place relating to the content in this yet find it informative. Thank you. I appreciate your content here.

[NL-sedm]

THANK YOU!!! Thank you for your empathy and gentle delivery, your soothing voice, and your neutral backgrounds. All of those things disarm my defenses and allow me to hear the content! I have a very supportive team around me (psychiatrist/ therapist/ coaches) and have gone through so many treatment trials - finally getting a BPD diagnosis, but it's been the content on your channel that has allowed me to start looking at myself with COMPASSION and understanding in a way I haven't been able to in the past. Your videos have given me an opportunity to consider new information and digest it when I feel safe. I often bring my thoughts to therapy for further discussion and have been making a lot of progress recently! Thank you so so much for all your efforts in sharing healing and resources!

[pauladcarter]

Thank you for sharing this video. I was diagnosed with BPD and PTSD when I was in my 20's. Now, BPD and CPTSD. Sadly, where I live in the Ozark Mountains, there isn't much help available in the form of counseling, etc. So I just try to deal with it on my own. I do isolate A LOT, but at 56 I don't have much of a social life anyway. That seems to be the only way to manage it well. I'm glad I found your videos recently. They're helping me to better understand myself and how to process all that goes on inside my head. Blessings.