What is Quiet BPD?

What is Quiet BPD?
Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:

Order The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook by Dr. Fox:

In this video, we’re going to discuss the “quiet borderline PD type” what factors distinguish it and what situations encourage its development. Like all my videos, I will go over these issues but also provide you with a tool/tip to help you manage it and grow beyond it. If you’re interested in doing a deeper and more personal dive, check out my book The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook.

Subtypes may be a bit confusing as a term, as it implies that there are subtle
underlying factors that are mutually exclusive, totally separate and unique. Like cookies, cookies is the larger category, but there a ton of subtypes like Oreos, chocolate chip, double chocolate chip, oatmeal raisin, etc. Although these are different kinds of cookies, that appear separate, they have many things in common, like sugar, flour, and other ingredients. In the case of BPD, the subtypes have some distinction but they have many factors in common, such as abandonment fears, rejection sensitivity, emptiness, high probability of relationship disruption, etc.

Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 15 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.

He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:

Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:

Animation by sirak @sirakoart (IG)
Thank you for your attention and I hope you enjoy my videos and find them helpful and subscribe. I always welcome topic suggestions and comments.

[kohnfutner]

"Being scared [of something you're about to do] means you're about to do something brave." I like that.

[stellaraddict]

Thanks for doing this video about quiet BPD. We often feel like we don't belong even within our own diagnosis since we experience things differently. It's also hard to see the stereotypes about BPD because I know I'm nothing like that. I'll hurt myself before others (as much as I can help it). But I think people with quiet BPD just get used to suffering alone. I appreciate you shedding light on this sub-type 💜

[gina]

I wish subtypes were talked about more because when bpd is talked about in general it just does not apply to me but quiet bpd is exactly what I'm experiencing. BPD is often talked about like everyone with the disorder is aggressive and causes negative impact on everyone around them. I'm glad to hear you talk compassionately about this

[DD-jmug]

Yup that was me. I noticed I'd cling to certain people that I liked. So I stopped myself when I felt it. Trouble is, I'm distant from people now and can blow hot and cold.

[zandilebuthelezi]

I was diagnosed with BPD but was not given any information about it. So I was lost because it seemed like BPD was aggressive and I’m the opposite. Quiet BPD makes sense now thank you for this. I’m not clingy though but very withdrawn. I’m a “my world” type of person, I live in my mind, no social skills 🫣 how are people like me supposed to function in society?😢

[brianplatt]

I have not been diagnosed yet( Yay U.S. medical system) but I'm about 90% sure that I am this subset. Therapy can't start soon enough, but this video gave me some insight. Thanks.

[Jupp]

if I understand correctly, bad or confused parenting is a huge factor. many conversations in my experience went in the direction of: " you were difficult as a kid, there was nothing we could have done...." to "we did everything to protect you so you were the one who made wrong decisions" I was 22 when diagnosed, before that is was long agony of councilors who tried their best to treat the side effects as ads, dyslexia and ptsd.

[mYcRiSpDiScK]

One glaring symptom i've noticed is the passive aggressive desire to show others you are living a radically independent lifestyle

[Daniel-Deshaun]

I’ve been working so hard on healing this. I found a girl who’s exactly like me. She probably has this too. Idk if this is going to end badly but I friggin love this girl and she’s really helping me heal even though she doesn’t realize it

[darktragedy]

I’m 49 and just found out last year I have bpd. I always thought I had a good childhood, until I did your workbook and realized there was trauma and neglect. I still would never blame my parents, even though most comes from my dad, as there was no mental health support then and they were dealing with their own issues and doing the best they could.

[martinvandenboorn]

when I was diagnosed with borderline I asked why because I don't "act out" then he told me I was a quiet type... I think this subtype is not talked about enough... I hope you make more video's about this subtype in the future :D

[damnitjim]

I used to have a therapist that would ask me weekly about my Suicidal Ideation and how much I had experienced it in the previous week and I found a ton of value in it. It was really helpful to have her point out that there were some weeks where I barely experienced any.

[aldebaranredstar]

This is so true of me that I hold in my annoyance or frustration and pretend that I’m not feeling bad and then it builds and builds until finally I just get so upset. But the reason that I don’t say anything is because that was the rule in my house —it was never criticize, especially my parents because they would just treat that with total contempt. So the idea is never criticize the people in power because they’ll only punish you for it. And hurt you emotionally or physically. So it’s better to shut up and put a smile on your face and pretend you don’t feel anything. But then you’re a victim and you can’t express your needs. It’s a terrible situation when you grow up with this pattern. I was told little children should be seen and not heard and I was put in a boarding school when I was six years old.

Thank you Dr. Fox for talking about this and teaching about it.

I’ve taken assertiveness classes but it’s still really hard for me to criticize people, make suggestions or negotiate because honestly I don’t have much success and it’s hard to do. In fact, the reverse has happened: I don’t get what I want and it’s worse because I get rejected. But if I shut up, I don’t get what I want but I don’t get rejected.

[jesket]

I have not diagnosed nor have checked with a psychologists since I live in a country where I cannot trust the practitioners and the fee is really high. Plus it's just around 2 or 3 years ago that the society as a whole have acknowledged mental health problems.

So I embarked my journey to figure out what the heck is wrong with ne when I was around 13 or 14, that was 16 or 17 years ago. I cannot simply chuck my bad behavior to teenage angst or whatever sh*t I can blame. I knew deep inside that that's not fundamentally who I am. That I know I can bring joy rather than tears to the people I love. Ten years after that, after so much denial, thousand of self assessment, self reflection, I figured out that I relate the most with BPD's symptoms and turns out that it is the quiet type.

With the knowledge that I have learned throughout the years, I have worked hard to get over the symptoms and to function the best that I could. I am 31 now, I work as an analyst, pay my rent, help my parents financially and I'm maneuvering myself around a 1-year relationship with my partner. That's my first relationship after 12 years of being single. I wouldn't say my journey is over. It's still there and it still get hard sometimes. I still feel like I am at the other end of the abyss. I don't think it will ever go away but I just found a way to live it it.

Channels like yours Dr. Fox, specially yours, is really a big help for someone who suffers BPD and BPD traits. Not all psychologist are as dedicated as you are - some do more hurt than help. Thank you for your service.

[edgararascon]

My jaw dropped on this as if it was a psychic reading… I love my parents so much but moving back in as an adult opened my eyes (in a good, but upsetting way) and I think focusing on not blaming them has been very productive and helpful. I haven’t gotten past this step, but finding this video is so reassuring

[daphne]

You are the only one who can save me from my insurmountable sadness because I know you actually understand.

[rachellep]

You are a blessing to me and so many. A sincere thank you.

[DarkwaveNecro]

I started watching this and I'm currently reading the BPD work book by this author... what a coincidence! 1:29

[ericadouglas]

Can you elaborate on the differences between "quiet BPD" and CPTSD and misdiagnosis around this? Where does the subgategorical BPD lens fit into or alongside the IFS model?

[jn]

i almost forgot about the fp. I've been completely alone for over a year now. pretty much completely isolated from all of humanity because I can't trust anyone and I'm in such extreme pain, it's not healthy to be around people.